Kids Campus 2010

Last week my church had our version of VBS called Kids Campus. It was my first time serving in this type of activity. I must say, it was so much fun! I was reminded yet again, that God has placed a deep love in my heart for children. When I became a Christian, that love grew to deeply desiring to see children learn about God.

This week was something that filled me with so much joy. It was a perfect way to uplift my spirit, give me purpose, and fill my heart with happiness.
The week was not easy...it was quite challenging. But God worked in a mighty way over the course of the week not only in my group, but in me, and in the other 400 plus kids and staff who were on our campus.


My top 10 favorites of Kids Campus at Big Valley Grace:

1. Hearing the angelic voices of over 300 children singing praises to God.

2. My kiddos wanting to sit next to me during chapel, lunch, quiet time, craft time, etc…they just always wanted to be near me.

3. Freeness of spirit that you see in children.

4. How they worship without any thought to how they appear…true worship from the heart.

5. The servant hearts of the junior high and high school students who helped out.

6. Serving with and getting to know my two eighth graders who assisted with the group. They learned so much too!

7. Recreation time!!!! It was CRAZY FUN!

8. Being able to serve my little ones in a tangible way such as making sure they had enough food during lunch. We got to eat family style with me being responsible for serving them.

9. Hearing my 2nd graders pray to our God.

10. Closing chapel when the sanctuary was quiet, low lit, and the cross was in the center of the stage…sitting next to Cauvion (say-v-on) and him asking who the man on the screen was. When I said “Jesus”, he got excited and said, “that’s Jesus?!”. Sweet to see this very distractable little boy quiet himself long enough to think about Jesus!






I can't wait for next year!

Focus Session 1: Hebrews 12:1-3

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you do not grow weary or lose heart."

Back in April, I attended my church's annual women's retrat. I love women's retreat for many reasons such as the fellowship, the rest, the relaxation, the laughter, the tears, but most of all....the uninterrupted time with my Lord and Savior Jesus.
As you may have already read in one of my previous posts, this years retreat was very timely in my life. It happened a mere two days after I was told some very life changing news. That I was no longer going to be employeed. I was devastated but God made sure that He had something planned for me at the retreat that I could not have planned for myself: His peace, comfort, and control over the situation revealed to me at the perfect time.

Here is my recap of the retreat.

Session 1: Focusing on the race of faith
Colleen started the weekend off by comparing our lives of faith to running a race. As a runner gets ready to run a race, so we too need to get ready to run our race of faith. The first point that she made was that:

1. Faith is not a feeling. It is a choice.
You choose to believe in spite of how you feel. Sometimes our feeling can be so strong that we may "feel" like we will lose our faith in the midst of our trials, but we have to choose faith over our feelings. This is really hard for me, especially right now as some days I "feel" so much and then other days, very little at all.
One statement that gave me strength was, "When you are in the basement of your faith, go back to the truth." One way that she suggested to do this is to journal. She talked about journaling notes to yourself to process what you are feeling. When feeling confused take out your journal and tell God how you feel. One suggestion that Colleen gave that I liked was to journal notes to yourself. So if you are feeling that God is far away, tell yourself in your journal that you feel like God is far away but then, follow it up with the truth of the Word.
Speaking truth into our lives and specifically to our situation, is like learning to drive a car; it takes practice. This is also hard for me because I want it to be automatic. And it is not. It is a process. Another suggestion that she had was to sing to yourself to guard your thoughts. I liked this idea because I love music and am always singing along with my ipod or the radio. But to sing to myself even without music is probably a crucial activity to engage in because I have the tendency to run untruths through my mind.
The second point of running the race of faith is:

2. Faith grows

The growth that accompanies faith is not a single-time gift but rather, a process. It begins as a little seed, growing into a plant, then into a mighty tree. Because faith is a growing process, it is okay to be where I am at this moment. Growth will come through our prayers and God answers prayer. If I pray for my faith to grow, then I can be assured that God will answer that prayer.
One way to make sure that your faith is growing is the ability to praise God in the midst of the stormy times in life. When we praise, we benefit because we get to see who God is. As we praise the Lord, He will grow and eventually our problems will diminish.
Another way that faith grows is through hearing the Word of God. If one desires to grow, she must be in the Word. Being in the Word of God allows a believer to take small parts of scripture to meditate on. Then it is good to pray those word back to the Lord.
Ephesians 1:3 God has blessed us with EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING.
Faith also grows through fellowship. In order for our faith to grow, we have to run the race with other believers. We have to be engaged in fellowship, having others know what is going on in our lives. As a runner in a race runs with others and receives encouragement to continue on by seeing others run, we too need to run with our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith and allow their run to encourage us to keep going.

