Singing Over Me

My Journey Through the Book of James

2012-01-18T17:47:00.000-08:00

Last year I had such a difficult time with scripture memory. This year as I thought about what to do I was bombarded by overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and the inablility to memorize.
I know this to be an untrue set of feelings because I've proven to myself that I have the ability to memorize anything. Song lyrics, lecture notes, numbers, and yes, even scripture.
And I don't lack for accountability. I have a wonderful group of ladies who encourage each other to memorize scripture. I just realized that I did not have the motivation. Who knows why! Just me and my personality.

So, to move myself out of my procrastination and lack of motivation, I decided to take Beth Moore's challenge to memorize the entire book of James.

Yes, I did just say that I am going to attempt to memorize the entire book of James.

I did go from no motivation to an incredibly off the wall attempt at memorization.

But I believe that I can do it. And I desire a more intimate walk with Jesus.

So, here goes.

My first installment in the hopefully soon to become beloved book of James:

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion:
Greetings.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; his is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1:1-8

So, there it is. My first passage.

Lord, help me to grow closer to you as I venture down this road in our relationship. I invite you to be with me on this journey. Please walk with me and teach me. I so desire to hear your voice speak to me.

36 Blessings and Things That I am Thankful For

2011-11-08T18:02:00.000-08:00

1. My salvation
2. My cute home
3. Sadie
4. Good health
5. Isaac
6. CVAP
7. Therapy
8. Beloved church family: Big Valley Grace
9. Sweet friends
10. Kensley
11. Family who love each other regardless of differences and struggles
12. Fragrant flowers
13. Zoe
14. Giggles from the seemingly locked up soul of an autistic preschooler
15. Neighbors that have become family
16. My Nikon and the ability to "see" God through a photograph
17. Cole
18. Jesus, my Savior
19. Bookclub: otherwise known as free therapy!
20. Music
21. Knitting needles and enough yarn to cover the heads of many small children
22. A mentor whose love challenges me to grow and gives me courage to face the pain
23. A day away at the beach with a special friend
24. Thursday morning bible study
25. Peppermint candy in a mug of hot chocolate
26. Evan
27. Hot soup on a cold day
28. Prayer and the ability to talk to God when there are no words
29. Being born and celebrating my life during my favorite time of year
30. Vanilla Chai lattes
31. My curly hair
32. Cold crisp mornings and a warm scarf
33. A great pen and my little pink journal
34. Quiet mornings with my Bible, journal, cup of tea, blanket, and cinnamon candle
35. Rain falling on the roof as I am waking up
36. God's incredible and deep love for me!

Therapy

2011-10-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

Therapy.

What exactly is therapy?

Well, Websters defines it as "treatment of bodily, mental, or behavioral disorders".
This definition sounds so clinical and methodical. And in many respects, this is true. And believe me, it is helpful and at times necessary in life. But what I've found to be true is that therapy comes in all different forms.

Any of these ring a bell?

Physical therapy (I have not been in need of this up to this point and from the testimony of a few friends, hope to never need)
Occupational therapy (I've been witness to this one first hand. Very helpful but sometimes heartbreaking to watch)
Speech therapy (Again, helpful but difficult to watch when the client is exasperated)
Behavioral/Cognitive therapy (My line of work...Autism, reason that I've witnessed aformentioned therapies)

How about these less heard of treatments?

Retail therapy (Might want to rethink this one, it can propell you right to the therapist's couch in the first place!)
Horse therapy (I love horses but really....is launching myself onto the back of a 1,000lb animal going to diminish my fears and anxieties...I think not!)
Swim with the dolphins therapy (really?????)

When life has really got me down, I tend to turn to these forms of therapy....

Listening to children laugh therapy (blissful)
Smelling the flowers therapy (love,love,love)
Sitting and devouring a new book therapy (comforting form from childhood)
Gentle rain on the roof therapy (instant relaxation)
Dance until your feet ache therapy (never occurs enough!)

And my favorite of all.....

Listening to the waves crash up on the banks of the beach therapy (like Heaven to me)

Why my focus on therapy?

Well, I am in the midst of some major life changes. Most notably the changing of my thought patterns and the renewing of my mind. In order for this to happen, I've had to spend some very difficult time revisiting the ruins of my life. The places with cobwebs and rusty old abandoned memories. The places that no one chooses to willingly revisit. As I've traveld down the dusty road of my childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood I've had to partake of different forms of therapy.
To identify the injuries and scars that seem to continually chase me down, I am grateful for behavioral/cognitive therapy and my exceptionally compassionate and wise therapist.
This type of therapy is the one that helps me dig, dig, and dig some more into the muck. It is the painful part. I am grateful for it.
But in order for this therapy to work I have to continually engage in the other types that I mentioned.
Like today, I was on the playground of a local elementary school and my spirit was lifted up by over 60 second graders laughing and giggling over various ball/blacktop games. Or this morning as I was drinking my Vanilla Latte and reading my Bible, the gentle sound of rain falling outside my window. Or another that I will engage in with much excitement this weekend at my cousins wedding, dancing, dancing, dancing the night away!

As I am in the midst of the painful pr0ocess of seeing the freedom that God has for me, I must remind myself to engage in the "therapies" that refresh my soul.

Besides, they don't cost $40.00 a session!

Sleep and God

2011-08-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

I have trouble sleeping.
I don't have trouble getting to sleep but rather, staying asleep.
I don't know why.
I don't like it.
I wish that I could just sleep like a baby. No care in the world, no sin on my mind, no ache in my bones.

But,
I have trouble sleeping.

As I was thinking of what verse to memorize for these 2 weeks I stumbled on Psalm 121. It is a part of scripture that I've heard many times. It is a Psalm that I attempted (well, not completely) to memorize when I went through the study "Stepping Up".

In it is a little nugget; a verse about God not sleeping.

It just dawned on me this morning, God knows what it is like to have a sleepless night. Not that He needs sleep like I do. But He knows.
And further, He is awake when I am waking up hour after hour.
In the darkness, when I awake and cannot fall back asleep, when my emotions are frayed, and my tiredness is making me miserable, God is there for me to talk to.

To remedy my sleep problems I've tried many things.

Warm milk.
Hot bath.
Soothing music.
Read until my eyes burn.
Chamomille tea.
TV on.

and last but should be first,

Prayer.

I find that after I am so worn out and my emotions strung out I turn to God. I don't know why it is that I turn to Him last, when I know that He is there with me through the struggle.

He is there.

He is not sleeping because for one, He does not need to but probably more importantly, because He wants to watch over me.

So, the next time I have trouble drifting off into LaLa land or I am waking up when I should be sleeping, I'll remember to open the conversation lines with my Father who does not sleep or slumber.

"I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you WILL NOT SLUMBER. BEHOLD, HE WHO KEEPS ISRAEL WILL NEITHER SLUMBER NOR SLEEP." Psalm 121:1-4

verses 9-14

2011-07-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

I am so behind in keeping up on this blog. I figured that since virtually no one read it that it was okay to let it go by the wayside. I've since decided that it is at least good for me so, as a new goal I've decided to pick up the pen again.

I've been memorizing (more like meditating) verses with the LPM blog this year. A smaller group of us have also been memorizing together on another blog (ladiesscripturememoryteam.blogspot.com). I had intended to get all of my verses on this blog as we progressed but as life would have it, I didn't!

Never too late though right?!

Verse 9
Psalm 27:13-14
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Verse 10
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Verse 11
Psalm 84:5-7
Blessed are those whose strength is on you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength till each appears before God in Zion.

Verse 12
Psalm 3:3
But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Verse 13
Psalm 68:19
Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation.

Verse 14
Psalm 121:1-4
I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold; he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Lord, teach me your truth as I meditate on your word!

Verses 7 and 8

2011-04-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are half way through April. The beginning of the month I had the wonderful opportunity to attend LPL (living proof live) in Fresno. Beth spoke from James 5. I found so much that I could identify with in her talk. It was encouraging to focus on where God has me at this time in my life. At first I thought that I was between the rains (rains of blessing) in the valley of wait, but upon further reflection I realize that I am in the midst of rain in somes ways and waiting in others.
I really wanted to cement the truths that I received that weekend so decided to memorize James 5:7-11 for the month of April.

Here goes:

James 5:7-8
Be patient therefore brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

James 5:9-11
Do not grumble against one another brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold the Judge is standing at the door. As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

I have to admit that my memory work is not coming with ease this year. I've procrastinated and have had marshmallow brain it seems! Just having a much harder time getting the verses to "stick". But I've decided to not condemn myself about it. I am meditating on the verses and trying to plant them in my heart. God's Word in me will not come back void. He will produce a harvest in me. I am humbled by His love for me.

Sounds In My World

2011-04-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

Clock ticking.

Computer fan running.

The melody of windchimes.

Tinkling of my cat's collar bell.

Walls creaking.

Neighbor cheering.

Sirens blaring.

Cat yawning.

Phone beeping.

Me breathing.

Worship songs playing.

Refrigerator cooling.

Airplanes flying overhead.

My world can be so noisy. Amid the many different sounds that fill my days, the sound that I long to hear the most is the one that only comes when I slow myself down long enough and quiet my heart.

The sound of my Saviors voice.

Verses 3,4, and 5

2011-03-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

I've been out of the loop lately with the blog. Just have not had much to say but do want to make sure and document my experience with my scripture memory this year.

Verses 3 and 4 really focused my mind on being renewed and and how God gives me power to conquer those things in life that get in my way. It truly does all begin in the mind. I struggle so with what goes on in my mind. I do need the truth of God's word renewing the ugly lies that Satan feeds me over and over.
Will I ever gain victory?....Yes in Christ I will!

Verse 3:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

Verse 4:
She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7

Verse 5 was taken from my recent readings in the book of Deuteronomy. It just really spoke to me about who God is and how I am to hold to him with all my might and will. And to acknowledge that He is my praise and MY God. Just realizing that I need Him so much and for some reason I find myself not turning to Him first.

Verse 5:
You shall fear the Lord your God. You shall serve him and hold fast to him, and by his name you shall swer. He is your praise. He is your God, who has done for you these great and terrifying things that you eyes have seen.
Deuteronomy 10:20-21

SSMT Verse 2

2011-01-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are on the second posting of a verse for the SSMT (siesta scripture memory team). I had a harder time this go round of chosing a verse that spoke to my life. I spent a considerable amount of time this morning searching and searching for a verse. Usually, God gives me a verse without much trouble but this time that was not to be. I don't know why...could blame it on my weird mood lately...kind of disconnected. But I am learning that nothing is wasted when I give it to God and I've been trying to give those feeling over to him.

He is so good to me and I know that He is molding me into His image. Working on my character and producing hope within my heart. I almost chose to memorize the verse from Romans 5 that says that suffering produces endurance and that endurance produces character and that character produces hope. What I love is that it goes on to say that hope does not put us to shame (or as another version state, does not disappoint) because God's love has been poured into our hearts. I just may have to really meditate on this verse too!

But, alas, the verse that I've chosen to marinate in for the next two weeks is this:

No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, FULLY CONVINCED that God was able to do what he had promised.

I chose this verse because I need to be reminded that my faith is a constant and daily choice. I have to chose to trust God with everthing in my life each and every day. Sometimes, each and every hour. And on occasion, each and every minute.

I will confess, I struggle with distrust. Distrust of people and sadly enough, distrust of my Lord. I am trying so hard to trust Him with everything but it is hard. I think that it is in part connected to injuries of the soul that we all experience but I also think that it is connected to my sinful heart at times. I just don't want to trust God because trusting God means giving up what I want. It is a walk toward less and less selfishness. It is something that I do desire but really, the sinful man within me fights it.

God has made me a promise, one that involves my blessing, my freedom, my healing. If I would but trust him and not waver in my faith, I will become fully convinced that He will prove himself faithful!

Lord do it!

SSMT Verse 1

2011-01-02T19:56:00.001-08:00

Lord Jesus,
You promise to keep me in perfect peace when my mind is focused on you. I pray Lord, that in this new year I would have a mind that is stayed on you and that as I learn to keep it focused on you that you would build my trust in you.
You are good to me and I know that you are my rock. Help me to lean on you and you alone.

Amen

Final Post of 2010: The ABC's Of God

2010-12-31T10:42:00.000-08:00

This was incredibly helpful to me over the course of this year. My friend Cheri told me one day to focus on who God is and that it would help me by thinking of the ABC's and come up with an attribute of God to correspond.
So, here is my list.

A: God you are ALMIGHTY
B: God you are BURDEN BEARER
C: God you are COUNSELOR
D: God you are DELIVERER
E: God you are EMMANUEL
F: God you are FAITHFUL
G: God you are GENTLE
H: God you are HEALER
I: God you are INCREDIBLE
J: God you are JUST
K: God you are KIND
L: God you are LOVING
M: God you are MAJESTIC
N: God you are NEAR
O: God you are OMNIPRESENT
P: God you are PEACE
Q: God you are QUENCHER OF MY THIRST
R: God you are REDEEMER
S: God you are SAFE
T: God you are TRUSTWORTHY
U: God you are UNDERSTANDING
V: God you are VICTORIOUS
W: God you are WONDERFUL
X: God you are eXcellent
Y: God you are YOKE REMOVER
Z: God you are ZEALOUS FOR ME!

May your 2011 be blessed!

End Of The Year Musings

2010-12-28T09:04:00.000-08:00

It has been over 2 months since I've written on this blog. It never ceases to amaze me how time just marches on while I'm trying to keep in step!

My life has once again changed in big ways. I've moved yet again. Twice in one year is too much for me I think. This move is harder because I've pretty much been doing all of the work myself. And I am TIRED of the loading, hauling, and unloading of my "stuff".

It causes me to think about my "stuff" and how pitiful it is that I have so much. There are people who have nothing but what is on their backs and their loved ones. We here in the USA have so much. It is just absurd sometimes and it does cause my mind to spin. It causes me to give much thought to what I place my priority in.

Where do I spend my time?
Where do I spend my money?
What do I hold as valuable?

I have paid 67.00 a month to store my "stuff" and was able to live without it for 6 months! I am glad that one of the side effects of being without my stuff is that I am not as attached to it as I once was. Now I am in the midst of sorting through it and truly deciding what I need and what I don't need.

The struggles that I've endured this year has been such a driving force for me to re-evaluate my life. Re-evaluate my faith. I do believe that I have been under the hot refining fire of the Lord's testing. My faith is being refined and the truth of what I believe and trust is coming forth. It is my deep desire that the result of the refining would show pure gold. That I would emerge with a faith that is as pure gold and not ashes that result from the consumption of something that has no substance.
I know that I am closer to the Lord than I was one year ago.
It is a closeness that I am thankful for but still unsure why it had to occur this way.

I think that is probably one common question that believers ask. Why this way Lord? I don't want to ever be so comfortable with my life that I don't want to go where God goes but I will always try to understand why He chooses the road that He does somethimes.

I'm thinking that the answer to that question may never be revealed. It is probably not in my best interest to know. That is okay. I know that God's plan is best, even when it involves pain. I don't understand Him most of the time, but I am learning to trust Him. I try to place my full trust in Him and as of yet, I've not found Him to be unfaithful or untrustworthy.

As 2010 comes to an end, I find myself thinking of how grateful I truly am for the pain of this year. It has brought me closer to my Savior and has prompted a newness in my walk with Him. I hope that 2011 will be a better year but even if it is not, I know that my God will not let me go. He will hold me as long as I am reaching out for Him.

Discipleship, Do I Dare?

2010-10-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

I am behind a little on this Radical Walk with God. How did we get to chapter 5 already??!!

This weeks reading covered the topic of discipleship. When I think of making disciples, the first thing that I think of is a small group that I was involved in as a young beliver. I don't remember the name of the study materials that we used but I know that it had the word "discipleship" in it. I was so excited to begin learning the truths of the Word of God and was so happy to have an "older" believer in the body of Christ walk with me through the experience. Allison was only 4 or 5 years older than me but she definately was more mature in her faith!

What I did not know then is that the discipleship did not happen via the material. Don't get me wrong, the material was great and very helpful. It was a catalyst for discipleship that occured because Allison made time to meet with me, invest in my life, and encourage my search in my newfound faith.

Discipleship happened because Allison was commited to walking in RELATIONSHIP with me. As David Platt states in his book Radical, "Making disciples is not an easy process. It is trying. It is messy. It is slow, tedious, even painful at times. It is all these things because it is relational." (93). The short period of time that I was learning about the basics of the bible was a time that forever impacted my relationship with Christ. I learned many truths that to this day I refer back to over and over. They are foundational to my beliefs. I also learned that being a Christ follower is not lived out with my nose burried in the book. It is lived out day to day as I walk in relationship with my heavenly Father, believers, and unbelievers in my world.

As I've been reading this book and hearing messages from other sources I have discovered (with much conviction!) that my faith is not about me at all! It is about how I can share the Gospel with those in my midst and how I can bring glory to God through my life. As I think of discipleship, I am reminded of a young woman who was commited to pouring time, energy, and love into my life. As I remember those lunch hours with Allison, I am encouraged to pour out my life into others in intentional ways, building relationships. I want to be a blessing to those God places in my path.

I am encouraged to seek all that God has for me in my relationship with Him so that I can be a benefit to another. As Platt writes, "In order to teach someone else how to pray, we need to know how to pray. In order to help someone else learn how to study the Bible, we need to be active in studying the Bible. But this is the beauty of making disciples. When we take responsibility for helping others grow in Christ, it automatically takes our own relationship with Christ to a new level". (100-101)

So, where does this take me and how can I apply this lesson to my life today?

I am encouraged to open my eyes and see where God has placed me at this moment. I am living with a couple who are fairly new in their walk with the Lord. I am commanded to love them with the love of Christ and invest my time and energy into their lives.

I am also involved in a ladies small group on Thursday mornings at church. I love my group so much and am so excited to see how God will use us to disciple each other. I have already been blessed in many, many, sweet ways. I am praying that as I grow in relationship with these ladies, that God would use me in their lives too. He has definately used them in mine!

Discipleship is a sweet thing. Let's make sure that we are seeking to walk in relationship with those that God has placed in our lives making disciples!

Hunger

2010-09-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

Hunger. What does it mean to you?

Well according to Websters Dictionary it means a few different things
First:
"A craving or urgent need for food or specific nutrient"
Then:
"An uneasy sensation occasioned by the lack of food"
Next:
"A weakened condition brought about by prolonged lack of food"
And finally:
"A strong desire"

When I think of my physical body, I am very well acquainted with my "hunger". I know when I have a craving or need for food. I know when my body senses an uneasy feeling due to lack of food and I physically feel weak. When I feel this sensation I have 2 choices; ignore it and remain in hunger or attend to it and feed myself. Very rarely do I ignore it! I have a deep love for food!

What about my spirit?

Do I readily recognize hunger in my spirit?

I think that I do. I know that when I am feeling "out of sorts" it is usually due to the fact that I am malnourished spiritually. I begin to feel uneasy and weak. My stamina in my faith is diminished when I've not partaken of the sustenance from the Lord's table.

However, the next question really trips me up!

"Is His Word enough for me?"

CONVICTED!

This is a heavy thought for me. It is a convicting thought. Am I fully sustained purely and singley by the perfect and all sustaining Word of God?

Lord, how I want to be!

But the truth of the matter, is that I am not. Goodness knows that I try and try and try to fill my hunger with things of this world rather than with the Word.

Why do I do this????

Well, for starters, I have difficulty trusting the Word as God's source for me. I want to see my salvation, I want to feel my comfort, I want to hear the voice that leads me. So I search for filling in every other way that will satisfy my senses.

Lord forgive me!

I have bowed to the god of idolism. Even if I try to say that I haven't, I recognize that I have. As Isaiah proclaims "Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips" so too I utter this cry. Woe is me for I am a woman of an impure heart. Woe is me for I am a woman of little trust. I take heart though that even though Isaiah was a man of sinfulness, he was redeemed and allowed a vision of God's glory. It brings me comfort because as I recognize and confess my shortcomings, I too will be redeemed and changed by the vision of His glory.

Praise God that I have complete redemption in Him!

This journey through Radical so far has not been pleasant. It is uncomfortable to say the least...excruciating to be quite honest. It is forcing me to look at my face in the mirror of God's Word and decide how I will respond. Will I walk away and forever forget what I've seen or will I take what I see, ugly as it is (the state of my heart) and plead God's forgiveness. I can't bear the thought of walking away unchanged so I chose today to look at the difficult things that He is revealing to me and surrender them to Him.

I am hungry. I am blessed to have a Lord who gives me his Word for my sustenance.

The Law of Kindness: LPL Simulcast 2010

2010-09-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the privilige of attending the Living Proof Live Simulcast at Cross Point Church in Modesto. It was a great day in the Word and in worship with other believers. It is said that there were 125,000 women (and a few brave men!) involved in the simulcast! So so cool!

