Weekend Destination

This weekend my cousin Stephanie is getting married.

I can't believe it! My little cousin is going to become someone's wife. I am so excited to see her get all dolled up in her beautiful dress and recite her vows to her soon to be husband, Kyle. I'm excited to see family. I'm excited to spend time dancing and celebrating with my loved ones. But, the reason that my heart is full of joy and delight is that I will be spending a few days relishing in what is my opinion, one of the most beautiful places in CA/NV.

LAKE TAHOE!


How I am anxiously anticipating the special quiet that I am determined to get while there! I am looking forward to spending some special time with God sitting by the lake and taking in His creative display in creation. He knows how it causes my heart to fill with peace when I sit silently in His presence. It is something that I desperately need right now.

As I reflect on life lately, I am learning that this is a place of total surrender and dependence on God. It is a place that, honestly, I've never truly been.
A place that He is teaching me that I need to be in times of prosperity as well as in times of need. With my life turned so completely upside down lately, I thought that I would have an excess of time with my Lord. I had this vision that my time with Him would be so perfect right now because of my release from career responsibility and the extra free time.

However, I can't say that that is how it has been.

I've definately spent some very special one on one time with the Lord since losing my job...I've needed Him but I've not given Him my heart and trust fully. Our relationship has been work. I would love to just rest in him.

This realization is good because right now, 3 days before I leave for one of the most beautiful places in my neck of the woods, I am ready to surrender fully.

I will give the Lord every part of my heart.
I will give the Lord every ounce of my trust.
I will give the Lord every moment of my day.
I will give the Lord every thought that scampers through my mind.
I will give Him my entire being.

No more trying to go at it on my own.
No more seeking my best interest.
No more giving my sinful nature the front seat.

My Jesus has paid dearly for my sin, I can give Him back something worthwile; my surrendered heart.

So in just 3 short days, my heart will be blessed: I WILL SEE THE LAKE but more than that, I WILL GET TO WORSHIP MY JESUS IN A SPECIAL WAY!

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!

Be assured, pictures will soon be up of the weekend.

For now, here are my latest attempts to put my new photography knowledge to practice


Picture of crayons: reminds me of childhood!


Love truly is patient. Lord help me to see those you've placed in my life as you do.


Sunlight through tree leaves


Rock and pretty wildflowers at Stan State

SnapShot Saturday

Last weekend I had the awesome opportunity to attend a photography workshop that my friend Amber hosted. I was so excited...it had actually been on my calendar for over a month. She hosted it at her in laws home/business. It was a beautiful setting for taking pictures. Amber walked us through the basics of photography like exposure, aperture, and shutter speed. She taught us how to freeze motion and how to take a picture where the motion is blurred. It was so much information but I really enjoyed learning. Toward the end of the afternoon I was absolutely confused but with some re-visits to my handy dandy notes, I began to understand it more more clearly. My goal of getting out of auto or program was reached! I finally shot completely in manual with the added bonus of knowing what I was doing! (well, sort of!).

Here are a few of the pics that I took on Saturday.....

Kids Campus 2010

Last week my church had our version of VBS called Kids Campus. It was my first time serving in this type of activity. I must say, it was so much fun! I was reminded yet again, that God has placed a deep love in my heart for children. When I became a Christian, that love grew to deeply desiring to see children learn about God.

This week was something that filled me with so much joy. It was a perfect way to uplift my spirit, give me purpose, and fill my heart with happiness.
The week was not easy...it was quite challenging. But God worked in a mighty way over the course of the week not only in my group, but in me, and in the other 400 plus kids and staff who were on our campus.


My top 10 favorites of Kids Campus at Big Valley Grace:

1. Hearing the angelic voices of over 300 children singing praises to God.

2. My kiddos wanting to sit next to me during chapel, lunch, quiet time, craft time, etc…they just always wanted to be near me.

3. Freeness of spirit that you see in children.

4. How they worship without any thought to how they appear…true worship from the heart.

5. The servant hearts of the junior high and high school students who helped out.

6. Serving with and getting to know my two eighth graders who assisted with the group. They learned so much too!

7. Recreation time!!!! It was CRAZY FUN!

8. Being able to serve my little ones in a tangible way such as making sure they had enough food during lunch. We got to eat family style with me being responsible for serving them.

9. Hearing my 2nd graders pray to our God.

10. Closing chapel when the sanctuary was quiet, low lit, and the cross was in the center of the stage…sitting next to Cauvion (say-v-on) and him asking who the man on the screen was. When I said “Jesus”, he got excited and said, “that’s Jesus?!”. Sweet to see this very distractable little boy quiet himself long enough to think about Jesus!






I can't wait for next year!

Focus Session 1: Hebrews 12:1-3

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you do not grow weary or lose heart."

Back in April, I attended my church's annual women's retrat. I love women's retreat for many reasons such as the fellowship, the rest, the relaxation, the laughter, the tears, but most of all....the uninterrupted time with my Lord and Savior Jesus.
As you may have already read in one of my previous posts, this years retreat was very timely in my life. It happened a mere two days after I was told some very life changing news. That I was no longer going to be employeed. I was devastated but God made sure that He had something planned for me at the retreat that I could not have planned for myself: His peace, comfort, and control over the situation revealed to me at the perfect time.