The third point of running the race of faith is:

3. Faith is refined

This point was one that touched a chord for me. To think that we will walk this road of faith without a little burning and pain is naieve. In order for faith to grow, it has to be scorched. If we do not allow God to take us through the fire, we will never be able to affect the lives of others. God will bring peace to our thoughts, He will guard our hearts and minds.
In order to ensure that faith is reproduced, it needs to be scorched. God has allowed the circumstances in our lives that hurt to build our character and to teach us to trust Him. We must let Him bring us through the fire.
Colleen said at this point that "if you feel things contrary to faith, believe God anyway!" This is crucial as I feel a lot of things that are contrary to faith right now. But I must chose to believe. I have to believe that God has brought me to this point because He wants me to get to know Him in a new way. We learn to have faith not in faith itself, but in God!

Lord, How I Trust Thee

My God has called me to walk in relationship with Him through this time of great change.
I am tired of it already and it has not even been that long of a journey, but He is calling me to walk in obedience to His voice. I keep asking Him, "Lord, what do you want me to learn through this?" and "Why is it necessary for me to walk THIS road?". I want to ask "Lord, why not another road" but know that it would be a sure sign of the lack of trust in my Lord that I struggle with. I guess I could ask Him because He is my Father and His desire is that, as His child, I would come to Him with an open and vulnerable heart.
So, for today, I choose to follow after Him. To chase after Him. Not that He is leaving me but that I don't want to get too far behind. I want to be walking hand in hand with Him but I am realizing that this is not a stroll that we are on. It is more of a hike and you don't hold hands during a hike. The trail is narrow and you follow the guide ahead of you. And it is hard work. It gets your blood pumping and your heart working harder. And it can feel uncomfortable.
That is me and God right now. He is the guide and I am the one following after Him. We are on a hike toward greater maturity and trust in Him. I don't really want to be on this hike. It is hard and uncomfortable. I'd like to go back to the meadow of comfort but then I would surely miss out on God and that is not something that I am willing to do. I will go this path because the alternative of missing God is much more scary.
Everyone tells me that I can trust Him to lead me. And I do....most of the time.
But every now and then I forget and I cave to my fears.
Fears that really are silly. But in the moment, they feel very real and very big and very life consuming. And my God knows that I struggle with this fear. And He is patient with me.
So for today, I chose to follow my Jesus as He leads me through this dense forest and rough terrain. He is taking me up a high mountain and I must trust that He is going to protect me. He will not be unconcerned for my safety, He will not chide me and taunt me with all the things that I've done wrong and the ways that I've messed up. Or criticize me for lacking courage. He will be patient with me and wait for me when I am afraid. He will encourage me to take each step. And when I grow weary, He will encourage me to keep going. He will grab my hand and help me when I am afraid to step from one level to the next. He will not let me go.

He is faithful and I am going to trust Him.

Unchanging and Faithful

Life has changed in every way possible. Over the last month, I've had to work my way through believing that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do.

Last month, on April 21st to be exact, I found out that I was not to be reconsidered for re-election at my job. This basically means that I won't be offered a contract to teach again next year.

I was flabbergasted and at once, my heart shattered into many, many tiny fragmented pieces. I suddenly was overcome with feelings of shame, guilt, failure, and remorse. I now realize that satan was working on overdrive in order to get me to believe his filthy lies. That I was a total and complete failure. That I had no future. That my world as I knew it was over. That my God was not who He said He was. That I would fall apart.

But he did not succeed..

I was told and reminded that no matter what, my God is who He says He is.

That is, unchanging....