The theme verse for the simulcast was from Proverbs 31:26

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

The first thing that I learned about this passage of scripture is that it is an acrostic. Each beginning letter is in alphabetical order according to the hebrew alphabet. This makes it a special piece of poetry. The other thing that I learned is that the piece of scripture is a chiastic. A chiastic is a literary structure by which concepts or ideas are placed in a special symmetric order or pattern where emphasis can be made. For example, the quote "Do you eat to live, or live to eat" is a chiastic.

The focus of our study centered around the phrase "the law of kindness". In the hebrew, "law of kindness" is translated "torat-hesed" which translates literally the "torah of kindness".

Why study this topic we were asked.....

Well for one, we live in a mean world. And we can count on it getting meaner as the times come closer and closer to the end.

2 Timothy 3:1-5
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

And secondly, because "she openeth her mouth". We were reminded that the effect of us opening our mouths is great! We are all teachers and publishers. We were encouraged to make sure and be aware of what is coming out of our mouths and from our fingertips. We must allow the Holy Spirit to function as our editor. We also need to refrain from just making noise!
Beth shared a little funny with us that really makes sense
"eat is before you tweet it" and "flog it before you blog it"....so true.

Remeber, that according to Luke 6:45, out of the overflow of our hearts the mouth speaks. So I was challennged to be aware of the state of my heart and be mindful of what is coming out of my mouth.

So if the law of kindness is on my tongue then I have 8 tastes of it.

1. Kindess is not a weakness
According to Luke 6:35-36, I am commanded to love my enemies, to do good, to lend, and to expect nothing in return. When I do this I will receive a great reward. To be conisdered a daughter of the Most High because He is kind to the ungrateful and evil. So when I am exhibiting kindness to others who are difficult, I am blessed. One point that Beth made that was interesting to me is that kindness and niceness are two very different things. Niceness was noted as meaning of being ignorant, not to know, or not knowing. Kindess, by opposition, is knowing. It is not just being nice. In kindness we can speak a strong word if it is needed. Psalm 141:5 says "Let a righteous man strike me-it is a kindness; let him rebuke me-it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it".
Nice is fine, but kindness is divine!

2. Kindness is not an action its a disposition.
Kind as an adjective is translated "crestos" in the Greek. It means profitable, fit, good for any use. Of persons, useful toward others, good natured, being of good use to others. (NT lexical aids)
Kindness as a noun is translated "crestotes" in the Greek. It means grace with pervades the whole nature. It is descriptive of ones disposition. It cannot be faked!

3. Kindness wears down when we do.
This is one that resonated with me! Daniel 7:25 describes how in the last days, the antichrist will be busy wearing down the saints. When we are worn down, we can begin to form bad habits in relationships. Matthew 11:28-30 describes how we are to take off our burdensome yokes in exchange for Jesus' yoke. It is said in this passage that his yoke is "easy" and his burden is "light". The word "easy" is translated "crestos" which is the Greek word for kind. So Jesus is saying, that his yoke is kind. It is for our profit or good use.
What situations wear us down?
* Resentment: According to 2 Timothy 2:24 the word of the Lord instructs us not to be quarrelsome but kind.
* Hatred or Jealousy: In Genesis 37:4 we learn about how Josephs brothers were jealous of their fathers treatment of this youngest son. It says that they hated him. This is a strong sentiment that I don't want to be descriptive of me or my relationships.
Anytime that we are worn down, we need to be built up. It is important that we stay connected to the body of believers sharing our lives with them. Being built up happens overwhelmingly in the coorporate context, not the individual context. Ephesians 4:12, 16, and 29 says that the saints are to build up the body of Christ.

4. Kindness looks pain in the face.
In Job 6:28, Job tells his friends to be pleased to look at him. When we are walking in kindness, we are willing and quick to look pain in the face. We don't turn our eyes when presented with someone elses pain. We need to be listening to what others are saying and be kind enough to look them in the face. Acknowledge their plight.
The word "appeared" in Titus 3:4 is translated "epiphaino" which is where we get our word "epiphany". The Lords lovingkindness is an ephiphany in our lives. We walk by faith but our faith is wrapped up in the fact of scripture.

5. Kindness is a Savior.
In Ephesians 2:7 we learn that God shows us the immesurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. This rendering of kindness is the word "epiphany" again! Jesus is kindness personified. As our savior, he shows us intimately the true meaning of kindness. We must remember that we cannot be anyones savior. Trying to be any one persons everything is sin. Don't do it!

6. Kindness has good memory.
In Psalm 106:7, we are told of how when the Israelites were in Egypt, they forgot the Lords kindness toward them. They forgot the miracles that He worked among them. When we don't actively remember his many kindnesses, we enter into a season of rebellion. We make ourselves prime targets for satan and his demons to attack us. We must continually remind ourselves of the kindness that God has shown us. We must remember that He has been good.
He promises in Hosea 11:4 to bend down toward me and remove my unkind yoke and replace it with a kind yoke of freedom. His desire is that I walk in freedom and that is what his yoke is. I am tethered to him by his cord of kindness.

7. Kindness craves an outlet.
When I am walking in kindness, I need to be asking myself, "is there anyone that I can show kindness to?". In 2 Samuel 9:1, David desires to show kindness to someone of Jonathons household out of his deep love for his friend. He asks if there is anyone whom he can show kindness to. He shows a willing heart to step into the life of another and be actively involved in showing kindness. I must remind myself though that in showing kindness, I must profit the person, not be an enabler. Remember, we have an overflow so give of it!

8. Kindness leaves a legacy.
Walking in kindness leaves a leagacy for those who follow after us. We all have a spiritual line so we must leave a legacy for those coming next. Remember, that as we move forward the power of Christ is strong enough to break any stronghold handed down or willingly taken up. Begin to leave a legacy of kindness. Commit to walk through the process with God, becuase our children will not learn by accident.

This simulcast was an amazing time of worship and teaching. May I never forget the lessons that I learned and may they not serve only as new knowledge. May I continue to be transformed by the word spoken to me!

Radical Abandonment

2010-09-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

What is radical abandonment?

Websters Dictionary defines radical as "marked by a considerable departure from the usual or traditional" and abandonment as "to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly".

So in regards to our faith I can venture to say that "radical abandonment" means departing considerably from the usual or traditional in order to give oneself up unrestrainedly to the Lord.

Wow! That is a mouthful of a definition and a deeply convicting thought.

Is my life marked by radical abandonment?

I would like to say "yes, absolutely!" but the truth of the matter is that I don't think that I am. In Luke 9:57-62, Jesus describes to 3 different people the cost of following him. It is a huge cost. It is homelessness, it is not being present in major times of life like the death of a loved one, it is being separated from dearly loved family and friends. It is radical abandonment.

As Jesus called these people, so too God has called me to leave behind all things that I am comfortable with in life and follow after Him. I don't believe that it is His desire that I be uncomfortable in life but that I would be so trusting of His hand and character that I would be willing should He call me to abandon all.

He has called me to radical abandonment.

In his book Radical, David Platt asks two questions of himself that I am asking of myself.

1. Am I going to believe Jesus?

2. Am I going to obey Jesus?

These questions should be no-brainers! The answers should be "yes". I should be completely and utterly willing to believe Jesus and obey Him. It should be so easy.

But in all honesty, it is not.

I struggle with believing God. It is hard for me to believe that He has my best interests at heart. It is hard for me to believe that He truly cares for me. It is hard for me to believe that He will work everything together for good in my life. It is hard for me to believe that He listens to me.

Because I struggle with believing Him, I struggle with obeying Him. If I don't believe that He intends good for me, that He truly cares for me, that He listens to me, that He loves me, then I live life continually defeated, down, and in despair. I don't trust God and believe Him for who He says He is.

This is unbelief!

As I venture into this season of learning how to be "radical" in my faith my prayer is that I would surrender to God every nook and crannie of my heart and life. That as I die to myself, that He would hold me up and assure me of His love, His provision, and His acceptance.

I lay my heart out as the father prayed in Mark 9:24 "I believe, help my unbelief!"

Pinecrest and Playing with Light

2010-08-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

It has been a few weeks since I attended a photgraphy workshop hosted by my sweet friend Amber. Since then, I've had the opportunity to play around with my camera trying to put to good use and practice the lessons that I learned. My camera has accompanied me to places like Lake Tahoe and Pinecrest. I've taken pictues in those places that were fun and creative. A few to be viewed here but the ones that I've had the most fun with were taken right here in my little bedroom just tonight.

So allow me to introduce you to my oh so handy dandy model:
My Scentsy Plug In!

I had the most fun trying to figure out ways to be creative with angles and light and this is what I ended up with:

Monday was the start of the new school year. As a way to care for my emotional well-being, I decided to get out of dodge for the day. I tried and tried to get friends from church to go with me but for one reason or another, they were unable. I was disappointed but God in his goodness made sure that I did not spend the day alone. Julie, my long time friend from childhood and early church days, was able to go with me up the hill and we had the best of times relaxing. We arrived and got lunch ready and sat for a bit. Then we headed into the lake. IT WAS COLD! And of course, I had the floaty that required me to be at least half way submerged in the water. Julie was sitting like a princess in her pink gigantic floaty that kept her completely above the water! To get over my half cold, half warm self, I dediced to ditch the float and swim out to the bouy's. Let me just say that I needed to get out of the water and into the sun for a warm up after that. It was divine though! I was able to talk to God about the state of my heart while floating on the lake looking at the blue sky and pine trees. Such sweetness for my soul.

Here are a few pics from pinecrest:

Lake Tahoe

2010-08-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

My weekend in Tahoe was amazing! Stephanie looked so beautiful and the wedding was so much fun. Seeing family that I've not spent time with in a long time was a blessing.

Being together with my brothers and sister in laws was a special thing. We've never had a weekend spent together and this one was one that will be in my memory for many years. We ate together, sat together, danced together and spent countless moments just enjoying each others presence. It was sweet.

I had intended to spend some time with Jesus on the beach. On Saturday morning I awoke early and started to get ready. I think in my attempt to be quiet, I was kind of noisy. My sister in law Kendra woke up and decided that she wanted to go with me to the beach. We set off for Starbucks first for some chai and oatmeal for me and carmel latte and chicken sandwich for her. After we got our morning fare, we headed out. We found this little spot not too far from the Starbucks. We quickly learned that it was the dog beach. Let me just say that it was an experience! We quickly decided that we needed to find a nicer spot. After all, I'd seen countless pictures online of gorgeous beaches and pristine blue water! The dog beach was just not going to cut it! I decided to drive us up toward Emerald Bay and we found Pope Beach. It was just what I was expecting and we had a wonderful time sitting taking in the beauty of the lake and mountains. We spent hours talking about what God is doing in our lives and how we can't do this life thing without Him. She is a precious blessing in my life and I just love that we have our Lord and Savior in common.

On Sunday I headed out by myself with the intention of praying and journaling and doing my bible study. I grabbed my chai and got in the car. I wanted badly to see Emerald Bay and so that is where I headed. It was a beautiful drive up the mountain, although a bit scary at times (10mi/hour curves!). When I reached the vista I was so so blessed to see such beauty. Our God is so creative! I thank Him that He has put such a love of nature in my heart. I love that He has made me that way! I stayed up at the vista for about 45 minutes just taking it all in (and yes, taking way too many pictures!). Then I headed back down the mountain and met my brothers and sister in laws for breakfast at The Driftwood Cafe. This little restaurant was so cute! It had really good food too. My sister in law, Helena let me have a taste of her potato pancake. They were really good. Wish that I would have ordered them instead of the turkey burger that I later had trouble digesting!

Here are a few pics from the weekend.

Emerald Bay. Can you believe how blue the water is?!

Stephanie and Kyle's first dance

My brother Matt and sister in law Helena

Sister in laws! Kendra, Helena, and I

Sunset from the top of Heavenly

Stephanies cute shoes!

The tram that we rode up to the top of Heavenly in

Kyle and Stephanie exchanging their vows

Kendra and I on Pope Beach

Beautiful view from Pope Beach

Weekend Destination

2010-08-04T11:44:00.001-07:00

This weekend my cousin Stephanie is getting married.

I can't believe it! My little cousin is going to become someone's wife. I am so excited to see her get all dolled up in her beautiful dress and recite her vows to her soon to be husband, Kyle. I'm excited to see family. I'm excited to spend time dancing and celebrating with my loved ones. But, the reason that my heart is full of joy and delight is that I will be spending a few days relishing in what is my opinion, one of the most beautiful places in CA/NV.

LAKE TAHOE!

How I am anxiously anticipating the special quiet that I am determined to get while there! I am looking forward to spending some special time with God sitting by the lake and taking in His creative display in creation. He knows how it causes my heart to fill with peace when I sit silently in His presence. It is something that I desperately need right now.

As I reflect on life lately, I am learning that this is a place of total surrender and dependence on God. It is a place that, honestly, I've never truly been.
A place that He is teaching me that I need to be in times of prosperity as well as in times of need. With my life turned so completely upside down lately, I thought that I would have an excess of time with my Lord. I had this vision that my time with Him would be so perfect right now because of my release from career responsibility and the extra free time.

However, I can't say that that is how it has been.

I've definately spent some very special one on one time with the Lord since losing my job...I've needed Him but I've not given Him my heart and trust fully. Our relationship has been work. I would love to just rest in him.

This realization is good because right now, 3 days before I leave for one of the most beautiful places in my neck of the woods, I am ready to surrender fully.

I will give the Lord every part of my heart.
I will give the Lord every ounce of my trust.
I will give the Lord every moment of my day.
I will give the Lord every thought that scampers through my mind.
I will give Him my entire being.

No more trying to go at it on my own.
No more seeking my best interest.
No more giving my sinful nature the front seat.

My Jesus has paid dearly for my sin, I can give Him back something worthwile; my surrendered heart.

So in just 3 short days, my heart will be blessed: I WILL SEE THE LAKE but more than that, I WILL GET TO WORSHIP MY JESUS IN A SPECIAL WAY!

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!

Be assured, pictures will soon be up of the weekend.

For now, here are my latest attempts to put my new photography knowledge to practice

Picture of crayons: reminds me of childhood!

Love truly is patient. Lord help me to see those you've placed in my life as you do.

Sunlight through tree leaves

Rock and pretty wildflowers at Stan State

SnapShot Saturday

2010-08-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I had the awesome opportunity to attend a photography workshop that my friend Amber hosted. I was so excited...it had actually been on my calendar for over a month. She hosted it at her in laws home/business. It was a beautiful setting for taking pictures. Amber walked us through the basics of photography like exposure, aperture, and shutter speed. She taught us how to freeze motion and how to take a picture where the motion is blurred. It was so much information but I really enjoyed learning. Toward the end of the afternoon I was absolutely confused but with some re-visits to my handy dandy notes, I began to understand it more more clearly. My goal of getting out of auto or program was reached! I finally shot completely in manual with the added bonus of knowing what I was doing! (well, sort of!).

Here are a few of the pics that I took on Saturday.....

Kids Campus 2010

2010-07-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

Last week my church had our version of VBS called Kids Campus. It was my first time serving in this type of activity. I must say, it was so much fun! I was reminded yet again, that God has placed a deep love in my heart for children. When I became a Christian, that love grew to deeply desiring to see children learn about God.

This week was something that filled me with so much joy. It was a perfect way to uplift my spirit, give me purpose, and fill my heart with happiness.
The week was not easy...it was quite challenging. But God worked in a mighty way over the course of the week not only in my group, but in me, and in the other 400 plus kids and staff who were on our campus.

My top 10 favorites of Kids Campus at Big Valley Grace:

1. Hearing the angelic voices of over 300 children singing praises to God.

2. My kiddos wanting to sit next to me during chapel, lunch, quiet time, craft time, etc…they just always wanted to be near me.

3. Freeness of spirit that you see in children.

4. How they worship without any thought to how they appear…true worship from the heart.

5. The servant hearts of the junior high and high school students who helped out.

6. Serving with and getting to know my two eighth graders who assisted with the group. They learned so much too!

7. Recreation time!!!! It was CRAZY FUN!

8. Being able to serve my little ones in a tangible way such as making sure they had enough food during lunch. We got to eat family style with me being responsible for serving them.

9. Hearing my 2nd graders pray to our God.

10. Closing chapel when the sanctuary was quiet, low lit, and the cross was in the center of the stage…sitting next to Cauvion (say-v-on) and him asking who the man on the screen was. When I said “Jesus”, he got excited and said, “that’s Jesus?!”. Sweet to see this very distractable little boy quiet himself long enough to think about Jesus!

I can't wait for next year!

Focus Session 1: Hebrews 12:1-3

2010-06-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you do not grow weary or lose heart."

Back in April, I attended my church's annual women's retrat. I love women's retreat for many reasons such as the fellowship, the rest, the relaxation, the laughter, the tears, but most of all....the uninterrupted time with my Lord and Savior Jesus.
As you may have already read in one of my previous posts, this years retreat was very timely in my life. It happened a mere two days after I was told some very life changing news. That I was no longer going to be employeed. I was devastated but God made sure that He had something planned for me at the retreat that I could not have planned for myself: His peace, comfort, and control over the situation revealed to me at the perfect time.

Here is my recap of the retreat.

Session 1: Focusing on the race of faith
Colleen started the weekend off by comparing our lives of faith to running a race. As a runner gets ready to run a race, so we too need to get ready to run our race of faith. The first point that she made was that:

1. Faith is not a feeling. It is a choice.
You choose to believe in spite of how you feel. Sometimes our feeling can be so strong that we may "feel" like we will lose our faith in the midst of our trials, but we have to choose faith over our feelings. This is really hard for me, especially right now as some days I "feel" so much and then other days, very little at all.
One statement that gave me strength was, "When you are in the basement of your faith, go back to the truth." One way that she suggested to do this is to journal. She talked about journaling notes to yourself to process what you are feeling. When feeling confused take out your journal and tell God how you feel. One suggestion that Colleen gave that I liked was to journal notes to yourself. So if you are feeling that God is far away, tell yourself in your journal that you feel like God is far away but then, follow it up with the truth of the Word.
Speaking truth into our lives and specifically to our situation, is like learning to drive a car; it takes practice. This is also hard for me because I want it to be automatic. And it is not. It is a process. Another suggestion that she had was to sing to yourself to guard your thoughts. I liked this idea because I love music and am always singing along with my ipod or the radio. But to sing to myself even without music is probably a crucial activity to engage in because I have the tendency to run untruths through my mind.
The second point of running the race of faith is:

2. Faith grows

The growth that accompanies faith is not a single-time gift but rather, a process. It begins as a little seed, growing into a plant, then into a mighty tree. Because faith is a growing process, it is okay to be where I am at this moment. Growth will come through our prayers and God answers prayer. If I pray for my faith to grow, then I can be assured that God will answer that prayer.
One way to make sure that your faith is growing is the ability to praise God in the midst of the stormy times in life. When we praise, we benefit because we get to see who God is. As we praise the Lord, He will grow and eventually our problems will diminish.
Another way that faith grows is through hearing the Word of God. If one desires to grow, she must be in the Word. Being in the Word of God allows a believer to take small parts of scripture to meditate on. Then it is good to pray those word back to the Lord.
Ephesians 1:3 God has blessed us with EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING.
Faith also grows through fellowship. In order for our faith to grow, we have to run the race with other believers. We have to be engaged in fellowship, having others know what is going on in our lives. As a runner in a race runs with others and receives encouragement to continue on by seeing others run, we too need to run with our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith and allow their run to encourage us to keep going.

The third point of running the race of faith is:

3. Faith is refined

This point was one that touched a chord for me. To think that we will walk this road of faith without a little burning and pain is naieve. In order for faith to grow, it has to be scorched. If we do not allow God to take us through the fire, we will never be able to affect the lives of others. God will bring peace to our thoughts, He will guard our hearts and minds.
In order to ensure that faith is reproduced, it needs to be scorched. God has allowed the circumstances in our lives that hurt to build our character and to teach us to trust Him. We must let Him bring us through the fire.
Colleen said at this point that "if you feel things contrary to faith, believe God anyway!" This is crucial as I feel a lot of things that are contrary to faith right now. But I must chose to believe. I have to believe that God has brought me to this point because He wants me to get to know Him in a new way. We learn to have faith not in faith itself, but in God!

