Today is Saturday, the sun is shinning, and I am sitting here on this computer looking at the mess in my bedroom. What I'd really like to be doing is be outside clipping flowers or going for a walk but just can't get myself to get going. I do need to be in Turlock in about an hour and a half so I will need to get moving but that is just not the point.
The point is that I have so much to do and the battle with procrastination and laziness is a tough one to fight.
Actually, I am tired of fighting anyway....guess that explains the reason for my idle mindset.
I've struggled with procrastination since I was a little kid. It was always on my report card and was typically the number one complaint that my teachers had against me. I was just a big procrastinator. I don't know why.....I am considering it right now as I contemplate my life and why I am the way that I am.
This procrastination has many times infliltrated my relationship with the Lord....I'm just too darn lazy to spend time with Him too. I wish that I could shake a magic wand over myself and make me "more normal"...whatever that is!
I just want to have a fulfilling, peace filled relationship with the Lord. And, truth be told, I don't. I have a difficult, struggle to obey, often more rote than riviting relationship with Him.
But what I've learned is that it is okay. My obedience to Him right now is the cord that is keeping me attached to Him. I don't FEEL like obeying but I must. I don't have anything else in this life to cling to or be attached to like my Lord. If not for Him, I would chase one lie after another.
And friends, THAT IS NOT MY DESIRE FOR MY LIFE ON THIS EARTH!!!
I want to be chasing after the truth....I want truth in my inmost parts so deep that it fills me with total satisfaction, fulfillment, energy, passion.
Right now....I'm teetherd to my Father, but not feeling any life blood flowing through the cord.
What does that mean????
I don't know. All I do know is that I'd rather have this umbilical cord attached than cut.
Never do I want separation from my Lord and Savior to be a characteristic of my life. I'd rather have obedience attachment with little or no feeling associated than separation.
So, where do I go from here???
Well, for today I am going to get myself dressed, make up on, hair combed, and head out the door for my appointment. Then I will visit a few discount stores while I'm in town and then I might head for a drive in the country and hash out these things with the Lord. I know that He knows them...heavens, I've already shared them here! But I think that I need a little bit of time with Him alone and distraction free.
So, for today, may the Lord bless you and keep you...may the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you peace!