Malachi 3:6 "I the LORD do not change."

1 Samuel 15:29 "He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind."

Numbers 23:19 "God is not a man, that he should lie,nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"

James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

and faithful......

Exodus 34:6 "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Deuteronomy 7:9 "Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands."

Psalm 18:25 "To the faithful you show yourself faithful,to the blameless you show yourself blameless"

Psalm 33:4 "For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."

Psalm 36:5 "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies."

Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Lamentations 3:22-23 "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness."

1 Corinthians 1:9 "God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Revelation 19:11 "I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war."

He will hold me and lead me into a new path toward greater holiness.
I am struggling with natural human emotions and grief. I've learned that this is a very natural process and that I have to walk through it. But, the sweetest thing of all is that I don't have to walk through it alone. I have the Creator of the earth to walk me, holding my hand and leading me into a new experience.

He is the reason that I get up in the morning and get dressed. He is the reason that I go to work and try to love on the little ones that I have for such a short period of time left. He is the reason that I am still able to sing His praises. He is the reason that I continue on.

If it were not for Him, I honestly don't know how I would be handling this.

I don't know how people who do not have a relationship with the Lord, respond to trials, tribulations, and tests in their lives.

I just know that without my Jesus, I would be completely lost.

Through this trial, I have discovered a beauty in the body of Christ that I've not experienced before. My sisters in Christ have stepped up and entered into my crisis and have shouldered the burden and pain of my trial. They have helped me lift my head when all I can do is hang it in shame. They are a source of support that I desperetly need and I am eternally grateful for their devotion.

My God is with me in this...even in this.

The phrase that I was told by my sweet friend Tricia is from a Beth Moore study and it says

"If this, then God."

That is crucial to me.....

If I lose my job, then God.

If I lose my house, then God.

If I lose my security, then God.

Because it does not matter what life throws at me....with God I can do all things and He is faithful and unchanging.

I can trust Him in the midst of uncertainty and everpresent change, because He does not change.

Saturday Lazies....

Today is Saturday, the sun is shinning, and I am sitting here on this computer looking at the mess in my bedroom. What I'd really like to be doing is be outside clipping flowers or going for a walk but just can't get myself to get going. I do need to be in Turlock in about an hour and a half so I will need to get moving but that is just not the point.
The point is that I have so much to do and the battle with procrastination and laziness is a tough one to fight.
Actually, I am tired of fighting anyway....guess that explains the reason for my idle mindset.
I've struggled with procrastination since I was a little kid. It was always on my report card and was typically the number one complaint that my teachers had against me. I was just a big procrastinator. I don't know why.....I am considering it right now as I contemplate my life and why I am the way that I am.
This procrastination has many times infliltrated my relationship with the Lord....I'm just too darn lazy to spend time with Him too. I wish that I could shake a magic wand over myself and make me "more normal"...whatever that is!
I just want to have a fulfilling, peace filled relationship with the Lord. And, truth be told, I don't. I have a difficult, struggle to obey, often more rote than riviting relationship with Him.
But what I've learned is that it is okay. My obedience to Him right now is the cord that is keeping me attached to Him. I don't FEEL like obeying but I must. I don't have anything else in this life to cling to or be attached to like my Lord. If not for Him, I would chase one lie after another.
And friends, THAT IS NOT MY DESIRE FOR MY LIFE ON THIS EARTH!!!
I want to be chasing after the truth....I want truth in my inmost parts so deep that it fills me with total satisfaction, fulfillment, energy, passion.
Right now....I'm teetherd to my Father, but not feeling any life blood flowing through the cord.
What does that mean????
I don't know. All I do know is that I'd rather have this umbilical cord attached than cut.
Never do I want separation from my Lord and Savior to be a characteristic of my life. I'd rather have obedience attachment with little or no feeling associated than separation.
So, where do I go from here???
Well, for today I am going to get myself dressed, make up on, hair combed, and head out the door for my appointment. Then I will visit a few discount stores while I'm in town and then I might head for a drive in the country and hash out these things with the Lord. I know that He knows them...heavens, I've already shared them here! But I think that I need a little bit of time with Him alone and distraction free.

