34 Things That I Am Thankful For....

Today is my 34th birthday!

I can't believe that I am near my mid 30's. Where has the time gone?
I feel like it was just yesterday that I was celebrating the accomplishment of getting my license. Then it was the excitement of graduating high school and the start of college life.
College graduation came much later than I had planned for my life, but was in perfect time with God's blueprint. The start of my career came shortly after, followed by the addition of new family and nephews and a niece..and that is where I've been ever since.

There are some things that I thought I'd have as a part of my life by this birthday like a husband and children but that is not to be. I don't know why God's plan for my life has not included a husband and a child but I've come to understand that His plans are not my plans and His will is not always what my heart desires.

But no matter what, He is ALWAYS faithful and just. And He desires good for me.

This is a hard, hard, lesson.

I don't get it....I want to accept it, but that is a work in progress.

So today, on my 34th birthday, I choose to celebrate the wonderful things and ways that God has blessed my life and focus on His amazing work in me and through me.

To Him be all glory!!!!!

What I am thankful for in 34 little ways:

1. My blessed life in Christ
2. My family
3. Cole, Evan, Isaac, and Kensley
4. My incredible friends
5. My awesome church (Big Valley Grace in Modesto :))
6. My car that weekly gets me to my amazing church
7. My health (especially in light of expose to H1N1 recently)
8. My career
9. My co-workers who've become friends
10. My curly hair
11. Products that actually work in my curly hair!
12. My cats
13. My home
14. My love for all things sweet tasting :)
15. My freedom
16. My fuzzy robe
17. My turbie twist
18. My monkey slippers
19. Netflix!
20. My dentist (seriously...he is a blessing to me because I've been in need of so much work)
21. My students
22. My love of books and the resources to attain them....
23. My comfy bed and down blanket
24. My travel coffee mug...little things warm the heart in the coldness of winter.
25. Chai tea latte at Starbucks
26. Starbucks itself!
27. God's protection over me
28. My new budget (working on the thankful aspect here!...it will come in full soon!)
29. True unconditional love
30. Music that blesses my soul
31. Words from the mouth of a child who was never expected to speak
32. Resources enough to keep me fed, clothed, and sheltered each and every day
33. The difficult things that enter the landscape of my life...because they lead me to the arms of my Savior.
34. ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE...MAY I LIVE IT ABUNDANTLY!

Me Today, God's Mercies Tomorrow....

I wish that I had some great idea for a new post but I just don't....this is mostly just a means to get my thoughts out.

Life has been a bit difficult lately. Family drama, relationships, and uncertainty about my future are taxing my strength, energy, patience, and joy. My emotions fluctuate between overdrive and turned off completley. Why is it that when life gets difficult, I either cleave to God more or run away from Him??? This season that I am in is marked by a running away from the Lord. Don't get me wrong...I've not lost my faith but I've just not turned to Him in complete surrender. I keep trying to run the other direction. In any direction that will give me some sense of purpose, comfort, relief, and meaning...but in the end it is those things that cause me disappoint over and over. Surrendering completely is so hard for me to do.

What exactly does total and complete surrender look like?

For me, at this stage in the game...it is dying to myself, giving up my agenda, my plans, my desires, and submitting to the mighty hand of God.

I have fears though...fear that God's hand in my life right now will hurt in some way...Fear that due to my sin, his hand will be a hand of discipline...Lord knows that I've missed the mark oh so many times and in so many ways....I just keep falling short....

But, our God is a God of second, third, and fourth chances and I'm not unreachable. Nor is he harsh or a tyrant...He is a loving God and He does desire to see me bloom in every way that He has made me to.
I need to reach out to Him....and trust his hand. Whether it be a hand of discipline or a hand of tenderness.

Lord, help me to submit to you.... I need you.....I can't do this like this much longer...I don't want to continually fall into the pit of doing my own thing Lord, I want to bring you glory and want to die to myself. I need you in a way that I've never before...come Lord Jesus and save me from myself! I submit to you today Father...to your hand in whatever fashion that you need to touch me with...I fear discipline but I choose tonight to trust you, even in discipline. Help me to understand how you love me through your discipline...remind me that your desire is not to bring me pain...you have no malicious intent, only love!

You're Not Shaken

So, some of the blogs recently have had posts related to songs that inspire us, encourage us, or simply reflect where we are spiritually. I have not really been too into doing this as I love all music but have not had any one song that really stands out to me....UNTIL...this song.

Phil Stacey - You're Not Shaken
From the album Into The Light

I am sinking in a river that is raging
I am drowning, will I ever rise to breathe again
I want to know why I just want to understand
Will I ever know why
How could this be from Your hand

When every little thing that I have dreamed would be
Just slips away like water through my hand
And when it seems the walls of my belief are crashing down
Like they're all made of sand
I won't let go of You now, because I know You're not shaken

I'm trembling in the darkness of my own fear
All the questions with no answers still grip me while I'm here
And I may never know why I may not understand
But I will lift up my eyes And trust this is Your plan
When I am in the valley of the shadow of death
You're not shaken, You're not shaken
You're right here beside me
and You have never left
You're not shaken, You're not shaken

Label: Reunion Records

I am not going through anything that I would deem "the valley of the shadow of death" but definately am in the process of major life change (no...I'm not going through THE CHANGE!) and have been dealing with broken or unfulfilled dreams. The words that are like balm to my soul are these: "I won't let go of you now, because I know you're not shaken".

God is not shaken even when I am trembling in my boots. He is not shaken when I am unfaithful. He is not shaken when I am uncertain.

He is forever strong...forever faithful....forever and eternally there! Praise Him that he is not shaken even when I am.

I can trust this today! Lord you are not shaken....you are faithful....you are omnipotent....you are omnipresent....you are God of the universe!

Thank you for this reminder through song Lord....Help me to trust you today because you are not shaken!