Here is my recap of the retreat.

Session 1: Focusing on the race of faith
Colleen started the weekend off by comparing our lives of faith to running a race. As a runner gets ready to run a race, so we too need to get ready to run our race of faith. The first point that she made was that:

1. Faith is not a feeling. It is a choice.
You choose to believe in spite of how you feel. Sometimes our feeling can be so strong that we may "feel" like we will lose our faith in the midst of our trials, but we have to choose faith over our feelings. This is really hard for me, especially right now as some days I "feel" so much and then other days, very little at all.
One statement that gave me strength was, "When you are in the basement of your faith, go back to the truth." One way that she suggested to do this is to journal. She talked about journaling notes to yourself to process what you are feeling. When feeling confused take out your journal and tell God how you feel. One suggestion that Colleen gave that I liked was to journal notes to yourself. So if you are feeling that God is far away, tell yourself in your journal that you feel like God is far away but then, follow it up with the truth of the Word.
Speaking truth into our lives and specifically to our situation, is like learning to drive a car; it takes practice. This is also hard for me because I want it to be automatic. And it is not. It is a process. Another suggestion that she had was to sing to yourself to guard your thoughts. I liked this idea because I love music and am always singing along with my ipod or the radio. But to sing to myself even without music is probably a crucial activity to engage in because I have the tendency to run untruths through my mind.
The second point of running the race of faith is:

2. Faith grows

The growth that accompanies faith is not a single-time gift but rather, a process. It begins as a little seed, growing into a plant, then into a mighty tree. Because faith is a growing process, it is okay to be where I am at this moment. Growth will come through our prayers and God answers prayer. If I pray for my faith to grow, then I can be assured that God will answer that prayer.
One way to make sure that your faith is growing is the ability to praise God in the midst of the stormy times in life. When we praise, we benefit because we get to see who God is. As we praise the Lord, He will grow and eventually our problems will diminish.
Another way that faith grows is through hearing the Word of God. If one desires to grow, she must be in the Word. Being in the Word of God allows a believer to take small parts of scripture to meditate on. Then it is good to pray those word back to the Lord.
Ephesians 1:3 God has blessed us with EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING.
Faith also grows through fellowship. In order for our faith to grow, we have to run the race with other believers. We have to be engaged in fellowship, having others know what is going on in our lives. As a runner in a race runs with others and receives encouragement to continue on by seeing others run, we too need to run with our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith and allow their run to encourage us to keep going.

The third point of running the race of faith is:

3. Faith is refined

This point was one that touched a chord for me. To think that we will walk this road of faith without a little burning and pain is naieve. In order for faith to grow, it has to be scorched. If we do not allow God to take us through the fire, we will never be able to affect the lives of others. God will bring peace to our thoughts, He will guard our hearts and minds.
In order to ensure that faith is reproduced, it needs to be scorched. God has allowed the circumstances in our lives that hurt to build our character and to teach us to trust Him. We must let Him bring us through the fire.
Colleen said at this point that "if you feel things contrary to faith, believe God anyway!" This is crucial as I feel a lot of things that are contrary to faith right now. But I must chose to believe. I have to believe that God has brought me to this point because He wants me to get to know Him in a new way. We learn to have faith not in faith itself, but in God!

Lord, How I Trust Thee

My God has called me to walk in relationship with Him through this time of great change.
I am tired of it already and it has not even been that long of a journey, but He is calling me to walk in obedience to His voice. I keep asking Him, "Lord, what do you want me to learn through this?" and "Why is it necessary for me to walk THIS road?". I want to ask "Lord, why not another road" but know that it would be a sure sign of the lack of trust in my Lord that I struggle with. I guess I could ask Him because He is my Father and His desire is that, as His child, I would come to Him with an open and vulnerable heart.
So, for today, I choose to follow after Him. To chase after Him. Not that He is leaving me but that I don't want to get too far behind. I want to be walking hand in hand with Him but I am realizing that this is not a stroll that we are on. It is more of a hike and you don't hold hands during a hike. The trail is narrow and you follow the guide ahead of you. And it is hard work. It gets your blood pumping and your heart working harder. And it can feel uncomfortable.
That is me and God right now. He is the guide and I am the one following after Him. We are on a hike toward greater maturity and trust in Him. I don't really want to be on this hike. It is hard and uncomfortable. I'd like to go back to the meadow of comfort but then I would surely miss out on God and that is not something that I am willing to do. I will go this path because the alternative of missing God is much more scary.
Everyone tells me that I can trust Him to lead me. And I do....most of the time.
But every now and then I forget and I cave to my fears.
Fears that really are silly. But in the moment, they feel very real and very big and very life consuming. And my God knows that I struggle with this fear. And He is patient with me.
So for today, I chose to follow my Jesus as He leads me through this dense forest and rough terrain. He is taking me up a high mountain and I must trust that He is going to protect me. He will not be unconcerned for my safety, He will not chide me and taunt me with all the things that I've done wrong and the ways that I've messed up. Or criticize me for lacking courage. He will be patient with me and wait for me when I am afraid. He will encourage me to take each step. And when I grow weary, He will encourage me to keep going. He will grab my hand and help me when I am afraid to step from one level to the next. He will not let me go.