So, for today, may the Lord bless you and keep you...may the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you peace!

HAPPY SATURDAY!

Serving the Body of Christ: Patsy Clairmont Weekend

This weekend was our church's big women's event. We had the wonderful delight and privilige to host Patsy Clairmont on Friday night and Saturday morning. It truly was a delight to serve the body during this event. I had been invited about a month ago by one of our women's ministry leaders to serve at the event. I was quick to say yes and waited to hear what my job would be. At our meeting to talk about the event I found out that I'd be helping out with the food, which I was happy to do. But upon looking at Colleen's list of jobs, it seemed that there were not enought ladies listed for the book table. I asked her if I could help out with the book table and she said yes.
On Friday afternoon before the event I and many, many other ladies went to the church early to help fill 1500 gift bags with treats for the women. IT.WAS.QUITE.A.BIG.JOB!!!!!!! But oh so much fun :) Starting early on Friday helped get me going for the event....serving is so fun when approached from the perspective of "what can I do to bring glory to God" and totally and completely giving Him the control of the entire event!
I would venture to say that our event turned out so wonderfully because of the leadership and direction of our ministry leaders: Connie, Colleen, and Gretchen.....these ladies are true servants and disciples. They continually seek the Lord in all maters related to the women of our church and in their own personal lives. With their hearts focused on serving the women of our church and the community, God's plan was put into working order and many, many, many women were impacted by the Lord.
I just absolutely love my church and am excited to walk the road that the Lord has planned for me at Big Valley. Serving Him is a delight and I am filled with a renewed love and passion for his people!

Here are a few pics from the event......


Serving the Body of Christ with my fellow sisters in the Lord, Carol and Sarah


Miss Patsy Clairmont speaking at our women's event....she was so wonderful!


Thought how funny it was that I tried, and tried, and tried to get a good pic of Patsy but she always had her mouth open in the picture! Guess she would agree that there is hardly a moment when her mouth is not closed....Praise God that out of her mouth comes His praises! She is a precious, precious, woman of God!


Me and my sweet friend Cheryl...love her!

Little gods

It's happened yet again....I've been duped into believing that I can attain some semblence of worth and purpose in my life from something or someone apart from God himself.

What is it about the little gods in my life that I am so attracted to????? I know better...I know the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Each time that it happens I ask myself "Bethany, why is it that you get yourself caught up in this pit of idolatry over and over and over again???".
The question asked in a moment of frustration produces feelings of shame, guilt, anger, depression, etc....

I don't know why I fall again and again into this awful pit......I HATE IT.....it torments me when I fail to see and understand that my God is the only one worthy of my deepest love and adoration.
Too many times I fall and attribute these affections to that which He has created.

I want to be free from it but I get confused. I don't understand how to give my heart fully and completely to God. Don't get me wrong, I know how to love God, how to worship God, how to serve God....but to surrender to Him and to give my full adoration to someone that I cannot physically see, feel, or hear.....it's just so hard sometimes to understand it.

But, more than the frustration of trying to figure it all out is the shame, guilt, and despair that I feel when I give that love, adoration, and loyalty to anyting that is not Him.

These are the "little gods" in my life; the things that I try to find purpose and meaning in. Some of them are good things...good for me and God honoring in the beginning. But they turn into "gods" before long and cease to bring glory to my God and Father. Some of these "gods" are useless things like excess food, negative thought patterns, and bitterness. These things just need to go!!!!! But the things that are "good" like relationships, church work, career....how do you not let those aspects of your life become "gods"?....

I think that the answer is to give yourself fully, without reservation, and uncovered to the one true GOD! He has made me and he knows me. He knows that I contemplate with deep frustration how all of these aspects of the Christian life work together and He tells me that his thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are his ways my ways.....rather his thoughts and ways are higher than my own. Read it for yourself here out of his Word:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

This verse brings me some comfort because it describes to me that I cannot understand His ways. But that I have to trust Him in that state of not understanding. His ways are higher than mine and if they are higher, I have to trust that they are better also. He has a plan and He will make sure that it is brought to completion. I can choose to join Him in it or to chase after all my "little gods"....

Which will I choose?

Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:14-15