Lord, How I Trust Thee

2010-05-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

My God has called me to walk in relationship with Him through this time of great change.
I am tired of it already and it has not even been that long of a journey, but He is calling me to walk in obedience to His voice. I keep asking Him, "Lord, what do you want me to learn through this?" and "Why is it necessary for me to walk THIS road?". I want to ask "Lord, why not another road" but know that it would be a sure sign of the lack of trust in my Lord that I struggle with. I guess I could ask Him because He is my Father and His desire is that, as His child, I would come to Him with an open and vulnerable heart.
So, for today, I choose to follow after Him. To chase after Him. Not that He is leaving me but that I don't want to get too far behind. I want to be walking hand in hand with Him but I am realizing that this is not a stroll that we are on. It is more of a hike and you don't hold hands during a hike. The trail is narrow and you follow the guide ahead of you. And it is hard work. It gets your blood pumping and your heart working harder. And it can feel uncomfortable.
That is me and God right now. He is the guide and I am the one following after Him. We are on a hike toward greater maturity and trust in Him. I don't really want to be on this hike. It is hard and uncomfortable. I'd like to go back to the meadow of comfort but then I would surely miss out on God and that is not something that I am willing to do. I will go this path because the alternative of missing God is much more scary.
Everyone tells me that I can trust Him to lead me. And I do....most of the time.
But every now and then I forget and I cave to my fears.
Fears that really are silly. But in the moment, they feel very real and very big and very life consuming. And my God knows that I struggle with this fear. And He is patient with me.
So for today, I chose to follow my Jesus as He leads me through this dense forest and rough terrain. He is taking me up a high mountain and I must trust that He is going to protect me. He will not be unconcerned for my safety, He will not chide me and taunt me with all the things that I've done wrong and the ways that I've messed up. Or criticize me for lacking courage. He will be patient with me and wait for me when I am afraid. He will encourage me to take each step. And when I grow weary, He will encourage me to keep going. He will grab my hand and help me when I am afraid to step from one level to the next. He will not let me go.

He is faithful and I am going to trust Him.

Unchanging and Faithful

2010-05-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

Life has changed in every way possible. Over the last month, I've had to work my way through believing that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do.

Last month, on April 21st to be exact, I found out that I was not to be reconsidered for re-election at my job. This basically means that I won't be offered a contract to teach again next year.

I was flabbergasted and at once, my heart shattered into many, many tiny fragmented pieces. I suddenly was overcome with feelings of shame, guilt, failure, and remorse. I now realize that satan was working on overdrive in order to get me to believe his filthy lies. That I was a total and complete failure. That I had no future. That my world as I knew it was over. That my God was not who He said He was. That I would fall apart.

But he did not succeed..

I was told and reminded that no matter what, my God is who He says He is.

That is, unchanging....

Malachi 3:6 "I the LORD do not change."

1 Samuel 15:29 "He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind."

Numbers 23:19 "God is not a man, that he should lie,nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"

James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

and faithful......

Exodus 34:6 "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Deuteronomy 7:9 "Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands."

Psalm 18:25 "To the faithful you show yourself faithful,to the blameless you show yourself blameless"

Psalm 33:4 "For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."

Psalm 36:5 "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies."

Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Lamentations 3:22-23 "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness."

1 Corinthians 1:9 "God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Revelation 19:11 "I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war."

He will hold me and lead me into a new path toward greater holiness.
I am struggling with natural human emotions and grief. I've learned that this is a very natural process and that I have to walk through it. But, the sweetest thing of all is that I don't have to walk through it alone. I have the Creator of the earth to walk me, holding my hand and leading me into a new experience.

He is the reason that I get up in the morning and get dressed. He is the reason that I go to work and try to love on the little ones that I have for such a short period of time left. He is the reason that I am still able to sing His praises. He is the reason that I continue on.

If it were not for Him, I honestly don't know how I would be handling this.

I don't know how people who do not have a relationship with the Lord, respond to trials, tribulations, and tests in their lives.

I just know that without my Jesus, I would be completely lost.

Through this trial, I have discovered a beauty in the body of Christ that I've not experienced before. My sisters in Christ have stepped up and entered into my crisis and have shouldered the burden and pain of my trial. They have helped me lift my head when all I can do is hang it in shame. They are a source of support that I desperetly need and I am eternally grateful for their devotion.

My God is with me in this...even in this.

The phrase that I was told by my sweet friend Tricia is from a Beth Moore study and it says

"If this, then God."

That is crucial to me.....

If I lose my job, then God.

If I lose my house, then God.

If I lose my security, then God.

Because it does not matter what life throws at me....with God I can do all things and He is faithful and unchanging.

I can trust Him in the midst of uncertainty and everpresent change, because He does not change.

Saturday Lazies....

2010-04-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday, the sun is shinning, and I am sitting here on this computer looking at the mess in my bedroom. What I'd really like to be doing is be outside clipping flowers or going for a walk but just can't get myself to get going. I do need to be in Turlock in about an hour and a half so I will need to get moving but that is just not the point.
The point is that I have so much to do and the battle with procrastination and laziness is a tough one to fight.
Actually, I am tired of fighting anyway....guess that explains the reason for my idle mindset.
I've struggled with procrastination since I was a little kid. It was always on my report card and was typically the number one complaint that my teachers had against me. I was just a big procrastinator. I don't know why.....I am considering it right now as I contemplate my life and why I am the way that I am.
This procrastination has many times infliltrated my relationship with the Lord....I'm just too darn lazy to spend time with Him too. I wish that I could shake a magic wand over myself and make me "more normal"...whatever that is!
I just want to have a fulfilling, peace filled relationship with the Lord. And, truth be told, I don't. I have a difficult, struggle to obey, often more rote than riviting relationship with Him.
But what I've learned is that it is okay. My obedience to Him right now is the cord that is keeping me attached to Him. I don't FEEL like obeying but I must. I don't have anything else in this life to cling to or be attached to like my Lord. If not for Him, I would chase one lie after another.
And friends, THAT IS NOT MY DESIRE FOR MY LIFE ON THIS EARTH!!!
I want to be chasing after the truth....I want truth in my inmost parts so deep that it fills me with total satisfaction, fulfillment, energy, passion.
Right now....I'm teetherd to my Father, but not feeling any life blood flowing through the cord.
What does that mean????
I don't know. All I do know is that I'd rather have this umbilical cord attached than cut.
Never do I want separation from my Lord and Savior to be a characteristic of my life. I'd rather have obedience attachment with little or no feeling associated than separation.
So, where do I go from here???
Well, for today I am going to get myself dressed, make up on, hair combed, and head out the door for my appointment. Then I will visit a few discount stores while I'm in town and then I might head for a drive in the country and hash out these things with the Lord. I know that He knows them...heavens, I've already shared them here! But I think that I need a little bit of time with Him alone and distraction free.

So, for today, may the Lord bless you and keep you...may the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you peace!

HAPPY SATURDAY!

Serving the Body of Christ: Patsy Clairmont Weekend

2010-02-21T10:16:00.000-08:00

This weekend was our church's big women's event. We had the wonderful delight and privilige to host Patsy Clairmont on Friday night and Saturday morning. It truly was a delight to serve the body during this event. I had been invited about a month ago by one of our women's ministry leaders to serve at the event. I was quick to say yes and waited to hear what my job would be. At our meeting to talk about the event I found out that I'd be helping out with the food, which I was happy to do. But upon looking at Colleen's list of jobs, it seemed that there were not enought ladies listed for the book table. I asked her if I could help out with the book table and she said yes.
On Friday afternoon before the event I and many, many other ladies went to the church early to help fill 1500 gift bags with treats for the women. IT.WAS.QUITE.A.BIG.JOB!!!!!!! But oh so much fun :) Starting early on Friday helped get me going for the event....serving is so fun when approached from the perspective of "what can I do to bring glory to God" and totally and completely giving Him the control of the entire event!
I would venture to say that our event turned out so wonderfully because of the leadership and direction of our ministry leaders: Connie, Colleen, and Gretchen.....these ladies are true servants and disciples. They continually seek the Lord in all maters related to the women of our church and in their own personal lives. With their hearts focused on serving the women of our church and the community, God's plan was put into working order and many, many, many women were impacted by the Lord.
I just absolutely love my church and am excited to walk the road that the Lord has planned for me at Big Valley. Serving Him is a delight and I am filled with a renewed love and passion for his people!

Here are a few pics from the event......

Serving the Body of Christ with my fellow sisters in the Lord, Carol and Sarah

Miss Patsy Clairmont speaking at our women's event....she was so wonderful!

Thought how funny it was that I tried, and tried, and tried to get a good pic of Patsy but she always had her mouth open in the picture! Guess she would agree that there is hardly a moment when her mouth is not closed....Praise God that out of her mouth comes His praises! She is a precious, precious, woman of God!

Me and my sweet friend Cheryl...love her!

Little gods

2010-02-16T16:56:00.000-08:00

It's happened yet again....I've been duped into believing that I can attain some semblence of worth and purpose in my life from something or someone apart from God himself.

What is it about the little gods in my life that I am so attracted to????? I know better...I know the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Each time that it happens I ask myself "Bethany, why is it that you get yourself caught up in this pit of idolatry over and over and over again???".
The question asked in a moment of frustration produces feelings of shame, guilt, anger, depression, etc....

I don't know why I fall again and again into this awful pit......I HATE IT.....it torments me when I fail to see and understand that my God is the only one worthy of my deepest love and adoration.
Too many times I fall and attribute these affections to that which He has created.

I want to be free from it but I get confused. I don't understand how to give my heart fully and completely to God. Don't get me wrong, I know how to love God, how to worship God, how to serve God....but to surrender to Him and to give my full adoration to someone that I cannot physically see, feel, or hear.....it's just so hard sometimes to understand it.

But, more than the frustration of trying to figure it all out is the shame, guilt, and despair that I feel when I give that love, adoration, and loyalty to anyting that is not Him.

These are the "little gods" in my life; the things that I try to find purpose and meaning in. Some of them are good things...good for me and God honoring in the beginning. But they turn into "gods" before long and cease to bring glory to my God and Father. Some of these "gods" are useless things like excess food, negative thought patterns, and bitterness. These things just need to go!!!!! But the things that are "good" like relationships, church work, career....how do you not let those aspects of your life become "gods"?....

I think that the answer is to give yourself fully, without reservation, and uncovered to the one true GOD! He has made me and he knows me. He knows that I contemplate with deep frustration how all of these aspects of the Christian life work together and He tells me that his thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are his ways my ways.....rather his thoughts and ways are higher than my own. Read it for yourself here out of his Word:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

This verse brings me some comfort because it describes to me that I cannot understand His ways. But that I have to trust Him in that state of not understanding. His ways are higher than mine and if they are higher, I have to trust that they are better also. He has a plan and He will make sure that it is brought to completion. I can choose to join Him in it or to chase after all my "little gods"....

Which will I choose?

Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:14-15

Love Notes

2010-02-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day bloggie friends!

On this day of love, may the love of our Lord and Savior fill your heart completely. He is the one true love, always dependable, never failing, and His love is unconditional and extravant. It is the most scandalous love that we've ever known.
So, today as you celebrate with your special someone or if you are alone, remember you are loved immensely by the one who is love.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

"However, the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the LORD your God loves you" Deuteronomy 23:5

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." Psalm 63:3

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

How Beautiful Is The Body of Christ! Part 2

2010-01-30T07:40:00.000-08:00

Warning: Lots of pictures and very long post!

So, last weekend I had the awesome privilige to attend the Scripture Memory Team Celebration in Houston Tx. If you read my last post, you understand how I was able to attend this event. If you did not read it...I suggest that you do so now....just too much info to put back into this post (it'll be long enough anyway!!!).

When I left off on the last post, I was telling you how wonderful it was to travel with my new sweet friend Yvonne and how we got settled into our humble abode at the Omni Hotel in Houston. Yeah...that was such a wonderful blessing!!!!

I also told you how God had caused our paths to cross with our new sister in the Lord, Tami from South Dakota. Well, here is a picture of Tami, Yvonne, and I....aren't these gals just beautiful....they shine with the love of Christ :)

Yvonne, Tami, and I

On Friday afternoon, Y, T, and I were hanging out in the lobby of the Omni Hotel and who do we run smack dab into??? Of course it was Travis (our resident Miesta on the blog and incredible worship leader) and Georgia Jan (I love this gal!!!!). I am so glad that we got to meet and hug each others necks! The body of Christ just never ceases to amaze me. I am incredibly blessed.

Me and Travis.

Sweet, beautiful Georgia Jan....

After we had chatted with Jan, Twinkle (for the life of me, I can't remember her name), Wendy and Emmy we ran into this lovely group of ladies. Here we have Tracy, Heather, and Deidre.

Heather, Yvonne, Traci, Deidre, Beth, Tami

In God's perfect plan and timing, He caused Yvonne, Tami, and I to meet these gals. I had seen a post on the LPM blog a month or so back that Deidre posted that caused my heart to bleed for her. I emailed her to offer condolances and a bit of encouragement. She responded and my heart was so full, but as life would have it, I got busy and forgot about my sweet siesta and whether she would come to the event.

So when we met in the lobby of the hotel it clicked with me who Deidre was and how awesome our God is that He brought her right smack dab into our midst.

He is good...yes, He is!

Quick little bit of humor: Deidre was not too keen on eating Mexican food that night (neither was I!) but she was a trooper and we got through it together (with the help of her tums...thanks siesta!). She even tried avocado! Totally foreign to Yvonne and I who, probably from being native to CA, eat a ton of them. Just was not Deidre's thing :)

The girls at Houston's First Baptist....I was so excited to hear what the Lord would speak to me!

Little photo collage of the weekend at the celebration.

Top left picture is a scripture verse that I found in the bathroom of all places! I was so excited to see it because it was one of my verses for the year. I had to go back out to the lobby to get my camera to take a pic of it! I'm pathetic I know...but I have this insatiable need to document my life via photos!!!

Another God Story from the weekend is this one:

About a year ago, I stumbled across a blog written by a sweet gal named Katie from Tennessee. She writes so intimately from her heart about her life and her relationship with the Lord. We've been bloggie friends for the past year and in the course of that year, Katie became pregnant with her little miracle girl. Because she was due with "little girl" right around the time of the celebration, she was not going to be able to attend. About a week prior to the trip, Katie had posted a comment on my blog saying that her sister was going to the celebration and asked if I was going. As life would have it, I became so super busy that I was unable to respond to Katie. Then on Friday night after the 1st session, a group of siestas were hanging out in the presidential suite in the hotel. 2 gals walked in and I went over to say hello. We introduced ourselves (I think) and within a few minutes, I realized that I was speaking to Katie's sister Matia!!!! Our God is so good! Matia and I were so excited to meet each other because of our bond with Katie but as we talked into the night hours we found that we had a bond as sisters in the Lord....it was wonderful!!!!!

Me and my sweet friend Yvonne....I love her!

Another collage of the weekend during the celebration: beth, melissa, travis, amanda and us....so much fun!

The hotel had this pond out in the front where there were black swans swimming. I just had to get a picture but I had been told that they were aggressive. I found that they were quite pleasant. While photographing the swans, I saw a family of turtles....this little guy was the only one brave enough to stay on the embankment when I came near.

Little lone turtle....need I say more?!

Melissa with the lone turtle....

The pretty black swan...

My new friends hanging out in the lobby of the hotel. I think that we were getting ready to go to the Galleria.

Our little group. These gals will forever occupy a special place in my heart. Girls, I hope to spend time with you again :)

A larger group of Siestas that went out to dinner after the event on Saturday. Here we have Yvonne, Audrey, Tracy, Bridgette, Tami, Beth, Melissa, and Traci.

I was so excited to meet Audrey and Bridgette. Audrey was the gal who organized and orchestrated all of the siestas wearing a pink boa and the various places for us to get food. You know food is always a part of fellowship and it is just wonderful! (although this weekend, I was having terrible tummy issues so satan was trying to sabotage my joy. He worked hard but did not succeed!!!) One of the fun things that I got to do was go to The Chocolate Bar with Audrey and Bridgette. Chocolate covered everything! I bought a chocolate covered strawberry for myself and brought one back for Yvonne (who decided to stay back at the hotel).

Because I was so blessed to stay the entire weekend, I was able to attend church at HFBC. We ran into Amanda in the lobby of the church that morning and decided to join her and others in the chapel for the contemporary style of worship and watched Pastor Gregg Matte on the video screen. I loved it! It was a great experience and remided me very much of being at BVG.

Siesta, Melana, Adrienne, Tracy, Yvonne, and I in the chapel after the service.

Dropping Traci off at her air terminal

Meeting Traci was another blessing that God dropped into my lap! She is such a sweet siesta and I really enjoyed getting to spend special time with her. Traci: thank you for your love and kindness and thank you for your prayer for my illness on Saturday. Love you sister!

Beth, Melana, Miesta Moose, and Tracy

On the way home. Tracy and I met up with Melana (Moose Mama) and Miesta Moose. She is such a sweet gal. Really enjoyed getting to spend a little time with her in the airport.

I was so blessed to be able to travel from Houston to Dallas with Tracy and wait in the airport with her until her flight and mine departed. God is sooo sooo good to provide me with exactly what I needed because, truth be told, I was a little frightened to be in the airport by myself for the first leg of the trip home (Yvonne and I met up in Dallas).

This trip was amazing! God really spoke truths into my heart about his body, about His word and about my life. I will fill you in on what Beth taught in the next post.

How Beautiful Is The Body of Christ! Part 1

2010-01-25T18:49:00.000-08:00

Warning: Very long post!!!!

Last Wednesday evening I headed down to Fresno to prepare to leave for Houston Texas early on Thursday morning. To say that I was excited was an understatement!

Flashback one year ago and you would have found me signing up to be a part of the LPM Scripture Memory Team. It was a group of about 2,000 women who signed up to memorize scripture for the duration of 1 year. I've always known that there is tremendous benefit to memorizing scripture. I just had never prioritized it in my life. This is a confession that is hard for me to lay out there but it is the truth. I just never put forth the effort or time to commit

God's word to my memory.

That all changed over the course of 2009.

I have learned so much about God, about me, and about his Word by memorizing scripture this past year. If you read my previous post documenting my scripture verses for 2009, you know that God took me down a path that was at times hard, at times full of joy, but purposeful every step of the way. My memory work this past year highlighted the many experiences that a year can bring. It was so sweet to mark my life with my own little stones of remembrance.

So, about halfway through the scripture memory challenge, Beth encouraged us with the news that she, Amanda, and Melissa would like to invite us out to Houston, TX. to HFBC to celebrate what God had done in us over the course of the year. Come January 22-23 of 2010, we would be together celebrating our accomplishment of the year's hard work.

I was ecstatic to say the least but unsure as to how this dream trip would be possible. I just pushed the thoughts aside and focused on my memory work.

Around November of 2009, I felt more and more that I'd like to attend the celebration in Houston. I was still going somewhat strong with my verses and the thought of getting together with other siestas was encouraging. I must confess, I also was thinking that an event at HFBC, hosted by Bethie and the girls would definately be a sweet experience. I was hooked for the chance to meet my favorite bible teacher.

In November, the LPM blog published a post in which siestas planning to travel alone could hook up with other siestas from their area. I was so blessed to meet my new friend Yvonne who only lives 1 hour away from me and we shared our hearts over a cup of coffee/chai at Starbucks.

I knew right then that I HAD to go on this trip. My instant connection to Yvonne because of our bond in the Lord spokes volumes to my heart. I just knew that this trip would bless me in ways that I could not even imagine.

So, the plans were put into motion...plane ticket purchased, emails shared between my siesta sister and I planning our travel, spending money saved, and my heart prepared in my quiet time with the Lord.

The week preceeding the event was difficult to say the least. I was attacked by satan in matters of my health, and in my job. But, I pressed into the presence and sovereignty of my Lord and moved ahead.

The day finally came for me to fly out to Houston. Yvonne and I met up at 5:30 am and were in the air by 6:55 am. My conversation during the flight with my siesta sister was honey to my heart. I am awed again and again by how God provides me with sisters of the heart. Yvonne is definatly that! We talked about what the Lord is doing in our lives for the entire 3 hour flight from here to Dallas. Then we continued our conversations over the 2 hour layover that we had in Dallas. We finally arrived in Houston around 4:40 in the afternoon on Thursday. It was so nice to pick up the rental car and get on the road to our hotel.

Surviving the freeway in Houston is a conversation for another time!

We were so excited when we made it to the Omni. I personally was blown away by the beauty and elaborate decorations of our home away from home for the next 3 days! I felt utterly blessed to stay there and so spoiled by LPM!

Once there, Yvonne and I checked in and headed up to the 8th floor to check out our room. I was stunned by how beautiful it was! We both were so excited that the duvet was white! It gave us both comfort to think that they were clean :)

Because there was a water problem at the Omni that night, a recption was held for guests that night and Yvonne and I were excited to have our dinner in the hotel! I am so glad that we stayed too because we met up with our first siesta sister of the weekend! Tami was at the refreshment table when we were filling our plates and she sweetly asked "are you girls siestas?"...we told her yes, that we were and proceeded to spend a few hours with her that night getting to know one another. It was sweet time in the Lord and with each other!

Friday was special as we headed out to The Galleria....that will have to be talked about later!

Yvonne making sure that she marked every scratch, dent, or mark on the car. She was so cute being overly cautious! Better that than to have to pay later!

Our room at the Omni...yeah, that's my stuff all over the room and on the bed :)

View from the window of our 8th story abode.

Pouring water into the tank of the toilet in this undoubtedly 4 or 5 star hotel! Just didn't seem right!

That's me hanging out in the hotel.

To Cook or Not to Cook???

2010-01-16T20:41:00.000-08:00

So, we are well into the first month of the new year. I can hardly believe that the end of January is rapidly approaching. Where have the last 2 weeks disappeared to????