He is faithful and I am going to trust Him.

Unchanging and Faithful

Life has changed in every way possible. Over the last month, I've had to work my way through believing that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do.

Last month, on April 21st to be exact, I found out that I was not to be reconsidered for re-election at my job. This basically means that I won't be offered a contract to teach again next year.

I was flabbergasted and at once, my heart shattered into many, many tiny fragmented pieces. I suddenly was overcome with feelings of shame, guilt, failure, and remorse. I now realize that satan was working on overdrive in order to get me to believe his filthy lies. That I was a total and complete failure. That I had no future. That my world as I knew it was over. That my God was not who He said He was. That I would fall apart.

But he did not succeed..

I was told and reminded that no matter what, my God is who He says He is.

That is, unchanging....

Malachi 3:6 "I the LORD do not change."

1 Samuel 15:29 "He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind."

Numbers 23:19 "God is not a man, that he should lie,nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"

James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

and faithful......

Exodus 34:6 "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Deuteronomy 7:9 "Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands."

Psalm 18:25 "To the faithful you show yourself faithful,to the blameless you show yourself blameless"

Psalm 33:4 "For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."

Psalm 36:5 "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies."

Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Lamentations 3:22-23 "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness."

1 Corinthians 1:9 "God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Revelation 19:11 "I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war."

He will hold me and lead me into a new path toward greater holiness.
I am struggling with natural human emotions and grief. I've learned that this is a very natural process and that I have to walk through it. But, the sweetest thing of all is that I don't have to walk through it alone. I have the Creator of the earth to walk me, holding my hand and leading me into a new experience.

He is the reason that I get up in the morning and get dressed. He is the reason that I go to work and try to love on the little ones that I have for such a short period of time left. He is the reason that I am still able to sing His praises. He is the reason that I continue on.

If it were not for Him, I honestly don't know how I would be handling this.

I don't know how people who do not have a relationship with the Lord, respond to trials, tribulations, and tests in their lives.

I just know that without my Jesus, I would be completely lost.

Through this trial, I have discovered a beauty in the body of Christ that I've not experienced before. My sisters in Christ have stepped up and entered into my crisis and have shouldered the burden and pain of my trial. They have helped me lift my head when all I can do is hang it in shame. They are a source of support that I desperetly need and I am eternally grateful for their devotion.

My God is with me in this...even in this.

The phrase that I was told by my sweet friend Tricia is from a Beth Moore study and it says

"If this, then God."

That is crucial to me.....

If I lose my job, then God.

If I lose my house, then God.

If I lose my security, then God.

Because it does not matter what life throws at me....with God I can do all things and He is faithful and unchanging.

I can trust Him in the midst of uncertainty and everpresent change, because He does not change.

Saturday Lazies....

Today is Saturday, the sun is shinning, and I am sitting here on this computer looking at the mess in my bedroom. What I'd really like to be doing is be outside clipping flowers or going for a walk but just can't get myself to get going. I do need to be in Turlock in about an hour and a half so I will need to get moving but that is just not the point.
The point is that I have so much to do and the battle with procrastination and laziness is a tough one to fight.
Actually, I am tired of fighting anyway....guess that explains the reason for my idle mindset.
I've struggled with procrastination since I was a little kid. It was always on my report card and was typically the number one complaint that my teachers had against me. I was just a big procrastinator. I don't know why.....I am considering it right now as I contemplate my life and why I am the way that I am.
This procrastination has many times infliltrated my relationship with the Lord....I'm just too darn lazy to spend time with Him too. I wish that I could shake a magic wand over myself and make me "more normal"...whatever that is!
I just want to have a fulfilling, peace filled relationship with the Lord. And, truth be told, I don't. I have a difficult, struggle to obey, often more rote than riviting relationship with Him.
But what I've learned is that it is okay. My obedience to Him right now is the cord that is keeping me attached to Him. I don't FEEL like obeying but I must. I don't have anything else in this life to cling to or be attached to like my Lord. If not for Him, I would chase one lie after another.
And friends, THAT IS NOT MY DESIRE FOR MY LIFE ON THIS EARTH!!!
I want to be chasing after the truth....I want truth in my inmost parts so deep that it fills me with total satisfaction, fulfillment, energy, passion.
Right now....I'm teetherd to my Father, but not feeling any life blood flowing through the cord.
What does that mean????
I don't know. All I do know is that I'd rather have this umbilical cord attached than cut.
Never do I want separation from my Lord and Savior to be a characteristic of my life. I'd rather have obedience attachment with little or no feeling associated than separation.
So, where do I go from here???
Well, for today I am going to get myself dressed, make up on, hair combed, and head out the door for my appointment. Then I will visit a few discount stores while I'm in town and then I might head for a drive in the country and hash out these things with the Lord. I know that He knows them...heavens, I've already shared them here! But I think that I need a little bit of time with Him alone and distraction free.

So, for today, may the Lord bless you and keep you...may the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you peace!

HAPPY SATURDAY!