Little gods

It's happened yet again....I've been duped into believing that I can attain some semblence of worth and purpose in my life from something or someone apart from God himself.

What is it about the little gods in my life that I am so attracted to????? I know better...I know the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Each time that it happens I ask myself "Bethany, why is it that you get yourself caught up in this pit of idolatry over and over and over again???".
The question asked in a moment of frustration produces feelings of shame, guilt, anger, depression, etc....

I don't know why I fall again and again into this awful pit......I HATE IT.....it torments me when I fail to see and understand that my God is the only one worthy of my deepest love and adoration.
Too many times I fall and attribute these affections to that which He has created.

I want to be free from it but I get confused. I don't understand how to give my heart fully and completely to God. Don't get me wrong, I know how to love God, how to worship God, how to serve God....but to surrender to Him and to give my full adoration to someone that I cannot physically see, feel, or hear.....it's just so hard sometimes to understand it.

But, more than the frustration of trying to figure it all out is the shame, guilt, and despair that I feel when I give that love, adoration, and loyalty to anyting that is not Him.

These are the "little gods" in my life; the things that I try to find purpose and meaning in. Some of them are good things...good for me and God honoring in the beginning. But they turn into "gods" before long and cease to bring glory to my God and Father. Some of these "gods" are useless things like excess food, negative thought patterns, and bitterness. These things just need to go!!!!! But the things that are "good" like relationships, church work, career....how do you not let those aspects of your life become "gods"?....

I think that the answer is to give yourself fully, without reservation, and uncovered to the one true GOD! He has made me and he knows me. He knows that I contemplate with deep frustration how all of these aspects of the Christian life work together and He tells me that his thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are his ways my ways.....rather his thoughts and ways are higher than my own. Read it for yourself here out of his Word:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

This verse brings me some comfort because it describes to me that I cannot understand His ways. But that I have to trust Him in that state of not understanding. His ways are higher than mine and if they are higher, I have to trust that they are better also. He has a plan and He will make sure that it is brought to completion. I can choose to join Him in it or to chase after all my "little gods"....

Which will I choose?

Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:14-15