During the final weeks of 2009, I decided that I wanted to make some changes in my life. One of them being, to eat better and cook more for myself than to get take-out.

So....how have I been doing. Well, not so great.

I had great aspirations of making myself some great meals by now. I even lugged out the many, many cookbooks that I have (have I ever mentioned that I have a weird obsession with pictures of food?!?!). But rather than being inspired, I found myself greatly distressed to the point of slamming those books with pictures of beautifully arranged meals, shut tightly!

It was disturbing!

I was scared into total flight mode. That would be flight from the kitchen, including bowls, measuring cups and spoons, and spices of any kind!

Until tonight.......

I was trying to figure out what to have for dinner that did not have to be eaten in a bowl with a spoon and require about a 1/2 cup of soy milk (have you guessed my typical dinner???).

I, being traumatized by my overachieving goals of "cooking for myself" decided to approach tonights dinner with tiny baby steps....

so, I fixed myself a delicious "Apple, raisin, cinnamon bagel with cream cheese".

Oh, it was oh so good! And it required NO COOKING! I even think that is was a little bit good for me!

Of course, maybe not so great with the sugar filled soda that I washed it down with...but alas, it was not a bowl of cereal!!!

So, without further adeiu....here is my dinner creation for the eveing of January 16, 2010.....

Apple Raisin Spice Bagels. Yummy, yummy, yummy!!!

Where I Walked with God in 2009

2010-01-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

2009 Memory Verses

1. Psalm 27:7-8
Hear me as I pray O Lord, be merciful and answer me for my heart has heard you say “come and talk with me” and my heart responds “Lord, I am coming”.

2. Isaiah 33:6
In that day he will be your sure foundation providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. The fear of the Lord will be your treasure.

3. Joshua 1:8-9
Study this book of instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so that you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command-be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

4. 2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

5. Psalm 118:8
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.

6. Mark 12:29-30
Jesus replied: The most important commandment is this “ Listen O Israel, the Lord our God is the one and only Lord, and you must love the Lord your God with all you heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.

7. Romans 15:4-6
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us. So that through endurance and encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

8. Ephesians 4:23-24
Instead let the spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God, truly righteous and holy.

9. Malachi 3:16
Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name.

10. Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices; holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

11. Hebrews 10:35-36
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

12. Romans 6:6-7
We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. For when we died with Christ, we were set free from the power of sin.

13. 1 Peter 3:9
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you might inherit a blessing.

14. Isaiah 55:12
You will go out with joy and be led forth in peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song before you and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

15. Ephesians 1:13
And now you Gentiles have heard the truth, the good news that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago.
Ephesians 1:14
The spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.

16. Deuteronomy 33:12
Let the beloved of the Lord rest in him; for he shields him all day long and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.

17. 1 Peter 1:8
Though you have not seen him, you love him. And though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.

18. Isaiah 46:4
I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

19. Isaiah 46:9
Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me.

20. Romans 15:13
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confidant hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

21. Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what he has done from beginning to end.

22. Proverbs 7:4
Say to wisdom “you are my sister” and call understanding your intimate friend.

23. Habakkuk 3:19
The Lord God is my strength; my personal bravery, my invincible army. He makes my feet like hinds feet and will make me to walk, not to stand still in terror but to walk and make spiritual progress upon my high places of trouble, suffering, or responsibility.

24. Psalm 57:2
I cry out to God most high. To God who fulfills his purpose for me.

25. Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

27. Psalm 16:7-8
I will praise the Lord who counsels me. Even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me, because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

28. Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

29. Matthew 17:21
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain “move from here to there” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

30. Isaiah 44:22
I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me for I have redeemed you.

31. Proverbs 8:34
Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates and waiting at the posts of my door.

32. 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.

33. 2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

34. Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and to seek him in his temple.

Praising Him in 2010!

2010-01-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOGGIES!

I hope that you had a safe and wonderful New Years Eve last night.

What are your plans for today?

It is an annual event that I go up to my mom and dad's house for menudo and buenuelos that are lovingly made by my grandma and mom. 2009 was a more difficult year for family struggles but praise God, they were able to be put aside for a brief moment and members were able to celebrate together and welcome in the new year.

I pray that 2010 would be a year of peace in my home, my work, my church, my city, and my country....but most importantly, in my heart!

I am praising God today that I have a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back, and good health to carry me through.

I thank Him for his protection over me this past year in so many areas; financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

He is and always will be the ONLY reason that I continue to muddle my way through this sometimes difficult life.

He blessed me in 2009 with a fantastic church home that I adore and love being a part of!
With friends who care deeply about me and are there for me in the midst of the joy and the pain.
For a career that, at times serves as my deepest source of stress, frustration, and pain, but simultaneously provides me with so much joy, fulfillment, and challenge. It is, and will continue to be my mission field, a place where my faith is lived out in the flesh.

God has also been so very good to my family!!!

He has made himself known to some in my family and continues to draw others unto himself.

Blessed??? Yes...I've been blessed indeed!

Now for 2010.....

It is my hope and prayer that I would continue to grow deeper and deeper in my relationship with the Lord. I want so passionately to be able to share His love with those He brings into my life. I want to live out the faith that I profess....

No more being lukewarm or exhibiting unbelief.....

When others see my life, I want them to see a woman who TRUSTS her God no matter what may come....who does not CAVE under the pressure and stress of life....who LOVES without question....and who joyfullly GIVES of herself, her time, and her resources.....

Lord, today in this new day of 2010, I ask that you'd hear my words and know my heart. Please continue to guide me down the path of life that you have planned and prepared for me. This book, that is my life....let me live it in such a way that others can read it easily.

All to you Lord, all glory to you!!!!!

For Unto Us Is Born This Day.....

2009-12-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

Good Glorious Morning Blog World!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to you and your's....

I was tempted to wallow in self pity this glorious morning because of the fact that I awoke to another christmas alone...but alas, God woke me early to spend some special time with Him as the sun rose. We walked a road this morning that is sometimes hard to walk...coming face to face with the truth's about my life. For one, I am alone. While I am thankful for the fact that He NEVER leaves me or forsakes me and that He DELIGHTS in me, it can be hard to be alone at such a time as this! But today I choose to rest in the knowledge that though I may be a bit lonely this Christmas, I am NOT ALONE! Praise God!

So, how did I spend my morning???

Well.....

I had chai with soy milk (my favorite warm drink) in this cute little Christmas pot....

Then I delighted my viewing senses with this favorite Christmas movie.....

I've also been working on making something special out of this.....

although my little project is with black yarn with a touch of grey for added dimension!

Later I might go by my aunts house for dinner.

It is a blessed day... I am grateful for God's most amazing, loving, unimaginable gift.....

JESUS!

Praying that you have a wonderfully blessed day celebrating with your loved ones!

From my house to yours....

Merry Christmas!!!!

Reflections of the Season

2009-12-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

I hope that you are having a fabulous December! I have discovered that this month is passing me by even as I frantically try to reign it in....I fear that I've somehow gotten caught up in the busyness of the season. Also, this has been a very busy season at work so my focus has really been directed there.

Part of me gets dissapointed that I've not been better at guiding my thoughts and heart toward the reason for this season; Jesus, but it is not over yet, so I can reclaim it. Hallelujah for that! My Lord has been teaching me so much over the past few months....it's all about freedom and taking courage. There are so many areas in my life that I am held captive by fear and I desire deeply to be freed of it.

This is my desire and as I find myself thinking ahead to the new year...my goal.

So, what have I been doing for the last few weeks?...Well, let me just share with you!

I was so blessed to attend Women of Faith at the Arco Arena in Sacramento last weekend. It was the second time that I've been able to go this year (which I know is a blessing indeed!). Both times were very special. Definately stones of rememberance in my walk with the Lord.

Here are some pictures of WOF last weekend. It was so so great :)

Julie, Melissa, and I during the pre-conference.

Marilyn Meberg...this gal is truly a gem! We all wanted her to be our personal therapist!

Incredibly gifted and talented WOF worship team..

It's a GRAND NEW DAY!

Patsy Clairmont...bless her heart, I did not think that she'd be at WOF due to her son's recent illness.

Beautiful reminder of the sacrifice of my Lord and the beauty of what it means for me.

I've also been a bit crafty!

I decided that I'd like to learn to knit and my sweet friend Robin taught me back in the spring. I took 6 months to complete this skinny scarf!

I guess I needed a lot of practice and really it was not my highest priority. Also, it was summer soon enough and I just could not think of wearing a scarf.

But.......

Now it is surely cold enough to wear one, so I've been a knitting nut! I made this scarf with the intention of gifting it to my sister in law, but loved it so much that i kept it for myself....selfish, I don't know....but I just decided that it was the first one that I made all by myself that I really liked! The skinny one was not my favorite :)

So, now I am working on a new one and have every intention to give it as a Christmas gift.

This is not the only craft that I've ventured into....I was browsing blogs one day and came across a post by Kelly at Kelly's Korner and loved, loved, loved the cute little ornaments that she made so I decided to make my own.....

My cute little creations....

So, what have you been doing this holiday season? Are you able to keep your focus? What special things are you doing to ensure that you keep your heart and mind on track?

I pray that the Lord bless you and keep you....I pray that he makes his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you...and give you His peace!

Have a wonderfully blessed time as you anticipate the remembrance of the birth of our Savior!

Friend Making Monday: Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T09:10:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd participate in this...

1. Turkey or Ham? Turkey...yummy! My mom and dad always make it and it is best smothered in gravy with cranberry sauce.
2. Favorite side dish. My Tia Yaya's potato salad. Also love Kendra's asparagus wrapped in bacon.
3. Favorite dessert. My mini cheesecakes of course!!!!
4. Black Friday: Are you going or not? Yep...want to check out the deals with all the crazies out there!
5. If so, what's on the top of your list? Have not seen the ads yet but know that Kendra is going for the computer that is 298 at Walmart. I'd really like to try and find a deal on an SLR camera :)
6. Going out of town or staying close to home? Out of town...up to Cathey's Valley and Bear Valley to be exact.
7. Hosting or helping? Helping...no desire to ever host it.
8. Name one family tradition at Thanksgiving. My own little tradition is to have the Macy's Day Parade on the TV while I fix some awesome desserts! I run back and forth between the TV and the oven!
9. What do you do after dinner? We go for a walk behind my parents property. Usually have to walk with the cows, kids, and dogs. And dodge cousins who are more interested in being pranksters (cow pie throwing..yep)
10. What are you most thankful for this year? Most importantly, that I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior. Also my health, my family, friends, church, and job!

My New Coat

2009-11-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

Here is my new coat! It is very cute and I am so excited to have it :)

It was a steal of a deal...let me just tell you. The coat was 60% off the original price and then I was able to use a coupon for a 2 day sale and got an extra 15.00 off. So...this 200.00 coat cost me only 65.00!!

Can I just say now that I think 200.00 for a coat is WAY TOO MUCH!!!! I would never, never, never pay that much for a coat. It's note even 100% wool so I don't think that it is worth that much!

But 65.00?!....I'd say, "yes..thank you, I'll take it" :)

All righty...have a great day people...me and my coat are going to go and hope for cold weather soon so that I can wear it!

*What's the big deal with all this warm weather lately??? I don't think that I ever recall a end of November being warm enough to be out in short sleeves!

34 Things That I Am Thankful For....

2009-11-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

Today is my 34th birthday!

I can't believe that I am near my mid 30's. Where has the time gone?
I feel like it was just yesterday that I was celebrating the accomplishment of getting my license. Then it was the excitement of graduating high school and the start of college life.
College graduation came much later than I had planned for my life, but was in perfect time with God's blueprint. The start of my career came shortly after, followed by the addition of new family and nephews and a niece..and that is where I've been ever since.

There are some things that I thought I'd have as a part of my life by this birthday like a husband and children but that is not to be. I don't know why God's plan for my life has not included a husband and a child but I've come to understand that His plans are not my plans and His will is not always what my heart desires.

But no matter what, He is ALWAYS faithful and just. And He desires good for me.

This is a hard, hard, lesson.

I don't get it....I want to accept it, but that is a work in progress.

So today, on my 34th birthday, I choose to celebrate the wonderful things and ways that God has blessed my life and focus on His amazing work in me and through me.

To Him be all glory!!!!!

What I am thankful for in 34 little ways:

My blessed life in Christ
My family
Cole, Evan, Isaac, and Kensley
My incredible friends
My awesome church (Big Valley Grace in Modesto :))
My car that weekly gets me to my amazing church
My health (especially in light of expose to H1N1 recently)
My career
My co-workers who've become friends
My curly hair
Products that actually work in my curly hair!
My cats
My home
My love for all things sweet tasting :)
My freedom
My fuzzy robe
My turbie twist
My monkey slippers
Netflix!
My dentist (seriously...he is a blessing to me because I've been in need of so much work)
My students
My love of books and the resources to attain them....
My comfy bed and down blanket
My travel coffee mug...little things warm the heart in the coldness of winter.
Chai tea latte at Starbucks
Starbucks itself!
God's protection over me
My new budget (working on the thankful aspect here!...it will come in full soon!)
True unconditional love
Music that blesses my soul
Words from the mouth of a child who was never expected to speak
Resources enough to keep me fed, clothed, and sheltered each and every day
The difficult things that enter the landscape of my life...because they lead me to the arms of my Savior.
ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE...MAY I LIVE IT ABUNDANTLY!

The Parade of Coats....

2009-10-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah! I am so glad that it is now October!

The fall weather is about to begin I just know....bye bye to the warmth of summer and hello to the coolness and crispness of fall.

I just love this season, first probably because it is the season of my birth (November) and secondly, because my favorite clothing is long pants/jeans, sweaters, scarves, and jackets....oh the jackets.

I must say that I have one too many jackets! Like some women have shoes...I have jackets!!!

My current selection of jackets:

My black leather jacket is similar to this one but a little shorter. I am not totally fond of it as the leather is not the really soft kind so it does not get a lot of use. I do like to use it for more formal dressing or if I have important events at school.

Sorry for the poor quality picture...it is all that I could find on the internet (should have just taken my own photo)...this is a tan rain coat that I bought years ago at Ross or TJ Maxx (can't remember which one!)....I love this coat! It is comfy and cute. Mine is a little darker in color...more brown than khaki.

My beloved Pea Coat!!!!! Mine is actually a charcoal color rather than solid black. I actually want a black one this season. What I especially love about this coat is that it is hooded. So in the coldest part of the winter as well as the windy days of spring I use the hood quite a bit. LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!!!
*Sad fact: my beloved pea coat has a little hole in the back of the jacket...just there from excessive use...I need a new one this year but how will I find the perfect one???!!!!

This jacket is very similar to my green one. The only difference is that instead of having the hooks across the jacket they are around the waist to the back. The jacket has 5 buttons down the front. Almost exactly like this one though! I like this jacket for casual dress days...like jeans and sweater days....

Gotta get ready for church now so I'll show you my Jacket Wish List in the next post.

Happy Sunday Bloggies!!!!

More Beautiful You....

2009-09-25T06:57:00.000-07:00

Love this song...just had to share!

PS. Thank you ladies for the encouragement on my last post...you are such dears!

MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU
JOHNNY DIAZ

Little girl fourteen
flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

Me Today, God's Mercies Tomorrow....

2009-09-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

I wish that I had some great idea for a new post but I just don't....this is mostly just a means to get my thoughts out.

Life has been a bit difficult lately. Family drama, relationships, and uncertainty about my future are taxing my strength, energy, patience, and joy. My emotions fluctuate between overdrive and turned off completley. Why is it that when life gets difficult, I either cleave to God more or run away from Him??? This season that I am in is marked by a running away from the Lord. Don't get me wrong...I've not lost my faith but I've just not turned to Him in complete surrender. I keep trying to run the other direction. In any direction that will give me some sense of purpose, comfort, relief, and meaning...but in the end it is those things that cause me disappoint over and over. Surrendering completely is so hard for me to do.

What exactly does total and complete surrender look like?

For me, at this stage in the game...it is dying to myself, giving up my agenda, my plans, my desires, and submitting to the mighty hand of God.

I have fears though...fear that God's hand in my life right now will hurt in some way...Fear that due to my sin, his hand will be a hand of discipline...Lord knows that I've missed the mark oh so many times and in so many ways....I just keep falling short....

But, our God is a God of second, third, and fourth chances and I'm not unreachable. Nor is he harsh or a tyrant...He is a loving God and He does desire to see me bloom in every way that He has made me to.
I need to reach out to Him....and trust his hand. Whether it be a hand of discipline or a hand of tenderness.

Lord, help me to submit to you.... I need you.....I can't do this like this much longer...I don't want to continually fall into the pit of doing my own thing Lord, I want to bring you glory and want to die to myself. I need you in a way that I've never before...come Lord Jesus and save me from myself! I submit to you today Father...to your hand in whatever fashion that you need to touch me with...I fear discipline but I choose tonight to trust you, even in discipline. Help me to understand how you love me through your discipline...remind me that your desire is not to bring me pain...you have no malicious intent, only love!

Disturb me Lord

2009-09-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

~Sir Francis Drake

Undressing the Dragon: Lessons from Narnia

2009-09-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

This passage from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Chronicles of Narnia) was used to teach at church Tuesday night. It hit me so hard and I've been contemplating it all week. Now that the weekend is here I have time to fully reflect on what I learned, document it for future reference, and share it with you all.
The back story leading up to this passage is that this boy, Eustace, is changed into a dragon and has a ring around his ankle that is hurting him terribly. He sees a pool of water and seeks relief there. So this is where the story picks up:

"So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden-trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it was a well. I knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it: but it was a lot bigger than most wells-like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not."
"I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snakey sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that is what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and the scales started coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe."
"But just as I was going to put my foot into the water I looked down and saw that it was all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as it had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means that I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe."
"Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, however many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew that it had been no good."
"Then the lion said-but I don't know if it spoke-You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay down flat on my back and let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off; it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know-if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place it hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."
"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.
"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off-just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt-and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as soft and smooth as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me-I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on-and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phony if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them. After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me-"
"Dressed you. With his paws?"
"Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes-the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. And then suddenly I was back here. "
(The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, C.S. Lewis. Pg 88-91)

I just love how in this passage Eustace learns that he must undress the ugliness of his top layers in order to feel true relief and freedom from the dragon in his life. But as we all know, our efforts and attempts to peel off the ugly only results in more ugliness found underneath. It is only when Eustace allows the lion (The Lion of Judah) to undress him completely and with a measure of pain that he is fully free from the ugliness of what is keeping him from being free of the dragon. I like how C.S. Lewis wrote that the only way Eustace could bear the pain of Aslan removing the skin was the pleasure of feeling the stuff peeled away. Praise you Father that there is pleasure when the layers of the onion, or in this case the skin of the dragon, are peeled away! Help me to endure the pain that accompanies the pulling away of the ugly and painful things! Bless me with the pleasure of it being gone once and for all!

Dollar Deal!

2009-08-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies!

Hope that you are having a fabulous Saturday. I am enjoying playing around on the computer, updating the blog (do you like my new look??...fun!), checking emails, reading posts on facebook, and whatnot! I am supposed to be cleaning my house but luckily, it is not too bad this week. I tried to keep up on it during the week and must say that I did a pretty good job. The kitchen is cleaned, all clean clothes from last weeks laundry are on the bed in the guest room ready to be put away (that is the part that I despise the most...I'll wash and wash for days...I'll even iron first! I just really don't like putting the clothes away!!!!), and the carpets will soon get a vacuuming but other than that....it's all good!

So, I have to share this next little bit of information with you....it was quite fun!

Yesterday afternoon while shopping in Marshall's for a lingerie/bridal shower gift for Nicole I came across these pants..

Can you guess how much they cost me???!!!! You'll never believe me....they were only $1.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How is that possible???? I personally think that they were marked wrong. They are cute...no holes...not a mark anywhere! And only a dollar! They are like 5 inches too long...but what else is new?!?!....I have a small pile of pants that I need to get into the seamstress that will be perfect for this fall/winter (if they fit still....aughhhh, I gained a bit of weight during my relaxing summer...think I relaxed a bit too much!). I was so excited....just had to share my joy with you!

Here is another picture of the pants....

I like the buttons down both sides. Reminds me of a pair of pants my grandma had in the 40's or 50's....Actually, I think that I have a picture of her in them :) Need to pull it out today and compare.

Just had to prove to you that they really were only a dollar! SEE!

Snippets of Summer (warning: lots of pictures!)

2009-08-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

This is what she does all day!!!!

Tiare's first dance recital! She is such a doll! It was so funny/sweet/cute to watch her get so confused but not worrying one iota about it!

Marissa giving a little love to Daisy...I want this dog!

My kitty Zoe...fur baby #1

My kitty Sadie...my fur baby #2

Lazy summer days involved a certain precious 3 year old, chalk, and little bare feet!

Ladies from BVG at Living Proof Live in Stockton.

My new friend, Jen. We met at LPL in Stockton...total God Story! Will share with you all later.

Summer night out with the girls...Jenny Lynn, Wendi, Julie, JoFawna, Melisa, Me, and Misty.

Pray for Wendi...she is fighting cancer right now...thank you sweet friends :)

One thing that I loved about this summer was my many photographing opportunities...this one was captured at Kathya's house during her pool party. It will go into my God's Delight Book for sure!...what is it with me, flowers, and little critters???

Summer party at Kathya's house....here I am with my friend/coworker/sister in christ, Lynn.

Coley bean all wrapped up in his lion towel....we made great progress this summer on his bathtub behavior! This kid freaks out when water is poured over his head so I turned it into a game giving him all control (so he thought!) and told him to put his "water hat" on...worked every time!

My first flower given to me by Cole....he squeezed my heart in a such a tender way...a way only a 3 year old little boy can! I love him so much!!! My heart swells from it.....

Robin and I at the San Francisco Walk for Aids....we were a part of the group that went from Big Valley....amazing experience that I will continue to participate in.

Waiting patiently to get out of San Francisco....might as well take a photo!!

Marissa showed her lamb (#63) at the Merced Fair....made me feel old because I spent year after year living at the fairgrounds each summer from the time I was 13 until I was 19....now it is her turn....precious piece of information....Marissa used my FFA jacket from 1990....still good as ever and has not changed in style!

This is how I spent my leisure summer mornings....in the Word with my Esther study! I like to study from multiple versions. I have a parallel bible but wanted these versions.

My concert buddy!!!! Miss Julie and I...one of these days, we'll need to count up how many concerts we've been to over the course of our friendship!

Long Black Train man....you know you can just hear that deep tenor voice!

Josh Turner at the Stan. Fair....he is sweet on the eyes...he's a happily married man though (I was sad to find out!).

Stanislaus County Fair....memories of high school...I refused to ride it though because you just cannot trust those carnies like you could in high school. That in addition to the idea of my body flipping numerous times through the air....just not appealing or enticing anymore!!! Settled for a picture of the favorite ride instead :)

Trip to Carmel....much needed quiet time...gorgeous....grateful for the sweet time with the Lord.

End of the summer bible study potluck...what should I make?? How about Hamantashen...yummy!

The completed work....what is supposed to be a triangular shape turned into flowers??!!

What's On My Mind....

2009-08-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hi friends...It has been a bit of while since my last post...much on my mind and some heavy burdens on my heart but God is faithful and true. I am soooo glad that I have Him to depend on because, as we all know, there is NOTHING nor ANYONE in this world that we can depend on like Him. I wanted to share this little excerpt that I wrote in an email to a good friend. It is reflective of what is on my mind these days and where I am in my walk with the Lord right now.
Also...I want to remember my words becasue, as we all know, there will come a day where I am lamenting my lot in life and whining and crying about some miniscule thing. I don't want to forget the wisdom and insight that God has blessed my with today...I need this in writing, in a place where I can easily read it again (as many of us agree...our blogs are much for our own benefit...a place to clear our minds, to document our lives, and to share our faith). I need to remember this.....

I am feeling God pull me toward full healing...also, I am tired of living under the yoke of my pain/shame/guilt/fears....so am finally taking Jesus's yoke upon me and discovering that it is easy and light. When I trade in his yoke for my own time and time again...I get burdened and heavy ladden so have to remind myself that I don't need to do that. That yoke is not meant for me to bear. It is meant for Him to bear....something Colleen said at the retreat and since in our sessions, is that God carried that yoke for me when he went to the cross. He carried the shame, the guilt, the fear, the burden itself...I do not need to live in bondage to my worst fear...He took care of it. I've accepted his gift of salvation for my sin...now I need to accept his gift of freedom for my mind and in my life.

Yes...Lord Jesus....I choose today to accept your gift of freedom and your offer of healing. Come Lord Jesus into my mind and not just my heart...pour out your healing waters over my mind. You know how I struggle with it. Forgive me Lord...heal me. I trust you...I believe, help me to overcome my unbelief!

What is God speaking into your life right now? What truths is He burning into your heart? Please do share...I love hearing how God speaks to his children!
The body of Christ is a beautiful thing....so glad to be a part of it!

You're Not Shaken

2009-08-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

So, some of the blogs recently have had posts related to songs that inspire us, encourage us, or simply reflect where we are spiritually. I have not really been too into doing this as I love all music but have not had any one song that really stands out to me....UNTIL...this song.

Phil Stacey - You're Not Shaken
From the album Into The Light

I am sinking in a river that is raging
I am drowning, will I ever rise to breathe again
I want to know why I just want to understand
Will I ever know why
How could this be from Your hand

When every little thing that I have dreamed would be
Just slips away like water through my hand
And when it seems the walls of my belief are crashing down
Like they're all made of sand
I won't let go of You now, because I know You're not shaken

I'm trembling in the darkness of my own fear
All the questions with no answers still grip me while I'm here
And I may never know why I may not understand
But I will lift up my eyes And trust this is Your plan
When I am in the valley of the shadow of death
You're not shaken, You're not shaken
You're right here beside me
and You have never left
You're not shaken, You're not shaken

Label: Reunion Records

I am not going through anything that I would deem "the valley of the shadow of death" but definately am in the process of major life change (no...I'm not going through THE CHANGE!) and have been dealing with broken or unfulfilled dreams. The words that are like balm to my soul are these: "I won't let go of you now, because I know you're not shaken".

God is not shaken even when I am trembling in my boots. He is not shaken when I am unfaithful. He is not shaken when I am uncertain.

He is forever strong...forever faithful....forever and eternally there! Praise Him that he is not shaken even when I am.

I can trust this today! Lord you are not shaken....you are faithful....you are omnipotent....you are omnipresent....you are God of the universe!

Thank you for this reminder through song Lord....Help me to trust you today because you are not shaken!

What I've Been Doing....

2009-07-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well....It has been nearly two weeks since I last posted and I must say that I've got nothing people! Now that I can not post pics of my niece and nephew...blogging is just not as fun. I guess that I could still write about what fun things they do when they are here but I just cannot put the pics up :(....so sad....
So what have I been doing for the last 2 weeks? Pretty much NOTHING! I have diligently worked on my Esther study (summer bible study for Big Valley Grace) and have watched my niece K and nephew C a few times. I have to say that my little niece does not seem to enjoy being at Aunt Bethany's house....she just cries and cries and cries...so much so that today I had to call her parents to come and pick her up. I don't get it....she is so clingy. You who are parents, can you relate to this? K is 11 months old (on the 4th) and seems to be in a very clingy stage. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that my SIL had some trouble with post partum depression a few months back and was away from the kids for a week or so. Think that maybe that could have affected my niece in a detrimental way. Sad for me to think that no one is immune to pain in this life not even a 11 month old baby. But thank the good Lord that He is in control and that He knows all and works all things out for the good of those who love him. And my SIL does love him very much.
School starts back up in 3 weeks and I am so NOT ready! Where did the summer go??!! It was not this short when I was a kid! I hope that my students will quickly fall back into the swing of things and that this year will go more smoothly than the last. I am sad that I will be losing my right hand girl Nicole....she is getting married in October and will be moving to North Carolina so is definately consumed with all things wedding right now. It made no sense for her to come back to work for a few weeks only to take the month of September off anyway. So...your prayers for my group are welcomed! I know that I am starting with 9 kiddos for sure (they are preschool age autism). That is a rather high number to start the year off with and I know that I have at least 3 who are going to be very challenging. I want to get off to a good start though so am brainstorming ways to work all things out. How can I best serve the children and their families yet still maintain boundaries with my personal life. This was a big problem for me last year as I found myself giving WAY MORE than I should have to my job. I want to be balanced in my life and I know that when I give anything more time, effort, devotion, and commitment, than I give to the Lord, I will suffer. Don't want a repeat!
Let's see, what else have I been doing??....I attended the walk for AIDS in San Francisco last weekend. My church's missions ministry goes each year to minister and lend support to those impacted by this awful disease. It was an amazing experience! Wonderful fellowship with new friends from church and just amazing to see how many people are affected or feel need to be in support of such a cause! Of course, because we were in SF...I did get to see some, shall we call them,... characters??!!!!! I'll spare you the details but I bet you your wildest imaginations is what I saw!!! Only in San Francisco...and I love being a California girl so I would not trade it for the world! Total different ball game being a Christian in liberal California :) (beth moore even mentioned that at her event in San Jose a month ago!)
That's pretty much all that I've been up to lately! I have some pics that I will post soon but for now...gotta head to bed!
Nighty Night all!

Women of Faith 2009

2009-07-13T11:03:00.001-07:00

Wow...2 women's events in a row! This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the Women of Faith conference in San Jose, Ca. with some of the ladies from Big Valley. This was the 3rd WOF conference that I've been to and I loved it as always! I just love hearing the ladies share about their lives in absolute openness and from their heart. My favorite this year was Marilyn Meberg and Lisa Whelchel. Interestingly enough...I did not get a photo of either of these ladies!

Nicole C. Mullen with one of her guys doing her thing! This girl is so amazing with her talent in singing and dancing but her love for the Lord is just contagious! I've loved seeing her the last few times.

All the girls dancing with her. The one performance that I loved was The Hem of His Robe (think that is what the song is called!). She performed it with this group of girls and it just touched my soul. If you've ever seen her perfom it you know what I am talking about!

Anita Renfroe...the new Grandma! She was so excited to share that she became a grandma last week and showed pics of her new little guy! So very cute. I love Anita's humor and ability to bring many laughs to tired women!

Patsy Clairmont shared a story with us about her experience on her new red scooter, affectionally nicknamed Firefly (although it was definatly not small and cute but big and intimidating!). I love how Patsy shares stories...so much sweetness and silliness. It was extra special this year because she shared her heart pain of losing her sweet friend of 50 years, Carol, to cancer. My heart broke for Patsy's loss and I found the tears flowing freely.

Natalie Grant with her husband on the keyboard. I love Natalie's music so it was a great treat to hear her. She overflows with passion for the Lord and I can see why she is such a hit with the teen girls at the Revolve Tour. She had her little girls, Bella and Grace at the event. They are oh...so cute!

Our Women's Director, Connie Grover, her daughter in law Amber and Amber's mom (can't remember her name). I had a great time getting to know some of the ladies from Big Valley like Connie and Amber. I look forward to spending more time in fellowship with them!

Sonna, Me, and Gail. I had the great opportunity to room with Sonna and Colleen for the event and it was so much fun getting to talk with them and get to know them better. Gail is a sweet lady too. I was delighted to find out that she works in Special Education too! Intereresting how God places people in my circle who I can completely connect with!

My BVG sisters: Gail, Colleen, Sonna, Connie, and Me!

The weekend was marked by wonderful new memories and sweet fellowship!

Thank you Lord for how you bless me in sweet meaningful ways!

LPL Stockton

2009-06-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

This past Friday and Saturday I had the awesome privilige to attend the Living Proof Live event at the Stockton Arena to hear first hand my favorite bible teacher, Beth Moore.

The conference was amazing! The fellowship with my sisters in Christ was also sweet to my soul.

Here I am with my roomies Kay and Julie. We were quite blessed to get a room close to the event center however, we got absolutely no sleep Friday night! (partly due to the smokey conditions of the smoking room and the inability to stop talking!). It was a comfort when Beth shared Saturday morning that she did not sleep either...

Loved the yellow jacket that Beth wore on Friday night...she is always attentive to important things like hair and clothes! But never more than making sure that people get a fresh revelation from God!

A precious long time friend and some new friends....Julie, Sue, Robin, and Tracy

As Julie and I chatted over the weekend, we figured out that we've shared a close friendship for the last 11 years...I thank God for her! She has blessed my life in so many ways.

Part of our group shot...me, Julie, Cheryl, don't know this sisters name, Sue, Robin, and Tracy.

The theme was "From Bridezilla to Bride: A 7-Step Makeover".
Beth taught from Revelation 19 about the wedding feast of the Lamb. I love her teaching regardless of what she chooses to teach but this lesson impacted me so deeply. It was very personal and God spoke tenderly to my heart through Beth's messages.
Here are the 7 points on how to go from Bridezilla to Bride

Have a Fresh Fear of God: Rev. 19:4 talks about the 24 elders and 4 living creatures that are praising God. We are taught to reverence God in such a way that we retain the mystery of revelation. One thing that Beth said was that God is not just into property but into people.
The Thrill of Gathering: Rev. 19:1, 4, 5, 6 listed all those in attendance at the wedding feast of the Lamb. All in attendance are focused on worshipping the Lord. One interesting thing that I learned was that the redeemed are louder than the angels in the worsip and shouts. Another main point that Beth stressed on was the importance of diversity in the body. We were challenged not to get hung up on the non-essentials but rather, to embrace diversity and to guard against narcicism.
The Glee of Brideship: Rev. 19: 7 Let us rejoice and be glad. This phrase is only used 2 times in the scriptures. The other occurrence is in Matthew 5:12. It is a salutation that simply means "happy". The word glad denotes excessive joy, dancing, leaping. So rejoice and be glad is joyfully greeting the body of Christ in happiness. Moreso, it is being this way with the Lord. Major truth that Beth shared that I want to remember: THIS TURNS OUT WELL!
Recapture the Hope of Romance: Psalm 45:11 says "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Other scriptures used that solidified this point were Ecclesiastes 3:11-eternity is set in the hearts of men, Hosea 2:14-20-bethrothal to God forever, Ephesians 5:31-32-it is a mystery, 2 Cor. 4-outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. Main point: THIS IS OUR FUTURE, IT IS NOT A FAIRYTALE!
The Priority of Purity: 2 Cor. 6:17 says that he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 1 John 1:9 says that our confession of our sins will result in His forgiveness and the restoration of our purity. Beth encourages us to BELIEVE GOD ABOUT YOURSELF. And that instead of trying to regain innocence, go for integrity instead. Trust that Jesus Christ can change your habits! Remember we are pure in Him.
The Anticipation of Arrival: Matthew 3:16-17. Heaven was opened at Jesus's baptism and he saw the Spirit of God. No human has seen visible manifestation of the Lord and lived. Rev. 19:11 shows us that we will see. It says that the writer of the revelation saw heaven opened and a rider on a white horse called Faithful and True (Jesus).
The Power of His Name: Rev. 19:11-16-Faithful and True. He will act in justice for those who love him. Eyes like fire (burning into you like they can look into your very soul...he can). Many crowns on his head signified his power over all. Kings back in time were pictured with as many crowns on their head as empires they ruled. Our King of Kings is the head of all! He also has a name that no one knows. This is so wonderful because there is a name that he will be known by that no one can slander. Rev. 2:17 says that we also have a name that we do not know and is not associated with any of our sinful state. The Word of God (logos: pronounced lawgaus), He will overcome all evil simply by speaking. Powerful! The final name is KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. Full representation of our adoration of him. Beth made a final point that while appreciation is biblical, adoration is for God alone.

Bethie teaching....amazing how much energy, enthusiasm, and excitement wells up in this TINY woman! It was an amazing weekend! I will be forever impacted and changed.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that it was an utter shock to hear this afternoon, via text from my 14 year old cousin and later confirmed by every news station known to man, that Michael Jackson died this afternoon from an aparent heart attack in his home in LA.
I loved Michael Jackson's music from the time I was a little girl. I remember clearly one Christmas, (I think that I was around 10 years old), I got a book full of pictures of Michael Jackson. I loved it to say the least! I had cassette tapes and records of Michael's music. My favorites were Bad, Billie Jean, and Thriller. You guys remember those songs??!!
As I got older my love for music by Michael Jackson diminished but never went completely away. I tended to follow him and his music less and less as the years went on. Especially after I became a Christian and started listening to Christian music more than rock or country. But I paid attention to the news stories that he was always a part of. His marriage to Lisa Marie Presley shocked me, then that picture of him holding his baby over the ledge freaked me out as well as the rest of the world. The allegations and publicity about his supposed scandalous behavior at his Never Land Ranch broke my heart. I actually felt sorry for him during that time.
I don't know...having celebrity status sometimes appears to be so wonderful....we all think of the money, the fame, the attention but in the end...it does nothing to stop the fact that we all have an appointment with facing our own mortality. Today Michael breathed his last here on Earth...I can only hope that at some point in his life he responded to the Lord's call and love for him and is in Eternity this very minute.
My prayers go out for his family at this time.

Strawberry Delight and God's Delights

2009-06-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

This is so yummy! I had to share with you...this recipe is from my friend Julie (who got it from one of the ladies in her bible study). Thanks Julie!

All it is is 1 container of marshmallow cream whipped together with 1 block of lowfat cream cheese (got to go with the lowfat because you can really eat way to many of them!...my tummy kind of hurts now..have not been able to get off the cream cheese even though I am slightly lactose intolerant!)

This is a little yard decoration that is in my back yard. Very good reminder for me that we do not walk by sight...but by faith! Lord, help me to remember.

My newest pics to go into my God's Delight book...I absolutely LOVE getting these types of photos. It helps change my mood when need be...

This pretty flower is my Hydrangea...it makes me think of my mom because it is called an Hortencia in Portuguese and Spanish (I think)...that's her name :)

These next 2 are already in my little book but I was playing around with my Memory Manager 3 program and figured out that I could add and delete color! That program is so much fun!

Muffins, Snails, and Dirty Little Feet

2009-06-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

Okay...so I have not been around for a few days! I have been reading all of your blogs as I am lazying around the house enjoying my first week home on summer vacation! This is one of the BEST perks of being a teacher!

What follows is a photo story of what I have done over the last 24 hours....My nephew, now to be referred to as Bean in order to protect his anonymity, spent the night with me last night and we had so much fun! I love having him over because life is just different through the eyes of a 3 year old!

So the first pic is what we did this morning...that would be making banana chocolate muffins! (I will post the recipe at the end of this post...it is SO EASY!). They are soooo yummy! But of course Bean is a little bit picky with his eating habits so Aunt Bethi had to eat them by herself!

Here Bean is pointing out which muffin he wants to eat....Did he eat it? Of course not! Thank you God that he LIKES his gummy vitamins....the way that child eats, he needs them! (Course...banana chocolate muffins are not the healthiest choice for breakfast either but I'm the aunt not the mommy!)

Last night Bean was checking out a leaky spot by my water faucet...it is hard to see but there is a snail that he was playing with in the water....he was fascinated by it but funny enough, he also was a bit afraid. I tried to get him to touch it but he kept saying "no...it bite me". I tried to tell him that snails don't have teeth (as far as I know....I've never been bitten by one) but he would have nothing to do with the whole thing! At one point he did say that he wanted to kill it! I said "no, the snail is one of God's creatures!". It was so cute!

And this my friends...is a photo of the ridiculously dirty feet of my little string Bean! I got him these new flip flops and a pair of cool sunglasses to match at the Disney Store....(great buy: 2.99 for the flip flops and 3.99 for the glasses!) He lived in these flip flops the entire 24 hours (somehow he came to me with 3 pairs of flip flops for only a 24 hour visit!) and would not take them off! I had a pair of brown ones that matched better with his outfit today and I TRIED to convince him to wear those but he INSISTED on wearing the "owenge" ones!

Another highlight of the little visit is that Bean stayed dry the entire 24 hours that he was with me! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!! He is trying to get potty trained so that he can go to preschool and is doing pretty good (except for thinking that poop is supposed to happen on his back patio). I only had to wash poop out of his superman underwear 1 time last night (and hose him off in the front yard...what a sight!) but then he stayed dry and poop free!

Okay ladies...I hope that you have a wonderful weekend!

Praying for you and asking the Lord to work mightily in your lives!

Here's the recipe for the banana muffins :)

One Pan Banana Bread (Courtesy of my friend Robin)

1/3 cup vegetable oil (I use olive oil and it works out fine)

3 large mashed bananas

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

3/4 cup egg beaters (or 3 eggs)

2 1/3 cup bisquick

1 cup sugar

1/2 bag semisweet chocolate chips

Heat oven to 350*. Grease loaf pan or muffin pan. Stir all ingredients until well blended. Bake 55-65 minutes for loaf. Bake 25-30 minutes for muffins. Remove and let sit for 5 minutes. Remove from pans and cool on baking racks. Enjoy warm!

Last Weekend in Pics

2009-06-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

Pics of my family...brother Marc, me, Grandma C., Lorie, and Ashley

The Cortez sisters and brother: Irma, Mary, Jr., Hortencia, and Olivia

Cole took this picture of me and my Grandma C. Not bad for a 3 year old!

Kendra made this BEAUTIFUL and yummy fruit basket...isn't it lovely?! I told her that she shoud take orders and sell them!

The following pics are just fun things that I shot while waiting for my family to return from the cemetery....

My moms wine barrel water fountain...I love this thing, it is so peaceful to sit near it and hear the water running. Funny thing, my nephew Cole was washing his face out of it on Sunday!

My parents place is full of old, large oak trees. Here is one that I was awed by because of its enormous size....this pic will definately get into my God's Delight book.

I'm constantly on the lookout for cool little creatures or beautiful flowers to document the delight that God brings me in His creation. I had been thinking this particular morning that it would be so great if I could get a pic of a lizard but wasn't sure if I'd see one. In God's amazing timing, and because of His great love...He caused one to crawl right in front of me....so amazing!

This pic was one that I took Sunday morning....had some trouble sleeping so got up to see the sunrise....

Pretty flowers....God never fails to delight me in the beauty of his flowers!

One Year Ago Today.....

2009-05-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

One year ago today my Tio Juan went to be with the Lord. It has been a very difficult year for my family as the loss of my uncle was very sudden. Today we gathered at my mom and dad's house for a potluck/bbq in honor of my uncle.

My Tio Juan age: 6

This is the Tio Juan that I remember....always smiling and saying "Mija, here's some money, go buy yourself a hamburger". The last time I saw him, he did just this. We were in Walgreen's both shopping for cold medicine...he bought mine and gave me the extra 20.00 for hamburgers for Marissa and I. This man along with my Tio Jr. was one of the most giving people I've ever known.

In honor of my Tio Juan's memory, my family decided to plant a tree. Here is my Tio Jr, Jesse, and my brother Marc preparing the hole for the tree.

Tio Jr. filling the area with dirt....it was a bittersweet event to witness.

Thank you Lord for my family...thank you that your hand of peace was upon our hearts today. You are the only one who will continually get us through each day. Please continue to provide my family with your peace as we learn to adjust to life without a very vital member of our family.

I love you Lord and I trust you to bring us to the other side of our grief.

They Bring Me Delight.....

2009-05-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday Morning!

I hope that you are having a wonderful day whatever you might be doing. Today I am going to work in the backyard pulling weeds and getting my ugly dried out grass green again....just have not had the time to work out there and with the recent warm weather, it has dried out a bit. Then later this afternoon I'll head over to Modesto to check out a vendor fair that my friend Robin is going to be at. I am interested in the Cookie Lee jewelry because I want a new cross necklace! Yeah....that will be fun! That's about all for me.....and you?

Ok...so how many of you have these little delightful angels? I LOVE them and take great delight in collecting them. It is rather comical that I've begun to collect them as I am NOT one to collect things. Oh, I had my share of collections as I've grown up (buttons as a child, all things holstien cow in high school) but never was really into it. Well, now here I am an adult and I'm collecting things again! Go figure.....

So to start of the collection....the gal on the left is rememberance and the gal on the right is the thank you girl. I think that they are both cute and I am not at all ashamed to say that I found these two at Goodwill! They actually are quite appropriate because I found them last year after my uncle died and so rememberance reiminds me of him and thank you is just a cute one! You cannot see it but she is holding a bunch of flowers behind her back...very cute and reminds me of when I was a little girl and used to take flowers to my mom or my teacher.

This next angel is the very first one that I received. It is an ornament and I received it from my Tia Eva for Christmas around 4 years ago. I love how she is holding her hands and is ready to clap for joy!

This one I also received from my Tia. She is called "From the Heart". I just think that she is really cute! I am getting my friend Julie started on her own angel collection and gave her this one.

This one is precious to me. I bought this one for myself in an after Christmas sale at Berean Christian Stores. The reason I bought it is that it reminded me of the relationship between Cole and I. I had held him in the early morning hours (woke up crying) just like this the day that I bought it...sweet memory!

I also bought this one for myself....reminder to take everything to the Lord in prayer and to not work ANYTHING in my own strength! It is so very helpful to see this little prayer angel on my counter every morning.

This angel is special to me. It is called "Guardian" and it was given to me by none other than my Tia Eva (thanks Tia!) on the day of my nephew/godson Isaac's baptism. So, this is me and Isaac....very special!

These last 2 pics are my newest to add to my God's Delights book....I love seeing the hand of the Lord in creation. He is so very creative and delights in uniqueness. I must remember this when I feel less than unique and rather commonplace. I am not...I am fearfully and wonderfully made and his purposes for me will be fulfilled! HALLELUJIAH!

Pictures

2009-05-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well hello there blog friends....

Just wanted to let you know that I will no longer be posting pics of my cute little niece and nephews. My sister-in-law is concerned about her kids being able to be viewed on the internet so I need to abide by her wishes that her kids pics not be posted anymore.....so sad, but they are not my children so I won't be able to share anymore :(
I hope that you will continue to read and I'll still post pics of me and friends!

Finished Women's Retreat Notes

2009-05-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

Just letting you know that I finally posted the last 2 sessions to our Rest retreat. Because I saved the draft and worked off of it...the post is in the place it would be had I finished it the day I started it. So, if you are interested in reading it is called Rest: Sessions 3 and 4 (or something like that....already forgot what I titled it!).

Have a great Saturday!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T07:42:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother's Day Bloggy Sisters!

My prayer for you today is that you would know the love of the Lord in an intimate and special way! And that you would be honored and celebrated in your most important role as mom!

Rest Sessions 3 and 4

2009-05-09T12:55:00.001-07:00

Well, it has been a busy few weeks and I've not had the chance to get on here and put up the last 2 sessions of the retreat. So without delay...here they are.

Session 3: "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29

Jesus is offering us his yoke. This is something we cannot refuse!

What is a yoke?

A yoke is a heavy wooden collar fitted to the neck and shoulders of an animal. It was used to control the animal so that the owner could use the animal to complete his work. It guided and kept the animal under control. In Jesus' time, the term "yoke" was commonly used in terms of one being subjected under the control of another. It was not a pleasant thing but term of oppression. According to Websters Dictionary, a yoke is "a frame fitted to a person's shoulder's to carry a load in two equal portions." According to Vines Dictionary of the Bible, the term "yoke" was used metaphorically of submission to authority, of Christ's yoke; not simply imparted by Him but shared with Him.

In Leviticus 23 the term "yoke" was used for discipleship. It was considered "coming under the rabbi's yoke". This simply meant to be a student or disciple of the rabbi.

So, what is the soulution? * Have the right yoke!

Too often we create our own standards and create our own inner yokes. This is NEVER going to work! When He offers his yoke to us, we HAVE to take it! He will never force it on us but we must decide that in every situation that we will take His yoke.

The first step toward change is to understand why we don't take Jesus' yoke.

We don't truly surrender to God

The word surrender means to be willing to do what Jesus wants you to do even if you don't know what it is. Jesus modeled this behavior and so did Abraham. Some questions to ask ourselves are "How willing am I to surrender my schedule?", "How willing am I to surrender that which I love?", "How willing am I to surrender that which I desire?".

We struggle with the other options out there

We look for fulfillment in the options either placed before us or those we actively seek instead of looking to God for complete fulfillment. When we engage in this behavior, we are slipping in and out of Jesus's yoke and are not fully committed to him. We can even get caught up in looking too intently to creation and miss the great things and blessing of our Creator! The lesson here is this: "Don't get consumed by the looking that you miss the listening".

The blessings or benefits of taking on the yoke of Jesus:

We get to learn from Jesus

To learn is to receive instruction, to find out, to understand. This ability to understand is a continual process.

John 16:13-16: "When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

Isaiah 48:17: "This is what the LORD says-your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow."

Therefore, we come to the conclussion that a yoke which ties us to the heart of the Father is a blessing because it keeps us connected to our lifeline, Christ himself.

We get to experience a gentle and humble master

Our master steers us and pulls us back when we need to rest. He knows the terrain that we cover and is mindful of what we need at each point of the journey. He will never lead us down a path that is going to hurt us. His heart is ALWAYS for our good! We can rest in the fact that our master is GENTLE and HUMBLE!

We receive rest for our souls

First question, "What is our soul? "

According to Dallas Willard, "Our soul is the ultimate inner depth of our being. It is the inner stream that gives us strength, direction and harmony to every other element in our life."

The word soul means "breath". It is related to when God breathed the breath of life into Adam and caused his heart to start beating in a life sustaining rhythm.

*God's breath starts everything in rhythm before life starts. This rhythm keeps me in beat with my Creator. Our souls are rooted in the vastness of God.

Our souls respond when we are disconnected from God. Damages souls: Matthew 10:28, Psalm 42:5. Broken souls: all of 1Peter. Restored souls: Psalm 23:1-2, Psalm 19.

The lesson learned is that God gives place to pause...stop and get reconnected! He is your life sustainer!

Session 4: "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" Matthew 11:30

As we go through life, we pick up burdens that we think we can carry. We end up going halfway with them, realize that we cannot handle the load and we give up because we cannot finish.

When we take Jesus' yoke, he disciples us so that we can carry our difficult and heavy burdens.

Matthew 22:35-40: This passage covers the question of what is the most important commandment. Jesus replies by saying that the most important is to love the Lord your God will all your heart, soul, and mind. And that a second is equally important; which is to love your neighbor as yourself. This is a heavy burden. When we are called to love our neighbors, that includes people that we may not feel loving toward. But Jesus instructs us that it is as important as loving God.

Matthew 16:24-25: Jesus tells the disciples here that in order to follow Him, they must take up their cross daily and follow Him. This too is a heavy burden. Crosses are heavy and symbolize an unpleasant task; they are symbolic of death. What thing or things has God called me to carry that are a "death" of some sort? How can I take up these burdens? REALIZE THAT THE YOKE THAT I TAKE IS A DIFFERENT YOKE AND THAT MY RABBI IS A DIFFERENT RABBI!

Another word on yokes, an animal was fitted to his yoke so that the yoke fit perfectly so as not to chaff the animal. When we take on Jesus's yoke, it fits us perfectly. He knows the perfect and best way to teach us and it is going to be just right. It will not bruise us or chaff us.

Matthew 11:25-26, Zephaniah 3:17: The Lord loves us as his children and reveals wise things to us. We are a delight to Him, so much so that He rejoices over us with singing! He takes great pleasure in us.....think on it for a while!

So, what do we do now?

John 1:12: But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.

We need only to receive him. This is how we become his children. He takes great pleasure in the unwise and ill-equiped. He requires only a willing heart. He can use a broken and hurt person, he wants to lift our burdens from us.

Some passages that offer comfort and support:

Matthew 11:27: Jesus knows the Father!

John 17:8: The words that Jesus shares come straight from the Father!

Psalm 56:8: The Lord knows every tear we shed and collects them in his bottle

Psalm 147:3: The Lord binds up the brokenhearted

Our yoke is under Christ (in submission to him) and with him (he has given us a counselor).

Reminders: The Holy Spirit is right by us, with us, getting dirty with us. He goes ahead and prepares the ground, walks with us through the burden, and goes behind us and picks up all the pieces that have fallen.

Final thoughts: He has gone before me and will go after me for my lifetime! PRAISE YOU FATHER!

Here are a few pics of the weekend....ENJOY!

The cross in the meeting area.....interesting note, the ropes and stuff on the cross is a yoke! (not placed by our ladies but already right in God's will for our weekend!)

Pretty trees...love capturing God's beauty in creation.

My sweet friend Robin and I...Had a bit of a dreary morning and she insisted that I stand by the yellow flowers so as to get a little happiness and sunshine in my morning!

Thanks Rob!

Gretchen on the ropes course....loved watching these brave ladies conquer their fears. Maybe next year I'll do the same. Too chicken this year!

Our little group...top to bottom: Kay, Robin, Bethany, Sue, and Petra....thank you for a wonderful weekend of bonding, crying, and laughing ladies!

Rest: Session 2

2009-05-03T20:14:00.001-07:00

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

In this verse, the word weary means "to toil" and the word burdened means "loaded up".
The people in Jesus's time and before were weary and burdened by the demands placed on them in order to keep the Sabbath holy. The Jewish leaders took the law too much to the extreme with the rules and regulations placed on the people for Sabbath keeping.

The following are examples of things that were not allowed on the Sabbath as it would be considered "work".

plucking a gray hair was considered "harvesting"
Taking a bath was not allowed because in the event that water was spilled outside of the tub and had to be mopped up, that would be considered "work"

When God instituted the Sabbath, He intended it to simply be a day of rest. It was a day in which one would cease his/her labor and enjoy what God has done in his/her life.

"Come to me": This is a personal invitation. It requires for us to leave one direction and head in another. One direction that we consistently seek after is worthiness. We have to accept the fact that we are NEVER going to know all the right stuff or how to do everything right. When we are seeking worthiness we get caught up in the "I shoulds...". I should do this, I should do that.....etc.... This mindset will spill over into our relationship with the Lord if we do not guard against it. We find ourselves wanting Jesus to see what we've done right rather than what we are guilty of doing wrong.

Why is this?

Because grace is revealing. It hurts but we must seek to be authentic with the Lord. Our vulnerability is necessary to our growth.
Because control is comfortable. We find it very hard to surrender our need to control every aspect of our lives. We feel comfort when we think we have control.
Because busyness is blinding. When we get caught in the web of busyness, we are blinded to our deeper needs. Not only are we blinded but we blind others as well.

How do we battle against this?

We give up our need to control when we give up our busyness. When we do this, we go to God in complete authenticity.

Brennan Manning writes that "we truly are paupers at the door of God's mercy". When we realize this nugget of truth, we can enter the Lord's presence and receive his grace afresh.

John 4:1-26, 39-41 (The story of the woman at the well....read it, it is good!)

This woman is living with the burden of hopeless unworthiness. We know this through her actions in this passage.

First, she comes in the heat of the day (vs.6-7). Her main reason for coming at such a time is to avoid social interaction. Little does she know that she is about to engage in the most life changing interaction of her life. Jesus initiates interaction with the woman by asking her for a drink. She canges the course of the discussion by trying to involve him in a discussion of what is customary (asking why a jewish man would be asking a samaritan woman for a drink). Jesus bypasses the customary ways of doing things because he had a plan that he was following. The woman continues to avoid a personal conversation with Jesus. From her example we see that we can get caught up in the practicalities of what needs to be done and miss what Jesus wants to do in our lives. He is there WAITING TO DO A MIRACLE but we often overanalyze it. The conversation between Jesus and the woman begins to become more personal as he confronts her with her reality. (asking her to go and get her husband). She responds with partial authenticity. She is not totally forthcoming with Christ but she is truthful (states that she does not have a husband). Jesus seizes this opportunity to engage the woman more. He waits until there is an open window of opportunity. As hurt humans, we often do not like to talk about personal issues. It is a comfort to us to know that our Lord and Savior respects our uncomfortableness and seeks to engage us despite it. With the woman, he seeks a window of opportunity to get to the level of intimacy that he needs in order to change her life. She is a tiny bit authentic with Christ and He fully discloses himself to her. This teaches us that when we are the least bit authentic with Jesus, he responds! He wants authenticity. As a result of her interaction with Christ, the woman is changed/transformed. She no longer isolates herself. As a matter of fact, she goes and shares the good news with those she initially hid herself away from.

Final thought: Jesus hangs in there with us....trust Him and step out in total authenticity. He will comfort you, protect you, refresh you , and satisfy you!

Jeremiah 31:25- "I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint."

BVG Women's Retreat: Rest Session 1

2009-05-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

Hello all you out there in Blog Land. I hope that you have had a wonderful day! The weekend is here and I am so excited that I am getting a new haircut today! I will make sure and post pics so that you can see the new do!

So...last weekend I went to Koinonia Conference Grounds for my 2nd annual Women's Retreat with BVG. The theme for the retreat was "Rest"...and ladies, may I just add that I needed rest more than anything else! It was so AMAZING! Such a great time of relaxation, rest, rejuvination, worship and fellowship with some of the sweetest sisters in the body! God spoke to me in so many wonderful ways (lots of laughter and lots of tears)....I am awed again and again how He speaks to me and helps me to understand Him and His ways.

I'd like to recap the weekend's sessions. I hope that it blesses you as much as it did me!

Theme Verse: Matthew 11:28

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your weary souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Session 1- "Come to me"

Invitations: God is extending us an invitation to come to him.

What invitations have I received in my lifetime?

marriage proposal
wedding invitations
baby shower invitations
birthday invitations
invitation to enter into relationship with my Heavenly Father

The first question to ask is "Who is inviting me?"

Colossians 1:15: "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation."

Hebrews 1:3: "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."

Jesus is everything we can see and everything we cannot see. We should not take his invitation lightly, because it is kingly!

Luke 19:1-9: This is the story of Zaccheus (read it...it's great!)

The invitation Zacch received was totally unexpected. He came to see Jesus thinking that he was only going to be an observer.
The invitation Zacch received was personal. When Jesus reached the spot where Zacch had climbed up to see him, he looked up and called our brother by name. John 10:14 "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-". This verse states that Jesus knows us personally...by name. He enters our most personal places. He wants to transform us. Jesus tells Zacch that he wants to "stay" in his house today. The meaning of the word "stay" in this passage means "to lodge, take up residence." Jesus was not just coming for a quick visit. He had serious business to work through with Zacchaeus.
The invitation that Zacch received demands a response. Zacch comes down at once and comes gladly. In verse 8 we find that Zacch was repentant. This was a heart response to Jesus extending an invitation to him. His repentant heart followed by action to remedy what he had done wrong was extreme. By law he was only supposed to return 20% more of the goods lost. If he had been guilty of theft of an animal he would have been required to return 4 or 5 times the amount of the value of the animal. We can see from the text that Zaccheaus considered his sin theft as he returned 4 times the amount that he had taken from the people.

So....the question is: How am I responding to Jesus' invitation to me?

With joy?
With repentance?
With action?

Side note on Zaccheaus: His name means "Righteous One". Before his encounter with Jesus he had been marginalized. After his encounter with the Savior, he has been restored spiritually.

Final thought: Respond to the invitation that Christ is extending to me!

John 7:37 "Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds 'Anyone who is thirsty may come to me!'.

So, girlfriends....what invitation is Jesus extending to you???? Are you thirsty? Do you need restoration?....If so, run to Jesus, he is extending an invitation to you that you cannot miss out on! He says to come to him and he will give you rest....so get your running shoes on and get going!

I'm Back!!

2009-04-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers!

It's been a while since I last said hello so here is my "hello"!
I have been so busy with school and getting ready for the wind down of the school year. IEP's, preparing for preschool graduation, planning for the summer session (that I am not teaching praise the Lord!), administering assessments, etc....Have I told you lately that I LOVE what I do?! I do, I really do but I don't always love all the details together!
So, this weekend I am going on the annual women's retreat with BVG up near Watsonville, Ca. The theme for the weekend is "Rest". How does that sound for a tired (physically and emotionally) girl? WONDERFUL! Can't wait to relax with friends and spend some undisturbed, focused, time with the Lord. It is going to be great I am positively sure!

Well, I just wanted to jump on here and say hello!
Hope that you have a blessed Thursday!

I'll post some pics of the kids soon...Staci you've got to see how BIG Kensley is getting!

I've Neglected my Blog!!!

2009-03-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

I hope that you are all doing well. I've been so bad about updating my blog lately. Life has been so very busy and I've just not had the energy to get on here and post anything new. Lot's of life has been happening so it is not that there is nothing to post...just me being lazy I guess.

So, let me update you on what is going on here in sunny and somewhat warm California.

The almond trees are blossoming all over the place! Absolutely beautiful but doing a number on my allergies. School is winding down...I am anxiously awaiting my summer vacation! This will be the first one in 7 years so I need to sit down and plan some things for me to do....don't want to be sitting around the house being bored. As my mom would say when I was a kid "If you're bored, I will find something that you can clean up so that you are not bored anymore!". I think that there will be a few trips to the beach because it is my most favorite place to be! And am also thinking of taking my nephews Evan and Cole on AMTRAK to see the trains at the train museum in Sacramento. I absolutely LOVE that idea and am going to recruit a few friends in Modesto to join me so that we can have a fun girlfriend/little boys day!

My winter bible study has concluded. It was such an amazing study that I enjoyed working on so much. I learned so much about getting into the Word and having conversations with my Lord and Savior in a way that I've never done before. You can read about the study here.
I am excited to begin a new study. We are going to do another book/study by Priscilla Shrier called Discerning the Voice of God. I have loved my bible study group at BVG! I am developing new friendships that are so warming to my heart! The body of Christ is a beautiful place to be especially when it is functioning as He intended it to!

I have a few more IEP'S to complete for my students and am going to be observed one more time....pray for me to finish this school year strong.

I am also involved with a family/friend bible study and we are working on a Women of Faith bible study called Discovering God's Will for your Life. It has been such a sweet experience to dig into the Word with my family members, old friends, and new ones too!

God is so good to me! I am blessed in SO MANY WAYS!!!

Amgen Tour of California

2009-02-18T16:11:00.000-08:00

Well hello there bloggy friends!

Today in my small hometown of Merced we welcomed the 7 time Tour De France winner and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong to ride along our streets.
The Amgen Tour of California is happening right now and today was stage 4 of the race. What an expereince to see this awesome group of cyclists ride through our little town! It was quite an amazing experience to see that many people on bikes going quite fast and their cars following rapidly behind them! It was pretty funny that Melissa (my cousin) and I had to find out from Robert (my other cousin and her brother) what Lance was wearing so that we could identify him. I am grateful that he checked it out for us and am really excited that I got to pick him out of the large group of cyclists (although he was going pretty fast so my pictures are not all that great!).
There was a nice turnout for the event and I suspect that there will be an even greater turn out in Clovis where they will run the 5th stage of the race!

Here are a few pics from the morning. Enjoy!!!

My aunt Olivia, Melissa, and Me.

There was lots of chalk grafitti....pretty cool stuff!

Here are the guys....Lance Armstrong is in the front.

They were going so fast that they kicked up dust everywhere!

Here we are on our corner...that's Allison, Tyler, Chris, Tia, and Melissa

The sign promoting the event and a nice picture of 18th street!

Two cyclists (I need to find out who they are) warming up for the race.

Sign welcoming us to the Amgen Tour...

Who would have thought that Merced would be called Bike City USA?!

Thank you Mr. President!

2009-02-16T12:20:00.000-08:00

I am so happy that I live in the great US of A....because I get this whole week off! Aren't I lucky?!!
This is the week known as President's Week here in Ca. and instead of getting Lincoln's Bday and President's Day off (2 consecutive 3 day weekends) we instead get a whole week off of work!
I can't believe that the end of the school year is quickly approaching. After this week I only have to work 7 more weeks and then get the week off for Easter. Then after that I only have to work 6 weeks and then get the whole summer off. I usually work summer school but not this year! I decided at the beginning of the year to have a little extra taken out of my salary each month so that I could have the whole 10 weeks off! I am so excited especially since I just found out that summer school this year is starting 1 week later and goes 1 week longer...that gives those working only 2-3 weeks off before the beginning of the new school year. I just realized that I needed more of an extended break for my emotional health! It was a good call.
This has been one of the most demanding and stressful school years since I started teaching 4 years ago. I have learned so many lessons through it though about waiting on the Lord and about being patient in the struggles. Many lessons about my character too. Who am I when life is moving along smoothly and who am I when the flames of life tend to get a bit hot? God is good and He is always into my growth.
I am thankful for many things and one this week is getting to rest!

Thank you Staci!

2009-02-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

Ok...just have to give a great "Thank You" to my girl Staci over at Staci's Heart for awarding me this, my first ever blog award!
Staci girl, I've loved reading your blog and getting to know you through this crazy computer addiction!
I am going to pass on this award to my faithful reader and commenter Katie over at katiegfromtennessee, because she has been a faithful reader and encouraging sister in the Lord. I am a little short on the friend list so for now Miss Katie is going to be my only recipient.

Ps...Happy Valentines Day Bloggy Friends!!!!

Having trouble pasting the image....working on it Katie!

Happy Sunday and My God's Delight Book

2009-02-08T17:21:00.000-08:00

Hi all....

How was your Lord's Day? I had a fantastic day. I got up a little later than normal so was very thankful that I was able to sleep in. Then had a bit of a time deciding where to go to church. For those of you who don't know, I've been attending a church about 45miles away for the last year. I love the church but dislike the commute. There has been lots of thought and prayer surrounding my decision to attend and be a member of a church so far away but I trust the Lord and am waiting on Him to direct me in this adventure. So, this morning I was really tired and just was not in the mood to drive all that way....even considered having "church" at home with some worship music and bible reading but decided that I needed the corporate worship experience! I went to BVG and was so very blessed to be there! Rick is preaching a series on grace and this mornings topic was sustaining grace. He covered how God sustains us by His grace and offers us the same power that raised Jesus from the dead! How awesome is that!

It was a beautiful time spent in the Word, in worship, and in fellowship. THANK YOU LORD FOR HOW YOU CONTINUALLY BLESS ME!!!

Now on to the second topic of my post. I have recently been encouraged to put together a God's Delight book by my friend and bible study table leader, Robin. I've been struggling a bit with my attitude and outlook on my life. It has been rather depressing and I've not been all that fun to be around. I've been entertaining the "glass is half empty" viewpoint about my life. Over the last few months I've talked with many a girlfriend about the unfair things in my life (a bit of a pity party!) and they've all been so sweet in listening...but one in particular has helped me look at a way to change the landscape of my thoughts (thanks Robin!). She has been talking to me about putting together this little book called a God's Delight book in which I chronicle the ways that God brings me delight in picture and in word...it will help my disposition she says....I'd agreed all along that it sounded like a great thing to do but had not commited. Well, 2 Monday's ago I was staying with Robin after bible study and we talked about it again...it was too late for me to see an example of what a God's Delight book looks like so we agreed that the next time I was over I would take a look at one of her books. The following week I remembered and asked Robin if I could see one and when I saw it I KNEW that I needed to do this! I went ahead and bought the photo album from her right then and there and commited to beginning it the very next day.

I must say girls (and Matt...thanks for reading!) that doing this little task has began to change my life! I am looking at the world around me through different eyes....eyes of wonder at the world that God has created and with a heart of thankfulness that He has chosen to bless me in such a sweet and wonderful way! I still struggle with my attitude and disposition but it is changing....Praise God, I am changing! I don't need to be burdened by a spirit of opression and an attitude that says, "God you are not big enough to change me, you are not ENOUGH for me!"....this position is so wrong girls! So wrong! God wants us to live a life of freedom and we too regularly settle for slavery and don't embrace the power He gives us!

Ok...enough of my preaching! Just had to fill you in on that!

Here are a few pics that will be going into my God's Delight book......

So for this one...I took it at sunset and love the contrast of the dark colors of the trees with the warm tones of the sky....Isn't God amazing to create somethings so beautiful....As a matter of fact, I have a cute little story with this pic....I was at Michaels with Cole and he noticed the sky getting dark. He said "lights, lights" and pointed to the sky. I said "yes, it is getting dark". After we came out of the store it was pitch black and Cole said "no lights". I told him that God had turned off the lights for today and he was so cute and said "lights on!". I told him that they would come back on tomorrow morning! Isn't that cute?!

I took this one tonight outside my local starbucks (where I am updating this blog....) because the 3 trees made me think of the trinity.

The rest of these pics are of the kids this weekend....Cole had climbed up onto the counter to getto a bag of marshmallows. The underwear pic was me trying to get him interested in underwear and when I gave him a pair this is where he thought he put them...he was serious! I had to show him what to do with them! So cute!

Kensley with her feet...she really likes her feet right now! She is a precious baby that I just adore!

Introducing: Baby Isabella!

2009-01-31T14:08:00.000-08:00

Hello blog sisters,

I hope that you are having a wonderful Saturday afternoon! I am here in B&N updating the blog, reading your blogs, and checking emails...such a nice and relaxing way to spend the eve of Super Bowl Sunday.

So, my friend Yanet had a baby on Jan. 16 and I wanted to introduce you to this new little princess....

Allow me the privilige of introducing you to Isabella Raye Kensey!

Here she is sleeping...she is so tiny! Much tinier than Kensely.

I loved holding her! I was honored that Yanet felt comfortable enough leaving baby Bella with me, Julie, and Ginny while she ran to McD's for Happy Meals for all of us! This baby girl is so little, I just could not get over it!

This is a cute picture....she has so many expressions! She had just opened her eyes and probably realized that I was NOT mommy!

Another funny expression...she is going to be quite the little charmer!

Yanet and her little girl! What a neat thing to see her as a Mommy!

Can We Talk?

2009-01-14T17:01:00.000-08:00

So...I've started my new bible study at BVG. This time around we are studying a book called "Can We Talk: Soul Stirring Conversations with God" by Priscilla Shrier.

It is not the typical type of bible study material that I usually do. I am a devoted pupil of my favorite bible teacher, Beth Moore. When I first saw that this season's bible study material was not going to be a Beth Moore study...I must admit that I was a bit disappointed but quickly got over that the first night of the study. This study is going to be so great! It is focused on teaching or more so, facilitating a way for us to have a meainingful conversation with the Lord. It follows five pretty simple steps when reading a passage of scripture.

Here they are:

1. Position yourself to hear from God
2. Pore of the passage and Paraphrase it in your own words
3. Pull out any scriptural lessons learned
4. Pose a life question based on the scriptural lessons pulled out
5. Plan and Pin down a date to act upon what lessons have been learned

Pretty cool huh?!

You should try this format sometime when you are spending time in the Word. They've been helpful to me so far to truly get into the Word and internalize lessons that God wants me to learn.
I am so excited to see where God will lead me over the next six weeks while I pour over His word and He teaches me. I can trust Him to teach me because his word says,

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:26

How do I get more readers?!

2009-01-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

Ok you all...how do I get more readers?! I love blogging so far because I love to write and I love to take lots of pictures so this avenue is perfect for me...however, it is hard to keep it up when there are not many people reading....so how do I get more readers. I've told family and friends but they rarely comment.

MANY THANKS TO STACI AND KATIE! You girls are so sweet to comment regularly! I love reading your blogs too!

Here are a few pics of our Christmas celebrations with my family. Fun times!

The Cortez women with our brown bags from Bloomindales! Thanks Ricardo!

Me and my brother Matt...I love my brothers very much!

This is a picture that I took from the side of the road coming back from my folks house...it was really pretty so I had to share this pic with you...beautiful Christmas morning!

Tiare and Melissa being silly girls!

Me and my cousins Melissa and Stephanie....it was good to see both of them especially Stephanie and she now lives in Reno, Nv so we don't get to see her too often!

Happy New Year's 2009!!!

2009-01-01T18:23:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all my bloggy friends!
I pray God's blessings over you this new year. Praying that you come to know Him in new and fresh ways as you seek to do His will in your life.
Did you decide to take on any new years resolutions?
I did....(hope that I will be able to stick with it). I've decided that I will choose water before any other drink....I don't drink enough water and have actually become quite sick because of dehydration. This is a problem that I NEED to get a handle on. Figure that there is no better time than the present!
I also am going to work on memorizing scripture. If you are interested in joining me...you can do so by checking out the LPM Blog on this post here. Beth Moore has enlisted the accountability of about 1500 Siestas to join her in scripture memorization. It is a good thing to do and so fun to do so with so many sisters as accountability partners! Check it out.

Merry Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Eve Bloggyville!
Praying that your Christmas is blessed and that the birth of our Savior touches your heart in a new way this special season!

"At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire. (This was the first census taken when Quirinius was governor of Syria.) All returned to their own ancestral towns to register for this census. And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David's ancient home. He traveled there form the village of Nazareth in Galilee. He took with him Mary, his fiancee, who was now obviously pregnant.
And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.
That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord's glory surrounded them. They were terrified , but the angel reassured them. "Don't be afraid!" he said, "I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior-yes, the Messiah, the Lord-has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! And you will recognize him by this sign: you will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger."
Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others-the armies of heaven-praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and peace on earth to those with
whom God is pleased."

Luke 2:1-14 New Living Translation

Concerts, concerts, concerts!

2008-12-18T18:26:00.000-08:00

Hello girls....

Well, what a week it has been! I've lost my ability to use the internet at home so I am typing this post from my local Barnes and Noble! I am so sad that I've been out of the loop here in bloggy land!

As you've read in the title of this post, I've been to a few concerts in the last 2 weeks. It all started out last Monday night when my friend Julie and I went to Turlock for the FREE Katina's concert at Monte Vista Chapel. My, my, my were they not just the coolest band! (can I say coolest?! That kind of shows what era I grew up in!). No, really...they were so good! I loved them! This new young artist named Quimi (kee-mee) opened for them. You might of heard her song "All For Love" that she sings as a duet with the Katinas. I really enjoyed her concert also...so much so that I bought her cd...it is in the player in my car currently and I do have to say that it is a new favorite! The neat thing that I discovered is that she attends my church! (it's a huge church and I am new there so don't know too many people yet).

Then this Monday night I went with Julie and Jenny Lynn to hear the First Baptist Choir and Orchestra for their performance "A Christmas Prayer". Very moving and wonderfully orchestrated....I truly enjoyed listening to the beautiful music that the Lord has gifted these men and women to play!

Then last night Julie and I went to see Michael W. Smith in Modesto for his Christmas Concert with the Modesto Symphony! What an amazing night! The music was so very beautiful and the atmosphere so festive! Definately got me in the Christmas spirit!

Here are a few pics to share with you!

The Katinas doing their thing!

This is Quimi singing her song "All For Love" with the Katinas

Julie and I outside the church on the night of the Katinas concert

Me, Julie, and Jenny Lynn at FBC for their Christmas program

Michael W. Smith's Christmas Concert in Modesto

Here he is with Melinda Doolittle. She was on American Idol

Melinda filled the place up with some wonderful soul and jazz music!

My new 'do

2008-12-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

Hello

So, my family is getting ready to have our annual family pictures done and I decided to get my hair cut. Here is the new look.....

Not that much different except that she layered it again and it is slightly shorter...I like it.
Am thinking of getting the highlights redone as they are pretty grown out but don't know if I want to go with red/burgandy lights or the light brown.
Decisions, decisions!

Turkey Day Craziness!

2008-12-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

I have many pictures of our Thanksgiving holiday that I will put up soon but just had to share this little video with you so that you can see just how creative we got this year!

I must explain the video. What had occurred was that all of us were on a walk after our overindulgence in turkey, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, and cranberry. As we were on our way back to the house, my Aunt's husband Jesse found this tube thing and decided that it would be tons of fun for the kids to go rolling down the hill in it. Key word: THE KIDS! My cousin Becky (who is 1 year older than me I must say!) decided that she wanted to try it out. I choose to be the videographer! What a video it turned out to be! It is a bit shakey as I was laughing so hard throughout the entire time so you'll just have to look past that! The video that my cousin Marissa took after this roll had me laughing so hard that I had to cross my legs lest I loose a little something! Too bad you can't see that one!

Black Friday

2008-11-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

Ok all....

Which of you are crazy like me and are going out tomorrow morning to brave the weather, the crowds, and the insaneness (is that a word?!) of the first official shopping day of the Christmas season? I love to do this! I don't know why...it just gets me in the mood for Christmas and I just like to be out! Most people don't but I don't mind. So some of the things on the list for tomorrow are as follows:
1. Bible for me (34.99 as opposed to 69.99 is what is drawing me in on that one) because my current one is beginning to fall apart. I am so sad to retire this one as it has so much in it that chronicles my walk with the Lord for the last 10 years or so! I just am attached to it a bit! I do however look forward to what God will teach me in the new one and what changes my life will bring over the years that I am using it! How blessed we are that we have the opportunity to own more than one bible especially when belivers in other parts of the globe cannot even get their hands on one...THANK YOU LORD FOR THE BLESSING THAT YOU'VE GIVEN US AND THE PRIVILIGED POSITION THAT WE ARE IN! LET US NOT BECOME PRIDEFUL AND HELP US TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE MEANING OF OUR LIVES!
2. 1cent Webkinz toys for the little boys and girl in my life. The local christian store is selling them for 1cent to the first 100 shoppers...can you believe that!!!! Little nephews and niece will be happy!
3. Digital photo frame at Target for 29.99! That is a pretty good buy if you asked me! The person receiving this gift will enjoy it as digital photos are new and she has yet to discover how to display all those photos! Hopefully this will help....

And whatever else I may find that will serve as a good gift for those I love!

So Cold In My House!

2008-11-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

Hello out there!

Just had to jump on here today and tell you that it is soooo cold in my house! The thermostat reads 57* and I am determined NOT to turn on the heater yet! I am trying to see how long I can go without turning on the heater for a few reasons. The first being that it cost a fortune to heat this 3 bedroom house when there is only 1 person in it! So financial is the primary reason. The second reason is that I am stubborn that way and want to see how long I can ride it out!
So to warm up...I've lit candles, made oatmeal this morning, and will bake just about anything that I can (turning on the oven really does heat up at least the kitchen!). I even took a bath (closed the door for the steamy effect...very warm!) It really did warm me up so now I am nice and toasty in my warm sweats! Now I just need to stay that way!

Guess I am going to have to turn the heat on soon!

Matthew West Concert and World Vision

2008-11-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

Hey there bloggy friends,

This past weekend I had the privilige of attending a Matthew West concert 2 nights in a row for free! I was a volunteer at the World Vision table to help get kids signed up with sponsors. It was so much fun and so wonderfully encouraging. And the concert was a great added bonus!
God is so good. I had wanted to attend the concert but with finances a bit tight right now had resigned to the fact that I was not going to be able to attend then on Friday evening I received a phone call from the people at World Vision asking if I'd help out with the sponsorship table and that I'd be able to get into the concert and see it for free! Not only that...I was going to be able to bring friends and family to help out also and they would be treated to the concert also!
It was an awesome night of great music, fellowship, service, and fun!

Here are a few photos for your viewing pleasure!!!

Julie, Griselda, Matthew West, and me! What a fun night!!

Here we are hard at work. That's me, Ling, Dean, and Susie.

Playing around at the table. Me, Ling, Dean and Susie again!

Matthew West in concert...what a wonderfully gifted performer!

This is Josh Wilson. He opened for Matthew West and I must
saw that he is an incredibly talented young performer!
Can't wait to hear more from him.

*Update on photos: These photos are from the second night!

Matthew West singing his heart out!

My sweet sister in law Kendra, me, and my ever faithful concert buddy Julie!

Me and Mr. Graham

2008-11-07T18:57:00.001-08:00

Well...did you know that I and Mr. Billy Graham share a birthday?

On this 7th day of November, I have entered the 33rd year of my life and Mr. Graham has entered his 90th. I am not putting this out there to bring attention to my birthday or to bask in selfish pride...I just wanted to share with you all in one of the special little gifts that God has given me. This day that I celebrate the moment He gave me life is the same day that He gave Billy Graham life. For a girl whose life has been marked by a feeling of unworthiness and lack of acceptance...God's little gift of my shared birthday with one of the greatest men on the face of this Earth will ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and a love deep in my heart. Even when He decides to call Billy Graham home I will always treasure that God brought us both into this world on the same day.

Thank you Lord for another year of life for me and for the 90 years that you've given Billy Graham...I ask that you would continue to work in both of our lives no matter how many days we have left. Thank you for your tender love for me and for the ways that you show me just how much you love me! Let me shine your light each and every day!
Yours,
Bethany

We're Off To See The Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz!

2008-11-01T16:09:00.001-07:00

Well hello all!

Last night YC had a harvest party and a group of us got together to participate in the Trunk or Treat. We did this last year and went as "Alice in Wonderland". This year we decided to go as the cast from The Wizard of Oz. It was really a fun time for us as well as the many kids who came our way. So many people wanted to take pictures with us...made us feel like characters from Disneyland!!!!

Here are a few pictures from the evening....

Dorothy (me) and the Cowardly Lion (julie)

The whole group! The Wicked Witch (jenny lynn), Antie Em (pat)
Flying Monkey (jaylen), Dorothy (me), Cowardly Lion (julie)
Emerald Queen (naiyana), Scarecrow (xochitl), Tin Man (craig)
Glenda (melisa).

More pics....Jaylen looked so cute! He even had black feather
wings!

Jenny Lynn and Craig in character...they both
were a bit frightening to the little children!

Me, Julie and Jenny Lynn in front of the Emerald City.

Candy Corn and Little Pumpkins

2008-10-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Fall Y'all!

Ok...I realize that I really cannot say that as I am not a southern girl at all. Born and raised in sunny California there is a southern belle deep in my heart!

So...I must tell you that this is my absolute most favorite time of year! The days are shorter, the nights begin to get cooler, and the sun goes down earlier and earlier! The crisp days of fall are beginning to arrive. I LOVE that I need a sweater in the morning and my blanket on the bed at night! I also love that this is the time of year to start eating crisp sweet apples with caramel dip...YUM YUM!

But one absolute favorite food of mine this time of year is this...

Most specifically this type here....

And these are an absolute favorite!!!!

So... I need to know, do you like these little sugary treats too?

One Boot, Two Boot, Brown Boot, Pink Boot....

2008-10-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Staci...this picture is for you girl!
Not the greatest picture as little girl is asleep and Marc's shirt was just a little dirty!
But it is one of her in her BOOTS!
Isn't she just precious?!
Auntie Bethany thinks so!!!!

So Long No Post

2008-10-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

Well hello there everyone!

It has been quite a while since I've posted so hope that all out in blog land are doing well.

The last few weeks have been busy ones for me. I am just running myself somewhat crazy trying to keep up with everything that I've been doing. My class is growing quickly. I now have 9 students that I am responsible for and in a room full of young children with autism, that number is rather large! And to add to that, it is only 2 months into the school year! I max out at 12 so we are a little worried about where children will go after I max out. God is in control though and He knows each and every child who will be assessed by our programs and He will work all things together according to His plan and purpose. I just pray that I would be an open vessel for Him to work through in the lives of these kids and their families.

I've also joined a study at BVG with a wonderful group of women! We are doing the study "A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place: A Study of the Old Testament Tabernacle" by our very own Siesta Mama (Beth Moore). This was the first bible study that I completed by Beth Moore many years ago and just was so impacted by her love for the Lord, her knowledge of scripture, and her ability to teach biblical concepts in a way that I could understand. Since that time, I've completed every study that she has penned except "Beloved Disciple" and "Daniel". I am looking forward to her new study centered on the life of Queen Esther! It is due to be released in November. She is my favorite author/speaker and I am just so thankful for what her teaching has done in my life.

So...last weekend my I was able to attend an event called 3:16 by Max Lucado (America's Pastor) along with my good friend Julie. It was held at the HP Pavillion in San Jose so we made a day of it by going to Santa Cruz with her family beforehand. What a full, event filled day! But it was an absolute joy and treat to my spirit to be able to fellowship with wonderful people and bask in the teaching of the Word. I must say that I was so excited to see Mandissa (American Idol finalist) but was quite sad when she did not come over to our side of the stage. I found a new favorite musician. Mr. Travis Cottrell. He is just amazing! I was able to listen to him during the LPL Simulcast in August but that was on a TV screen so it just was not the same as being in the same room with that man and his God given gift of the voice of an angel! If you've not heard Travis, you must do so now! Check out his music at http://www.traviscottrell.com/. You will be incredibly blessed I promise!

Here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Julie's cousin gave us a little concert! Very fun!

Julie and her niece Rachel

Here we are at the event. We were able to sit
pretty close to the stage!

My favorite new musician! Travis Cottrell

Max Lucado. He spoke of the wonderful words
of John 3:16.

Puppy Dogs and Tetnus Shots

2008-09-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well, Well, Well....

How are all of you out there in bloggy land? I hope that my title to this post has caught your attention because I just have to fill you in on what occurred in the Silva household this weekend.
Yesterday morning (that would be my planned relaxing and restful Saturday morning) I went out front to water my badly cared for flowers and what do I see but this absolutely ADRORABLE little white puppy dog...I could tell that he was running around and that he did not belong to anyone on my court so I called him over. It did not take him more than a few seconds to decide that I was harmless and run straight over to greet me with a big slobbery kiss and commenced to jump all over my white bathrobe with little muddy paws.....OH he was sooooo cute! I was a little saddened to discover that he did not have a collar with a name badge or home address because had he, I would have called right away....(btw, those collars are absolutely wonderful because they help animal lovers like me help get lost puppies and kitties back home)....suffice it say....little snowball did not have any contact information. I played outside with him for a while....discovered that he liked my nephew Cole's red ball and was running like a child on sugar overload all over the lawn. He was HYPER!!!!. Around 10:00 I had to leave to go take a picture for my church directory so I just left him outside. I had forgotten about him until much later in the afternoon when my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor holding this crazy little puppy and asking if he belonged to me.....(funny how all the neighbors think that all the animals belong to me...I don't have THAT many!). I assurred her that he did not belong to me but since he was still hanging out in our court that I'd put him into the back yard and take a few photos of him and post them up on a "found puppy" flyer (bad, bad....see myself getting a new puppy out of this!).....My plan was going ok (putting him in the backyard) until he saw my cat Sadie.....He took off after her like a wild jackrabbit! She got so scared that she ran up a tree and then GOT STUCK IN IT!.....At this point I decide that mr. snowball is not going to stay in my backyard after all....I can't have princess Sadie upset!!!!! So I grab him up and head to the gate with him in my arms....keep in mind that I don't know anything about this dog (like, does he have rabies?!!!!), so I am trying to keep him happy while he is in my arms so that I don't get bit! I get to the gate, which is closed, and rather than put him down, decide to kick the gate open....mind you, I don't have any shoes on at this point! As I begin to kick the gate open I feel a sharp prick to my left big toe and begin to think words that should not come out of the mouth of a good Christian woman! I get mr. snowball out the gate and shut it closed and hobble my way to the front step....As I sit down to check out my injury I discover that there is a little bit of blood on the spot that I hit the nail on and begin total freak out! The nail was rusty... and I start to think "hmmmm....when was my last tetnus shot?".
So I try not to worry too much about it and go inside, clean it, and put antibiotic ointment on it and go about my day. Later that evening I was talking to a friend and she says that I should most definatley go in and get a tetnus shot. At this point it is late and there is not an urgent care open that I can go to...and I am not about to go to the ER! I decide to wait until this morning and check on it. I felt completely fine this morning....fine enough to go to church and then home for a while....Around 3:30 I decide that it really is in my best interest to go into the urgent care and have this little injury checked out. Come to find out that the last known tetnus shot that I had was in 1993....so I do believe that it was time for me to get a new one!
So that was my weekend friends! As for the puppy dog....he never came back! And I now have a very sore arm!!!
Oh....the joys of daily life! There never is a dull moment.....

Meeting Isaac

2008-09-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

Well....yesterday I was able to travel to Clovis to meet my 3rd nephew Isaac Matthew Silva.

Can I just say right now that I am totally smitten by this new little blessing that God has given my family! He is sooooooo cute and such a doll. He is a little cranky at times due to having a little too much gas in his tummy but other than that he is absolutely precious!

His big brother Evan is oh so cute! He is not too into the idea of having a new baby brother but will adjust with time (he is only 2!). It was so nice to visit with my brother Matt and sister in law Helena....I am so blessed to have such wonderful siblings and sister in laws! I was absolutely amazed to see my little brother with his 2 boys! He is such an amazing man who I've come to admire very much!

Here are a few pictures of the new little guy and some of Matt, Evan, and Helena.....enjoy!

Isaac sleeping peacefully....

Evan and Matt with Matt's new toy!!!

I LOVE this picture!!!! Matt and Evan
walking side by side.

My beautiful sister in law, Helena
and Evan outside.

Aunt Bethany and baby Isaac....he was not so
happy....

Isn't he a cutie?! He has these really big eyes
and likes to roll his tongue around quite a bit!

New addition to the Silva Family....Mr. Isaac
Matthew Silva!

Say CHEESE!!!!!

Evan drinking Mott's Apple Juice
for Totts! Did you know that such
a thing existed?!

Some Pictures of Isaac

2008-09-16T19:59:00.001-07:00

Here are some picutres of Isaac that Matt and Helena sent me the other day....wanted to share with you all....

He looks so cute and peaceful here...

Little guy with big eyes open and checking

out the world.

Sleeping like an angel....reminds me of a picture

that I have of Evan as a newborn.

Isaac Matthew Silva

2008-09-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

Allow me the privilige to introduce to you my newest nephew...Mr. Isaac Matthew Silva.
He was born at 5:33 this morning and weighed in at a whopping 7lbs 4oz and is 20 inches long. I still have not met the little guy as I think that I am coming down with a cold (or suffering from allergies) and don't want to expose him. But I hope to get down there soon so that I can smell his sweet baby smell and cuddle him close!

I can't believe that God has so blessed us with not only one new healthy baby but 2 in the short time of one week, and the added bonus of both mommies doing fine! Thank you Lord for such special gifts!!!

Mr. Cutie Pie Isaac....already sucking his fingers!
That is one mighty big hand little guy!

Dentist Visit

2008-09-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

And for the rest of this post....I went to the dentist this afternoon. I had 2 cavities that needed to be filled and listen to this....I only had one done! My dentist has a really hard time numbing me up when it comes to the bottom teeth. So now I am home with one tooth finished and the other tooth completely numb now! He gave me so much numbing stuff that the side of my head and ear are numb too! I've never had it turn out this way so was a little freaked out! It's been an hour now so the numbing is starting to taper off. I can't wait until it is totally gone! Hate that feeling. I had to schedule ANOTHER appointment to get this lower tooth taken care of.

Hope that everyone out there in blog land is doing well.....remember that God is in control...if life seems chaotic and crazy, just trust Him and it will all come together! That is what I am trying to do!!!

7 Pounds 7 Ounces of Pure Joy!!!!

2008-09-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

Ok.....

She's here!!!!!!

K was born at 4am this morning and weighs 7lb 7oz. I don't know yet what her length is but will find out very soon.
Marc and Kendra ended up coming to my house last night around 10 or so and she labored here until 1:30 in the morning. I gave them my room so that they could be more comfortable and so that Cole could sleep comfortably. I took the couch in the living room....thank goodness it is super comfortable! Around 1:30 in the morning Marc woke me up and said that they were going to go to the hospital....so I stayed here with Cole. I was hoping that little missy would not be born so quickly as I really wanted to be present for her birth (I was there for Cole's birth) but she had other plans!
I've still not seen her but my mom has and said that she has black hair and is really red.....poor baby! Poor mommy!!!!
Coley Bean is still sleeping so my plan today is to take a shower....wait for little bean to wake up, give him a bath, and head over to meet Kensley.
I will post pictures when I get some later.

Check back later.....the saga will most definately continue!

Kensley's On Her Way!!!

2008-09-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

As of 9:14pm tonight, my niece Kensley is on her way into this world. My sister in law is having contractions 7 minutes apart and is going to head over to the hospital in a hour or so. Her doctor want's her to wait until the contractions are 5 minutes apart to go to the hospital.
I am so excited to meet my niece!!!!!!
Over the last few days I've been reading in my bible study (Believing God by Beth Moore) about what "faith" is and how part of having faith in God is believing Him for miracles. Psalm 139 talks about how God has known each person born on the face of this Earth from the moment of conception and how He saw each unformed body and has watched each child grow to the point that He so desires (that which reflects His will and good purpose). I am so taken by the fact that not only does God love ME in such a way but that He has been watching and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of my niece KENSLEY in the same way. He knows when exactly she will be born and knows all that is going to occur during her birth.
There is a bit of anxiety about this upcoming birth....for Kendra and for my family (me especially). Kendra has already had one baby (my nephew Cole) and is nervous because she knows what awaits her. I am nervous for her because my relationship with her has really deepened over the last 2 years.....I just don't want to see her in such pain....I love her and hate to see those whom I love in pain. Especially the pain of childbirth.....
So if you would, could you please say a prayer for all of us tonight and tomorrow. Please pray that Kendra would have a swift and manageable delivery....that Kensley would be healthy.....that Cole would be "good" over the next day or so while his mommy is preoccupied!.....that Marc would be a good support to Kendra.....and that I would rest in the soverignty and plan of the Lord.
I will keep the blog updated as things progress.....

Talk Soon!!!!

Auntie Bethie

Random Thoughts And Some Confussion

2008-08-30T16:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday to everyone out in blog land!

I had a pretty restful day although unproductive by my standards and expectations. I had planned to go to the store and get a few necessary items but it is almost 5pm and I have not yet gone....still planning to go but just can't get moving.
I was also supposed to catch up on my bible study (Believing God by Beth Moore) but not "feeling" too into that either....I don't know what is going on with me today....guess I'm feeling a little bluesy......really should get to the bible study because I know that when I spend time in the Word and with God that I typically feel better and my emotions come more under the control of the Holy Spirit.
Some of my frustration and confussion today is with deciding on where to go to church. As for tomorrow I am going to go to BVG because I know that there is a special service planned and I really want to be at it but for future weekends....I don't know where to go. I forgot to mention that BVG is 45 miles away from my house and about an hour commute. I love the church but am having such issues with the commute and the finances needed to travel that far weekly. And also am concerned with if it is possible to be in community with people who are not a part of my living or work community.
I've been praying about it but don't feel like God is clearly directing me where to go. Just feel so unsure right now. I know that the Lord is good and that He is in control of my life....so why does my life sometimes feel so out of control?!
One thing that I know about myself is that I don't like change and this search for a new church has been nothing but major change for the last 8 months....guess I'm just getting weary and tired of trying to figure it out. Maybe that is where I am going wrong....trying to figure it all out on my own.
If you read this and if you have any suggestions or words of encouragement please feel free to post one!

Thanks!
Your Weary Sister in Christ

Tagged!

2008-08-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

Ok...I've been tagged by The Stephanie, who found my blog off of Staci's, to list 6 most unspectacular things about myself....and then tag 6 other blog buddies. Being that I am new to this bloggy business I will most definately participate but do believe that I will find it hard to find 6 bloggie buddies to tag!

I'm a good sport though so here goes....

The Rules:

Link to the person who tagged you (check!)

Mention the rules on your blog (doing that now....so, check!)

List 6 unspectacular quirks (to follow below, almost check!)

Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them on your post them commenting them to let them know "there it!" (might be a little difficult as I am a newbie but will attempt, check in process!)

Ok so now the 6 unspectacular things about myself:

1. I am addicted to books of all kinds....children's books, romance novels (good clean ones!), mystery, and historical fiction, also LOVE all books by Francine Rivers! I like books about the Amish and like to read about women in the Middle East. I guess I could say "Hello, I'm Bethany and I'm a book addict!".

2. I have 2 kitties that I rescued from certain death at an unsaid pet location (commonly referred to as the pound!) My kitties are big grown girls now and provide me with hours upon hours of entertainment! Their names are Sadie and Zoe. Sadie is very independent and only comes around when she wants to (this is the baby that I bottle feed for weeks and wiped her bottom to get her to pee for the first time!....ungrateful little creature!!!!). My Zoe is my baby girl....she meows like a little kitten still and sleeps on my bed every night!

3. I love peanut butter and banana sandwiches on wheat bread! (random I know but that is what this post is all about!)

4. I hate clothes shopping (enough said)!

5. I attend church 45 miles away from my home! Crazy, yes I know, but it is what it is for this particular moment in my life. I'm trusting God to lead me along His path and I don't understand why that path consists of a 90 mile round trip to church each weekend but I am following Him!

6. I like to watch CMT videos all afternoon on Saturday! Grew up on country music and it will forever be in my bones even though I am a California Girl!

OK....now for the 6 tag buddies (could only come up with 3....sad, so sad!)

1. First will be my friend from the summer bible study No Other Gods, Miss Bethany at A Beautiful Mess. She is such a neat gal but has not been updating her blog....so head her way and show her some bloggie love!

2. Second will be Miss Sherry at Life at the Parsonage. Thank you girl for your comment on my blog....I hope that we can be blog buddies.

3. Third will be Miss Katie from Tennessee....she has a blog and has commented on my page...so, here's to you miss Katie. I hope that you'll enjoy participating and come back over to my blog!

4. Fourth will be Miss Mitzi(my fellow CA. girl!), at California Dreamin . Thanks for your prayers Mitzi! We are surviving by the grace of the Lord!

OK....time to get to work now....I do have some curriculum updating that I need to get to work on! So enough of the blogging for now!

First Week of School Thoughts and Reflections

2008-08-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,

Yahooooooo......one week of school is now officially under my belt! We made it through an incredibly crazy week! I re-read my last post and I chuckled slightly at how blissful my post sounded recalling such a wonderful first day back. LET ME TELL YOU....... my little munchkins had a very short honeymoon period. It only lasted one day!!!!!!! Day two was back to "normal" which would include behaviors such as crying, screaming, flopping to the floor, being lost in what we call "autism land", and lots and lots and lots of noisyness (is that how to spell it?!). I had forgotten all the noises that little children with autism can make! Things like deep growls, high pitched squeals, echos of whatever conversation they hear, scripts of various cartoons and the oh so popular Disney movies....and of course, the crying, crying, crying!

I'd also forgotten the sweet things like how they walk around on their tippy toes, how they flap their little arms so much so that they look like little birds attempting to fly the nest, how they come right up into your face cupping it in their little chubby hands and put their forehead right up to yours! How they give you a "backwards" hug (backing up into you to lean against you) and how you have to turn them around and say "give me a REAL hug!", how exciting it is when you get that one little word out of them such as Oreo, Swing, or Go when they want something. It shows that their precious little souls are in there and that they are not completely "detached from reality and the world around them". When they connect with you....oh, how wonderful it truly is! It can make you cry.

As I ponder the privilige and ministry that the Lord has given me in these children....I am humbled. He continually shows me that whatever we do for the least of these we are doing for HIM! I pray that He will continue to see me fit to care for these little ones, to love and support their parents and families, and in doing so, I would bring Him glory in all that I do.

Lord, let me never forget that I am your servant! Thank you for my ministry to these children. Work in our lives every day Lord....work in them (you know what I am asking Lord). Give them security so that they are not afraid, help me to help them when they experience sensory overload, and give me patience Lord...fill me with so much LOVE for them that I see them as you do....not through my sometimes prideful and critical human perspective.
Amen

First Day of School

2008-08-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

Well, Well, Well.....thank you to everyone who prayed for my first day of school with my students. I have to say that everything went so smoothly. I was definately aware of God working in our midst today. The children were pretty happy to be back in school....no one seemed to be having a terribly difficult day, which for little preschoolers with autism was a miracle!
If you feel so inclined I would love it if you would pray for my students individually. I wish that I could post a picture of them but due to confidentiality issues cannot. But you can know their names so if you feel lead, please pray for my kids:
Ana
Abraham
Adam (to start in Sep.)
David
Jesus
Jagnoor
Notice the biblical theme for names....Hmmmmm.......wonder what God has in store for me this year? One thing that is for certain, He will most definately cause me to think of Him and His Word even when I am calling my students by name.
I started a new bible study this morning called "Believing God" by Beth Moore. A part of the study involves paying attention to what God is doing in my daily life and recording it down in the evening as a God Stop (S.avoring T.he O.bservable P.resence). I definately saw God today in my classroom. He was there helping us get going and was in the calm of my students. He is so good to me time and time again!

My First Ticket!!!!

2008-08-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well guess what happened to me tonight?! I GOT MY FIRST TICKET!!!!!! And I was not even speeding.....anyone who knows me knows that I don't typically speed! So what was this ticket for you ask. Let me just enlighten you.....I was caught using my cell phone while driving!!!! Aughhhhhh...it was only a matter of time for me because I absolutely detest those hands free ear pieces and had been guilty of using my phone every now and again. This time I just got caught! Well, the Bible does say to follow the laws of the land. I am guilty as charged and now have to pay the dues (about 100.00).

Bye Bye Summer Vacation....

2008-08-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that my summer vacation is almost over!!!! This is technically my last weekend of my summer vacation and when I think back upon it, I realize that I did not do anything special!!! I guess that is okay as I was able to get lots of rest, clean up my backyard, and spend lots of time with the Lord just reading His Word, studying, and praying (all out in my pretty backyard!). So, I can't say that it was not a worthwhile summer! I would rather have my relationship with the Lord strenthened by staying home all summer as opposed to being busy all summer long and not enjoying sweet fellowship with the Lord.

Here are some pictures from this summer.

Me, JoFawna, Kevin, Brad, Gaby, and Jenny Lynn
in Monterey.

Evan at the SF Giants Game

Me and my cat Zoe. She looks posessed!

Introducing.....Mr. Gizmo, the Schelby School
A6 Hamster!!!!

Sadie drinking water....how cute!

Steven Curtis Chapman On GMA

2008-08-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

Hey there everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that Steven Curtis Chapman is going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow. Please pray for him as he is given the opportunity to share the good news of the Gospel of Christ with such a vast audience.
As you all probably remember, SCC's little daughter Maria was killed as the result of an accident in the family driveway in May. This will be his first interview since Maria's death. He will also be on Lary King Live either tonight or tomorrow night.

Going to the Dentist

2008-08-04T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Guess what I got to do today? Go to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned! Yeah....they are all smooth and feeling clean. I love the way my teeth feel after a cleaning but hate how they feel while they are working on me! I've just not got down the proper way to floss I guess! I was a little sad to find out that I have 2 new cavities :( But hearing that news was a whole lot better than hearing that I need another root canal! Thank you Lord that it is only small cavities!

Only 8 more days left of my summer vacation....so sad. And to end my summer with a bang...I decide to fill my last week of vacation with dr. appointments (dr. propes today and dr. johnston on friday....finalllllllly going to inquire about my tummy troubles). Guess that I probably should start planning some stuff for the new school year!!!! I'll get to it, I promise.

Hope that you're having a great day!

LPL Beth Moore Simulcast 2008

2008-08-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

Hey All....

I had the wonderful privilige of attending the Beth Moore Living Proof Live Simulcast at Yosemite Church on Friday night and Saturday morning.
It was an amazing time of worship, study, and bonding in the way that only we females can do! (through tears, coffee, and hugs!). I have to say that this was the first time that I've heard Travis Cotrell and his group. He is absolutley amazing! If you'd like to hear some of his work and see highlights from a LPL event go to Beth's blog at www.livingproofministries.blogspot.com and click on any of the LPL recap posts.
The weekend was absolutely amazing! Beth is such an annointed teacher of the precious Word of God! She is absolutely my favorite! She taught from the passage in the gospel of Luke, chapter 8, verses 1-15. Wow....I have heard this passage taught many different times and by many different godly teachers...but had not heard it taught in the way that Beth approached it this weekend.
I'll give you her main 7 points but will encourage you to read the text yourself.

1. Treasure the wonder of the Word
2. Protect your heart
3. Expect the test
4. Dig your roots
5. Stop the choke
6. Retain the word
7. Press forth to your 100 fold harvest!

So to all of you dear to my heart out there....stay in the Word! Those of you who are not familiar with it...now's as good a time as any to start. It is the most life changing book that you will ever read! God can bring a 100 fold harvest to your life...give him your heart and watch him work miracles in your life. You may find that some of the work that He will do will be in areas of unplowed ground, and it may hurt a little (or a lot), but persevere through because the LORD*WILL*BRING*A*HARVEST!

Loving you,
Bethany